My (25M) girlfriend (23F) has felt hurt by my family. And has given me an ultimatum. Her or my family. What do I do?
I’ve dated my girlfriend for 3 years. We have a home together and a beautiful dog. Our relationship has been happy in many aspects.
But one place where it’s not is my moms side of the family. Specifically my grandma and aunt and uncle. When I first introduced her to my family. My mom loved her but everyone else seemed stand offish towards her.
Later they started to say rude things like “you’re disgusting” or “I’m embarrassed for him dating you” amongst other things.
Unfortunately this went on for far too long and without me doing anything concrete to stop it. I instead tried to mediate it between my girlfriend and family to make everyone more comfortable.
But instead it made my girlfriend feel isolated and abandoned. Like I was choosing my family over her. Which caused a big divide between us.
Now after multiple attempts to fix things and to get everyone on the same page. My family was willing to move on and put things in the past.
But my girlfriend feels like she has been too wronged for so long that nothing will truly change. Now she has given me a choice.
Her. Or the family that mistreated her.
I never wanted to be in a position like this. I never wanted to choose between my family and her. What should I do here? Do I tell my family off and leave them for good?
Netizens’ comments
- I’m sorry, what does your family have to move on from and put in the past? Did your girlfriend call them disgusting? Did your girlfriend tell them how embarrassing they were? THEY are the ones who did her wrong and treated her like crap, and they – and you – owe her an apology. They don’t get to be jerks to your girlfriend for years and then pretend like it didn’t happen.
- So they are willing to “put it in the past” which means nothing as they were the ones throwing out hurtful statements and you wonder why your girlfriend isn’t on board with this
Maybe you need to clarify more, but you seem unreasonably bent on trying to keep people that treat your partner like crap in your life for no good reason at all that’s been brought forward other than “they are family”. - Why did they start to say these rude things to her?
- (OP) I had a talk with my family about a month ago. And they said that she was not who they expected me to be with. So they tried to do things to change her in the way they thought she should be. I never once felt like they were in the right. But I made mistakes along the way to make her feel like I wasn’t choosing her. I tried to mediate things too much and that hurt her in the long run.