Wahlau, this one not just “gong tao” (spellbound) already, this one is full-blown Level 999 Delusion Pro Max.
Let me tell you about this brother, we call him “Uncle Toothless.” This man, I don’t know what kind of love potion he drink, but his brain really gone case one.
The “Siam Bu” Chronicles: A Tragedy in 3 Parts
1. The Financial “Donation”
Every month, without fail, the moment his salary or CPF payout masuk, he’s at the ATM. Not for his groceries, not for his bills, but to “support” his Thai girlfriend. He tells us, “Eh, she very pity one, her grandmother’s buffalo in Udon Thani got migraine, need money for specialist.”
We tell him, “Oi, wake up lah! That buffalo probably got more degrees than you already with the amount of money you send!” But he just smile, showing his empty gums, and say, “I know she got other men, but I think she really love me. The other guys are just for fun, I am the Main Course.”
Main Course? Brother, you are the Buffet Table—all-you-can-eat, free flow, no service charge!
2. The Direct Message of Doom
The worst part? The girl don’t even respect him behind his back. She sent a DM to a mutual friend, laughing until the phone vibrate. The message was damn rabak:
“This toothless is a dumbass. He knows I sleep with other men but still gives me money monthly. No wonder his wife left him and his daughter stood against him in court. Easy money!”
The friend showed Uncle Toothless the screenshot. You know what he said? He looked at the screen, sighed, and said, “Aiyah, she was probably just angry when she wrote this. You know girls, very emotional one. Actually, she is very sweet to me when we are alone.”
3. The Total Loss
This is the part that makes us heart-pain. This man lost everything.
- The Wife: Gone, because she couldn’t stand him throwing the family savings into a black hole.
- The Daughter: Even his own flesh and blood had to testify against him in court just to protect what was left of the family assets.
Now he’s alone, no teeth, no family, and still thinking he’s the “King of her Heart.”
The Verdict:
If you see him at the coffee shop, don’t bother buying him a kopi. He will probably try to sell the kopi to buy a “top-up card” for her.
Some people say love is blind. For Uncle Toothless, love is not just blind—it’s deaf, mute, and staying in a different dimension altogether. Gong Tao level: Infinite.