My parents divorced when I was 3. My mom married my stepdad when I was 7. My stepdad is a nice guy. I get along really well with him.
But our relationship is only what it is because he knew and understood that while our relationship could be good, he could never be my dad because I have always had a loving and active dad in my life. He never wanted to pressure me or disrespect my dad so he worked on being more of an adult ally in my life and a friend almost than dad. When he and my mom had kids, he was different with them than me, but he didn’t treat me badly by any means. He just knew I wasn’t his kid and I was glad it didn’t make him start trying to push for more.
About a year ago he mentioned he was considering a tattoo to represent his kids. We talked about it for a while and I even helped him pick out a design and stuff and find an artist.
So my grandparents had always disliked the fact he didn’t “step up as a father” for me. This was despite me saying I already had a dad and that I loved my stepdad, but he would never be dad. They would accuse him of favoritism and stuff like that. Then the tattoo conversation came up and my grandparents and my mom started ganging up on him, saying he was shitty for not representing me on the tattoo. He explained but was told it was a bigger show of not considering me his kid and after almost a decade he shouldn’t be leaving me out like that.
I stood up for him but it never got better. Then over the weekend he said he had called the tattoo off and wasn’t going to do it anymore since it was causing so much upset. I blew up on my mom and grandparents. I told them they needed to stop forcing a relationship that doesn’t exist. That they should respect the fact I already have a dad, my stepdad is not that, and I am not his kid, so not including me on the tattoo should not be a big deal. That my feelings were never hurt. I never felt unwanted or uncared for. I said they were being shitty to a great guy and that my mom was going to ruin her marriage. I pointed out, and not for the first time, that I had helped him pick a design and find the artist to do the tattoo. Mom told me I would feel differently if he went ahead and I’m too young, at 16, to make that decision on our relationship. I told her to get over herself. She told me I was being rude. My grandparents said my feelings didn’t actually matter because it was about more than that. I told them they were shitty people for pushing it so hard and maybe I should just go live with my dad to make life easier on everyone. Then they can leave my poor stepdad alone.
Mom grounded me for blowing up at them and being rude. She told me I was treating them horribly when they were just thinking of me and defending me.
AITA?
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