I have been with my fiancé for 9 years, and we have always struggled with finances in our relationship. My fiancé believes that everything should be split 50% 50%, while I still take care of most of the household chores.
When we first moved in together, I was responsible for paying bills, credit card debt, and purchasing household essentials, while my fiancé paid the rent.
I managed the home by cooking and cleaning, and typically, when we would go out for fun or entertainment, he would pay(our outings can get a little expensive).
After I got a better paying job, I started helping with half of the rent, while he still paid for all of the outings. Whenever we went on vacation, I paid for flights, hotels, and rentals, while he paid for the activities, but he always complained afterward that he was spending more money than me.
Recently, I got a better-paying job. With my new role, I still make significantly less than my fiancé. I helped build his resume and helped him get a higher position as well.
With his new role, he still makes about 41% more than me with his base pay. He often times works over time and almost always exceeds his base pay so most times it’s a little over 41% more than me.
We recently agreed to purchase a new SUV, and he was to help with half of the bills and the full insurance, while I was to help with half of the SUV and a little more when we have outings.
Everything was going great until I wasn’t able to make ends meet for my portion of the SUV payment and he ended up not paying me his portion of the bills. I was fine with that because it was almost an even exchange monetarily.
When we currently go on outings, he pays about 60% and I pay about 40% but he says that it is still unfair.
I am feeling frustrated and overwhelmed, and I am not sure what would be a fair way to split our expenses. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
Netizens’ comments
I cannot imagine being with someone who ostensibly wants to have a life with me, yet is perfectly OK watching me struggle financially so they can keep more disposable income in their pocket. Taking care of all of the housework while we both work full time would just be adding insult to injury.
I would never for a second do that to a serious partner if I was the higher earner. I’ve covered 100% of the household expenses when a partner could not work, even though that was never our plan, because watching them financially struggle while I did nothing is not what love looks like in my mind.
What might your long-term future look like with him? Is he going to insist on 50-50 if you have kids? If you have to go on mat leave? If you somebody become sick or disabled and can’t work? What is retirement going to look like? Is he going to enjoy a relaxing retirement while you still work and stress out about how to pay the bills?
I don’t think there’s one right way to deal with finances in a relationship, but I think what you’re doing right now is absolutely the wrong way. You deserve much better than this.