I’m 26 years old this year, okay? My puberty phase ended like, a decade ago. My body is done. Finished. Closed for renovation. But apparently, my boyfriend didn’t get the memo. He has been watching too many TikTok “life hacks” or listening to some weird old wives’ tales because he is now obsessed with the idea that if I drink enough papaya milk, I will magically go from an A-cup to a C-cup overnight.
Every single day, without fail, he comes home with those cartons of papaya milk. If he’s feeling “extra,” he will actually buy a physical papaya, blend it with milk, and stand there watching me drink it like he’s a scientist conducting a clinical trial. Yesterday, I told him I was full, and he legit gave me this disappointed puppy look and said, “But baby, you said you wanted to look better in that bridesmaid dress next month.”
HELLO? Looking better in a dress means maybe hitting the gym or finding a better push-up bra, not inflating my chest with tropical fruits!
The logic is so flawed it hurts my brain. I keep telling him, “Oi, I am 26, not 14. Biology doesn’t work like that.” If papaya milk actually worked, plastic surgeons in Orchard Road would all be bankrupt and out of business liao. Every girl in Singapore would be walking around looking like a manga character.
But no, he insists. He says his “friend’s cousin’s girlfriend” did it and saw results. I’m like, she probably just gained 5kg overall or she’s wearing a better bra, you blur sotong! Now, not only am I still the same size, but I’m also getting sick of the taste of papaya. I can’t even look at the fruit section in NTUC anymore without getting triggered.
I love him, but this is reaching a level of “siao” (crazy) that I cannot handle. Is this a Singaporean guy thing? Why are they like this? If I force him to drink stout every day to “grow” something else, he also won’t be happy right?
Please tell me I’m not the only one dealing with this kind of nonsense. Should I just start pouring the milk into the potted plants when he’s not looking? At least the plants might actually grow. 🙄