Ever felt deeply hurt because you lost your girlfriend to a rich guy? I did
So my gf and I have been together for about 2 years when we met at church. We started off as friends then we got along well and I confessed to her, then we became an item.
She is probably the prettiest in the group but I love her because we have something in common; we are both committed to the gospel and we love reading books.
So there’s this new guy from SMU who joined our church group via a common friend. I am not in the position to judge him, but I feel he is simply in church for fun, and not serious about learning more about the gospel and grow as a person.
It is okay. In fact, to be very honest, most of us are in church for various reasons such as to find the meaning of life, or to seek God’s blessing etc.
I love it that he is a happy-go-lucky person and very easy to get along with. As my gf is quite conservative, she would usually just say “hi” to him but kept her distance from him.
During an occasion, we held a prayer meeting at this guy’s house, since he said his house has ample space to accommodate our large group of church mates. His house is a luxurious modern mansion at Bukit Timah Hill and he’s got four cars at home. The one he usually drives is a modest Honda SUV and the other three cars are less modest; a Mercedes, a Lamborghini and an Alfa Romeo.
The first thing that came to my mind when I stepped into his compound was that this guy is freaking rich. The interior was breathtaking as well, it felt like a 5 star hotel. So we did our prayers and sang the hymns, and then the group disassembled to socialize with each other.
Then it was when I started feeling uneasy. My gf became more friendly to the rich boy and kept hanging around him at the balcony and talking to him.
Naturally I joined in the conversation, and then I noticed the guy is the one trying to include me in their conversation while my gf relentlessly tried to exclude me from the conversation. And she wouldn’t stop patting his arm. I felt really really uncomfortable.
I put my arm around her shoulders, to subconsciously remind someone we are an item. But it was just very awkward and so uncomfortable. And this was only the beginning.
Subsequently, I felt my gf is no longer enthusiastic in our relationship. I have to keep initiating conversations and dates with her. She is nonchalant to everything I said when we talked, and she seems to just want to go through the motion and be done with it.
Whenever I asked her if she is okay, she would say yes but her behavior contradicts her statement. I was very tired and upset. Back then I believe maybe it’s because she had other troubles at school.
However, I realized that at church or when dealing with other people, she seemed perfectly alright. So I asked her straight if the problem is with me. She told me she just needed some personal space for time being as there are a lot of things going through her mind.
So I gave it to her. We stopped going on dates or talk about anything beyond what ordinary friends will. This went on for about a few months. Then one night, she called me. I was so happy she did. However, my heart broke when she told me she has fallen in love with someone else and that the person has reciprocated her feelings.
Yes, it’s the rich guy. I got angry and asked her why is that so. She politely told me it’s because she felt he was a more driven person and explaining he has plans to go to the U.S. for further studies, whereas she said I am always easily contented with life, and she felt I am not the type of guy she truly likes.
And she kept emphasizing he gives her a lot of security due to his good family background. I teared up a bit and told her if it’s okay if we can still be friends.
She agreed and apologized once more before hanging up. I always told her I plan to work full time at church after graduation, but I didn’t expect her to interpret it as a lack of ambition, considering she is devoted to church as well.
Most associate ambition with material rewards. But I strongly disagree. Even a person who wants to help make the society a better place is also an equally ambitious and self-driven person. I know my gf wants a better life. She comes from a poor family and sometimes I feel that she is in church because she wants to believe in something spiritual to give her some hope for a more prosperous life.
My background is similar to hers. My parents are poor and works as a coffee shop assistant and a taxi driver. However they are very hardworking and it is not because of a lack of ambition they are not better off. Their ambition is to earn enough money to support me and my siblings through school so we can have a more comfortable life in the future.
And if you classify all poor people as lazy or lack ambition, then I am afraid you are out of touch with reality. Nonetheless, I still attend the church. But I control my emotions whenever I see the both of them arriving in a sports car while I alight at the bus stop. Haha.
I reminded myself they are humans like myself I shouldn’t blame any of them for my misery, because I believe if I forgive others, I am also freeing myself from these negative emotions.
And on a positive note, I am thankful my gf (ex-gf now) was honest about her feelings and material desires, and does not cheat while keeping me in the shadows.
Although I still pray that things could have been better for me. I used to think that I will only get along with someone of similar religious beliefs, following the advice of my pastor.
However he and I were both wrong. For two people to love each other isn’t about how similar they both are. You can be of any race, any religion, any socioeconomic status… who cares. It’s all about having the courageously love to accept your differences and forgive the shortcomings of the other.
Not many have such courage it’s because they fear others around will judge them for not meeting up to the expectations. Therefore, they would rather please the larger crowd of people in their social life, then the person who they should truly love. Perhaps in good faith, I will find the right person one day.