Hi everyone,
I’ve been together with my gf for a few years now. Over this time, I’ve tried to break up with her a few times, but each time, she threatens to jump or says she’ll die if I leave her.
I’ve even started trying to meet other girls in hopes that she would take it as a reason to finally let go of me — but instead, she would turn it around, using it to guilt-trip me because I cheated. We work at the same place, and once, she went into a full-blown breakdown — screaming, shouting, and even threatening to jump.
I feel completely stuck. I really want to leave this relationship, but every time I try, it escalates. Things have only gotten worse — she doesn’t trust me anymore. She constantly monitors my IG and WhatsApp activity — almost obsessively — as if she’s trying to catch me talking to other girls. Sometimes it feels like she’s planted a tracker on my phone, or that she somehow always knows exactly when I’m online, almost too coincidentally. Because of that, I’ve stopped messaging the girl I’m seeing on WhatsApp. We still meet in person, but I’ve had to switch to other social media apps just to talk to her. I really like her, and I know she deserves a clear answer from me too. But because of this messy and draining situationship I’m stuck in, I can’t give her one right now. Deep down, I know I want out of my current relationship — and sometimes, I just wish I could be single again and have peace.
We’re fighting almost every day now. I honestly don’t see a future with someone so emotionally unstable and controlling. I’ve started lying to her about my whereabouts — saying I have work, when in fact I’m just meeting friends — because I know she’ll go crazy if I tell the truth.
My friends are aware of what I’m going through. Some have advised me to report her threats to the police, as emotional blackmail and threats are serious but I just don’t want things to turn out ugly or to even reach there. They’ve told me that if she ever goes berserk again, they’ll help me report her.
I just want out. But there never seems to be a good or safe time to end things. I don’t want drama — I just want to walk away peacefully like adults. Now, she says she wants to meet the girl I’ve been seeing so that “all three of us” can talk, but I know she’s only doing this to manipulate the situation.
The reality is, I don’t think she will ever let me go — and I’m afraid of what she might do if I leave. My friends tell me that her depression is fake because after years of threatening me that she’d jump, she’s still alive, yet I feel like I’m starting to have depression. I’ve started keeping records of the threats she’s made, just in case.
I feel drained and cornered. Has anyone been through something like this? How do you walk away from a toxic relationship when the other person uses threats and emotional manipulation to keep you there?