So I’m writing this to get it off my chest and maybe gain insight as well. I have been married to my husband[29M] for 2 years and let me tell you, it has been rocky. We have several issues that plague the marriage and they have all been my fault.
One of the issues, is intimacy level. I have a lower S drive coupled with depression on top of that and have not had much desire for it the past couple months. I feel terrible because he has expressed how much it hurts him, and it sucks. I’m just at a point in my life where it is hard for me to even want to wake up in the morning and to keep up with basic activities such as personal hygiene, cooking, cleaning, etc let alone get fired up for intimacy. This has caused a huge issue and my husband is over it.
Second issue, he wants to start smoking now. When I first got with him, he used to smoke years before I can along but he changed his life around and was no longer interested. When we started dating, it had been 3 years since he stopped. We have been together for 6 years and with life changes, he has decided that’s what he wants to do. I have never been comfortable with the smoke. If a friend or someone else does it, fine I don’t pay it much mind because that’s not my business and I don’t have to live with them.
Now, since my husband wants to do it. I have been not comfortable because I prefer a smoke free household. We discussed and I tried to have him just do vape as a middle ground since it was about the same without the stench. He tried for a couple of months and determined that was not enough for him. We have had several arguments about it as I am trying to cope with these changes and I feel bad since it’s me causing this issue and not just being okay with it with no pushback. Now, there have been instances where he has done it behind my back which we are also dealing with but this is also my fault because he felt he couldn’t talk to me about it.
The third issue is that he feels I don’t believe in him. Put it simply, he is the type to go off of faith and I am the type to go off of numbers. This doesn’t mix well. He feels as though I hold him back and gets frustrated because I don’t just go with things with ease and excitement. For example, when he was needing to purchase a new vehicle, his previous car worked fine but it was simply getting older. At the time we had just purchased a house 2 months prior and I wanted to get used to the higher bill first before adding on another. He was ready for a new vehicle asap.
So we worked out numbers in the budgeting sheet and it came out in a deficit every month. I told him let’s hold off until our income changed, I had a pending raise at the time but didn’t know how much yet and also wanted to wait for a work bonus to come in which would have been a month later. My husband didn’t want to wait and was going to proceed forward with getting the vehicle whether I agreed or not and was upset because I didn’t have faith. I am questioning all my decision-making now and really thinking I should have had faith because flash forward to now, Financially we are going great and never had any issues.
Sorry for the long post. I just need to get it all out.