I avoided sleeping with men for years because of my…
I have big fat lips, and unsurprisingly they have been a huge insecurity for me for as long as I can remember. Growing up with unrestricted internet access I learned at a very young age that men hate the way I look, some even disgusted by it. So of course I was terrified to be intimate with anyone.
I was dating this boy in school who I really trusted. He was very outwardly spoken about loving all body types and being a feminist. We were both virgins at the time, and I decided that I wanted him to see what I looked like “inside” (but not have intercourse because i wasnt ready.) I let him see me, and of course at the time he loved it. Until sometime later we had a big argument. He then told everyone (small school), I had the ugliest “roast beef” vag he had ever seen. It was awful. He apologized sometime after graduation, but the damage had already been done.
Of course this completely ruined any self confidence I thought I had, and reinforced my fear of intimacy. So I thought the solution would be to avoid dating AT ALL in school, because of course boys hate big labia they’ve probably never seen it before. So I waited until after school to date a man that was a little older who I figured would have much more experience. I warned him before we were intimate the situation down there, and he told me that was fine and he didn’t care about that. Fast forward 6 months into our relationship, I notice he doesn’t really look at me down there, so I question him about it. He admitted that he wasn’t a fan because he wasn’t used to it, but he was trying to love it. Although he was sweet, I was crushed and set back once again.
Fast forward to ten months ago, I found myself in an situation where I was about to get it on with a coworker. It was sort of spontaneous so I didn’t have time to “warn” him. It was getting HOT, but then he started to remove my pants. “WAIT!!” I said, “before you do that you should know that I look REALLY bad down there so just don’t be surprised when you see.” He didn’t say anything and just smiled at me. He waited a little while longer before asking if I wanted to get undressed. I agreed, and ooooh boy, was I pleasantly surprised by his reaction. He WORSHIPPED me down there to say the least, and still does to this day.
Although I still struggle to love that part of myself, I never thought I would meet a man who genuinely loves it and makes an effort to show his love both physically and verbally. I’ve since met other men who have shown so much love towards my labia, and I gotta say it feels absolutely amazing to feel some confidence and love.