Guys, I cannot already. My side pain from laughing since this afternoon.
So my buddy (let’s call him ‘B’) has been watching too much K-drama lately. Every day talk about Gong Yoo this, Cha Eun-woo that. He thinks if he get the hair, he will get the girl. Today he finally decided to “invest” in his face and went to some high-SES salon. Spent almost $200 plus for a “Korean Perm and Styling” package.
He sends a photo to our Telegram group chat just now with the caption: “New look, what you guys think? Natural volume right?”
Lanjiao la. I look at the photo and I almost spat out my Kopi C.
The stylist gave him this ultra-tight, rounded perm on top, but the sides are shaved so high and thin until it’s basically skin. Because the top is so “mushroom” and the bottom is so narrow, he literally looks like a walking, talking nenek’s thumb. Or worse, a very well-groomed, 168cm tall private part.
The “natural volume” just looks like a helmet made of kuku jiao hair. I tell him straight: “Eh bro, you don’t look like an Oppa, you look like an Upa (the mushroom from Mario).”
Then another friend in the chat reply: “Bro, why you go salon pay $200 to look like a kuku bird? I give you $2 and a bowl, I can cut the same thing for you at home.”
Worst part is, he’s still trying to be “confident.” He posted an IG story with one emo filter, thinking he’s very aesthetic. But you know Singaporeans… the comments section is already a bloodbath. People asking him if he’s auditioning for a live-action SpongeBob movie as Squidward’s house.
Honestly, the barber really do him dirty. How can you let a man walk out of the shop looking like a giant circumcised tip? If he walks past a TCM shop, the uncle might try to grind him up into powder to sell as a virility supplement.
Please la, if your head shape is not meant for the “Comma Hair” or “Leaf Perm,” don’t force. Now he looks like he’s permanently wearing a brain cap. Anyone got lobang for a $10 QB House fix? He needs to shave the whole thing off before the police catch him for public indecency.
TL;DR: Friend wanted to be BTS, ended up being a Bell-End. Don’t simply trust Orchard stylists, guys. Always bring a mirror and a sense of shame.