Every single day, without fail, I will have my routine. My digestion is actually top-tier, pass with flying colors one. Fully efficient. Every morning, 8:00 AM sharp, the turtle wants to come out. I go inside the toilet, do my business, standard 10 minutes, zero drama. I wash up, flush, step out feeling like a new man ready to face the corporate rat race.
The moment my foot touches the living room floor tile? BOOM.
My wife will start her daily opera. She will pinch her nose, face crunch up like dried up muah chee, and start shouting at the top of her lungs. “WALAO EH! Why your pangsai always so smelly?! You eat garbage is it?! The whole house corridor can smell already! Go away, don’t talk to me!”
Every. Single. Day. She KPKB like I just committed a biological warfare crime in our BTO.
Hello??? Excuse me? It is POOP. It is literal waste matter leaving my body. Am I supposed to poop out our national flower is it? You want Vanda Miss Joaquim scent coming out from my backside? You think I am a Febreze automatic spray dispenser?
I told her, my digestion is damn good, that’s why it’s daily and consistent. She should be happy I’m healthy! If one day I poop and it smells like Lavender and Rose water, she better bring me to Mount Elizabeth Emergency immediately because something is mentally and physically wrong with my internal organs.
Now she is enforcing crazy rules. Must spray half a bottle of Aesop toilet drops before and after. Must turn on the ventilation fan for 45 minutes. Cannot use the master bedroom toilet, must use the common toilet like I am some low-ses tenant renting a room in my own house. Yesterday I just ate a bit of dry mala xiang guo (da la) and some garlic gyudon, today the house atmosphere is like World War 3.
Any other brothers facing this? How to make your pangsai smell like a 5-star hotel lobby? Or should I just go buy a gas mask for her upcoming birthday? Please advice, thank you.Wife complaint I pangsai too smelly, am I suppose to poop flowers?