My (32F) friends (35-49F) have disappeared after I gave birth to my baby.
My (32F) friends (35-49F) of 5 years and I would spend a lot of time together and support each other when in need. I spent 5 years nurturing the relationship.
They even threw me a huge surprise baby shower but then have not yet come to meet me after having the baby. I have also sent invite twice, but they haven’t showed up yet.
They are responding to my text but not sent one on their own. They are all still meeting and going on outings. I feel terrible about being neglected. I’m so confused, what should I do? how I can make genuine friends in the future?
Editing to add:
Many of the group members are moms.
I wasn’t expecting this group to hang out with me and the baby. They were invited to meet us because they had previously shown interest to see the baby. The plan was for friends to meet the baby one time and I would go out with them while the baby was cared for by another caregiver. Btw, I’m working on making mommy friends to hangout outside of this group.
Thank you all for your responses. Its unsettling to terms with such sudden changes in friendships after childbirth.
Netizens’ comments
It’s definitely a balance from both sides.
They should have come to see you and your new baby. That’s what good friends do.
If this is a group that is always out and about and doing activities, hanging around your house every weekend with a newborn is not going to be their idea of a good time.
You also can’t go out as much as you used to.
I’m childfree but I have friends with children. I make time to do quick visits and see the kids, but they also make time to come out for an adult activity every so often.
I think a big reason why these fallouts happen is that new parents are in 100% kid mode. It’s all they do, all they talk about, never leave the house, and some get angry when everyone doesn’t just want to sit around their living room all weekend to keep them company. I chose not to have kids because I really don’t enjoy being around them for more than a couple hours at a time.
But your friends are shitty for not even dropping by or making an effort at all. They should be still inviting you out and stopping over for coffee every once in awhile.
It can be difficult to connect new parent friends and friends without kids because while your life changed drastically, the rest of the group is maintaining the status quo.