This is quite complicated, so I thank you in advance for your patience.
A. THE BARE FACTS
• In August last year, she cheated on me with her ex-boyfriend.
• In September last year, she attempted to reconcile with him and even professed her love to him.
• Around two weeks ago, she cheated on me with her ex-boyfriend again.
I broke things off. Since then, she has apologized daily and promised that she is a changed person.
B. MITIGATING FACTORS
She is not emotionally healthy.
• Without going into too much detail, she was subjected to a very traumatic S experience in her late teens. The scars run deep.
• She was neglected by her biological mother. As a result, she suffers from an avoidant attachment style. She led a fairly promiscuous lifestyle prior to meeting me.
• She suffers from depression and anxiety.
• She has a slight problem with alcohol.
• She has trouble with boundaries.
• Her ex-boyfriend is a narcissist, and she claims to be struggling to break away from him.
• She is very successful professionally.
• She is in a complex financial predicament at the moment. I am very successful, and I have offered her money twice. But she has declined on both occasions. She takes great pride in her ability to provide for herself and her loved ones.
• She has never lied to me, as far as I know, but she does keep many things close to her chest.
C. WHERE I STAND
Do you know the sense of joy you feel when you complete a 5,000-piece puzzle? I feel something similar to that whenever I look at her. She fills my senses in a way no one else can.
Every facet of her personality appeals to me. I can feel that she becomes different from me. Her gentle and sensitive side comes to the fore with me.
I’m an introvert, but with her, I feel like a different person. I feel comfortable expressing myself to her.
She knows all of my quirks and flaws, and she accepts them.
I love her ever so dearly. I dream of raising a family and growing old with her.
I used to feel responsible for her wellbeing. I felt that I can help to fix her and help her get over her traumas.
My problem now is, I have great trust issues. I feel she is still in love with her ex. Last year, her ex-boyfriend told me he can have her anytime he wants. Those words haunt me now, because of how easy it is for her to cheat with him.
The past half a year has been very, very tough on me. I have been hurting bad. I feel emasculated. I feel unloved. I feel so small. I cry all the time.
The truth is, I cannot cope with another betrayal. But at the same time, I love her so much. The thought of going through life without her makes me choke up – I feel a paralyzing sense of loss when I think of a future without her.
Love is bigger than pride, right? She needs me, right? I should give this another chance?
I need your wise counsel, my friends.