Eh, I cannot brain this. You all need to hear this story because if I don’t laugh out loud, I will internalize and get stroke.
So my childhood friend—let’s call him Kevin—is a licensed Financial Advisor (FA). Safe choice, right? This guy has a Masters degree, wear tailored suit until so sharp can cut paper, and his Instagram bio is all about “Wealth Management” and “Helping you secure your future.”
Yesterday, we were drinking kopi at the coffeeshop. Suddenly he look left, look right, then lower his voice and ask me: “Eh bro… you got any tips on how to save money or grow cash safely? I quite tight this month.”
I look at him. He look at me. I thought he was trying to reverse-psychology me to buy ILP. But no, his face sibei serious.
I asked him, “Bro, you licensed FA, you got Masters degree, you ask me? I am just a Kopitiam Ah Beng leh.”
He sighed and confessed: bank account balance zero dollar. Sian half.
Turns out, his “wealth management” is just managing to look wealthy. High-SES lifestyle, renting BMW to impress clients, eating at cafe every day, and buying crypto at the peak.
So I gave him my old-school, Ah Beng financial masterclass. The stuff our parents hammered into our heads:
- Rule 1: Earn $10, spend $3. The remaining $7, put in high-yield bank or safe ETF and don’t touch.
- Rule 2: Don’t anyhow spend. If you cannot buy it twice in cash, you cannot afford it.
- Rule 3: Cook at home or eat cai fan. Stop buying $8 iced latte when Kopitiam Kopi O Peng is $1.50 and kicks harder.
He sat there taking notes on his iPhone 15 Pro Max like I am some Wall Street guru.
Seriously, sometimes I think all these finance degrees and FA licenses are just pieces of paper for them to sell things nia. Talk so much about compounding interest, but own bank account got no interest to compound.
Irony until maximum. Next time your FA ask you to buy policy, ask to see their bank statement first. Truly sibei joke.