Joshua and I booked the tickets to Beijing because he saw some TikTok of the Great Wall and suddenly got “inspired.” I should have known better. Joshua is the kind of guy who considers walking from the sofa to the fridge a “marathon.” He’s easily 120kg, and most of that is pure bubble tea and supper.
The moment we reached the Badaling section, I knew I was in trouble.
“Wah, Meng, so high ah?” Joshua was already sweating at the base. We hadn’t even started the climb and his face was already the color of a salted egg yolk.
“Obviously high, Great Wall mah, not East Coast Park,” I said, adjusting my backpack. I wanted to reach the North Eighth Tower, the highest point, to get that perfect “hero” shot.
We started walking. After exactly ten minutes and maybe fifty steps, the drama began. Joshua started huffing like an old bus going up Genting. Every five steps, he had to stop, lean against the ancient stone, and fan himself with his passport.
“Wait… wait… cannot… my knees cracking, bro,” he gasped. He was blocking the entire path. A group of 70-year-old Chinese grandmothers literally brisk-walked past us, talking and laughing, while Joshua was there struggling for air.
“Josh, come on lah! The view further up is solid. We only at the first tower!”
“You go… you go ahead… I sit here wait for you,” he wheezed, collapsing onto a stone ledge.
I looked up. The wall stretched miles ahead, beautiful and rugged, with zero crowds at the higher peaks. Then I looked at Joshua. I couldn’t just leave a 120kg man alone on a mountain in China; he doesn’t even speak Mandarin. If he faints, how?
I spent the next four hours sitting at the very first section. I didn’t see the steep climbs, I didn’t see the panoramic views, and I definitely didn’t get my “hero” photo. All I saw was Joshua eating a pack of Oreos he “secretly” packed, complaining about the “lack of lifts” on a 2,000-year-old fortification.
The whole trip, no chance to explore. My only Great Wall memory is the sound of Joshua’s heavy breathing and the smell of his Tiger Balm. Total waste of flight ticket. Next time, I go alone. Joshua can stay home and watch the Great Wall on Netflix.