MAN HAS A NEW GF BUT STILL MISSES EX-GF ALL THE TIME, NEW GF IS A BACKUP

I have been in a relationship with a girl for 3 years now.

Shortly before we got together I liked someone very much and was pretty sure she liked me back, but due to bad communication and slight misunderstandings, it ended pretty abruptly.

Following that basically, immediately I met my current girlfriend and in the first couple of months, it got me distracted from the other girl. After that, though I kept starting to think about her again to this day, even though I’m in a relationship with a person I love and a person I can imagine spending a lifetime with.

Of course, I can’t just leave my relationship for a girl whose personality might live in my head and be a “crush”, leading to pain and regret for a long time.

Is it normal to still have thoughts of a different person rooted into your mind, even though you’re happy in a relationship? Or is it possibly an indicator of doubt? Do people in decade long relationships still crush on others beyond their love for their partners?

Here are what netizen thinks:

• There are some important life lessons in this situation. One is that sometimes, you have a crush on a person and create an image of them in your mind that is not necessarily true to who they are. Whoever this girl was three years ago, she isn’t that person anymore and you probably have a crush on more of an idealized version of her than an actual person. It’s important to stay grounded in your actual reality and take care of your girlfriend who you do actually know. The second lesson is that the grass is usually not greener on the other side, it’s green where you water it. Put this other person out of your head and focus your romantic energy into making your relationship as happy and healthy as can be. Good luck, I hope it all works out

• It’s always the what ifs and what could have been that sticks with us the most. It’s easy to say dont live in the past and move forward. But it is normal to feel these feelings. Embrace it.

• You can’t erase people from your brain, no matter how healthy, happy and moved on you may be. Acknowledge it and bring yourself back to your present relationship.