A little preface. My wife expressed a desire to open our marriage multiple times to me over the course of about 2 months.
I gave it some time to think it over and ultimately declined, I told her it’s just not something I would be comfortable with.
Then a couple weeks later she Demanded that we open our marriage, I asked her why she needed or marriage to be opened and the only real explanation I got was “I don’t know, to feel something” .
So I chalked it up to her mental health and explained some options on how to tackle this professionally, seeing a Therapist more regularly, trying to process her feelings and figuring out what need she is missing.
I’ll be the first to say I really didn’t know the right way to go about this and how to help her so I thought a therapist would be the next logical step.
About a month later she started having an affair with an ex boyfriend from school, it had been going on for an additional month before I caught her.
It’s been a month since I found out now and to boil down a long process we’ve decided to at least try and work on things and communication.
We have a lot more intercourse recently but she’s wanting more and more violent things. We’ve had normal ones (nothing most people haven’t done before) previously but now she’s wanting me to pin her, force myself on her, hit her, and simulate rape on her.
I’m comfortable with it so far but it’s like it’s building to the point where I’m not going to be comfortable with it if it’s any more extreme.
I’ve tried talking to her about it but I’ve come to realize she cannot express her feelings in words. Most of the time it’s still “I don’t know it’s like a switch flipped” and I understand it may just be something she likes but given the trauma our marriage has been through I have a suspicion it’s coming from a bad place.
Has anybody else had an experience like this or some advice on how to go about navigating this? I’m really at a loss on how to handle this so any guidance would be greatly appreciated.