I don’t remember how it started, but it has been four days now. Upon brief googling, I discovered that what I am experiencing is called depersonalization/
I feel like I’m in a dream, seeing things not from myself but from third person POV. My vision? Is distorted. Everything looks 2 dimensional, my depth of view is messed up, you know, like how you see things when you are dreaming. Unfocused. Floating around.
This body is no longer me, but just.. some body.. It takes much effort to even coordinate this body, I feel very clumsy, my hands no longer listen to me.
Every interactions that I have with people feel unreal, I honestly don’t know if all that really happened. Is this real world? Am I actually in coma and my mind is wandering around? Who knows.
The world feels unreal, very very unreal. Like there is a glass pane between me and outside world. I can’t longer relate to the world. I wish there is a giant who can slam this damn head real hard to the table and break the glass pane.
To be honest, I have given up. Each morning I woke up, hoping to get my life back, but it isn’t. I have to try to live with it.
There are two things that make me real sad. First, although based on my research, it is unlikely to happen, but I am so scared that I will lose my mind. All these thoughts, feels, worlds. OMG to God that I don’t believe!! Please don’t let schizophrenia befall me!
Secondly, I was a person of big dreams and ambitions. But it’s no longer true. Now, I feel so tired, unzealous, hopeless. What is there any use of me working hard in this dream world? Nothing is real! I just want to sleep and never wake up… Imagine how sad will it be, when one day, I get back to reality, everything is back to normal, but, I have lost my life in dream world and it is too late to chase my dreams in real world…
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