This is about my secondary school friend, let’s call him Tan. Names changed to protect the “innocent” (or not so innocent).
Bro, I need to vent because my mind is completely blown. You know those textbook Singaporean guys? The ones who do everything “right”? Get good grades, go NS, get stable corporate job, buy BTO, get married, and never even cross the road when the red man is walking. That was Tan. Guy has been a literal saint his whole life. Never smoke, never gamble, never go Geylang, don’t even know what is Siam Diu.
Then he married his wife. Wah lau eh.
I don’t want to be mean, but this woman is a different breed of toxic. For five years, she micromanaged his entire existence. Every single cent of his salary must report. He wants to buy a $10 GrabFood, must get approval via PDF receipt. She treats him like a Grab driver plus free maid. Worst part? The constant gaslighting and emotional abuse. Every day she will compare him to her friend’s husband who is a managing director driving a Mercs. “Why you so useless? Why you cannot earn more? Look at Kevin!” Bro, Tan works 12 hours a day and brings home a decent 7k, but to her, he is a failure. He tolerated it because he wanted to keep the peace.
Last month, something snapped. He caught her sending super inappropriate, flirty texts to her “male bestie” (we all know what that means). When confronted, she turned it around and screamed at him for “violating her privacy” and threw a Dyson fan at his head.
That was the exact moment Tan’s villain arc began.
He didn’t cry. He didn’t divorce her immediately (saving evidence for asset split first, big brain move). Instead, he decided his good boy days were officially over. He unlocked a completely new side quest: The Chicken Hunting Journey.
Guys, when I say this man went from 0 to 100, I mean he bypassed the speed limit entirely. The guy who used to blush when a female cashier spoke to him is now a regular at Telegram groups I didn’t even know existed. He started doing “market research” every Friday night. He tells his wife he is “working late to earn more OT pay” (which she loves), but in reality, he is out there living his best life exploring different “cuisines” all over Geylang, Orchard Towers, and KTVs.
I met him for kopi yesterday and he showed me his phone. He literally created an Excel spreadsheet. EXCEL SPREADSHEET, SIAN. He rated them based on:
- Service Level (KPI achieved or not)
- Value for Money (ROI)
- Attitude (Customer satisfaction)
He told me, “Bro, my wife treats me like trash for free. Here, I pay, and I am treated like a king. The economy might be bad, but the service industry in Geylang is thriving.”
I don’t even know whether to laugh or cry. On one hand, yes, cheating is wrong and very messy. But on the other hand, seeing a man break out of a 5-year psychological prison and apply his corporate Excel skills to tracking “chickens” is the most Singaporean, unhinged thing I have ever witnessed.
Moral of the story: Don’t push a good man to the edge. If you treat your husband like an animal, don’t be surprised when he starts hunting. End of rant. Now go back to work, tomorrow still need to pay CPF.MAN BEHAVES HIS WHOLE LIFE UNTIL WIFE DRIVES HIM NUTS & HE BEGAN HIS “CHICKEN HUNTING JOURNEY”