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Sunday, March 26, 2023


Should I end a 20+ year marriage because of texts?


We are both in our early 40’s and have been married 20+ years.

He has just been acting weird lately, distant.

We were shopping in Uniqlo with our adult kids and I saw him texting and smiling. I didn’t think anything of it so I popped next to him and said who are you texting?

I saw that the text window was pink but he jerked his phone away too fast. He said you can’t see, it’s about Christmas. I said was it our daughter?

He said no, but his smile vanished. I said who was it…your Xbox friends?

He didn’t say anything. I said who was it, he said just a girl from work, she was having problems with her kid. My heart and head were going a mile a min. Something felt off. We were headed to dinner with the kids so I said I’d wait in the car. He followed.

When we were in the car I said what’s her name. He said it doesn’t matter. I said let me see your phone, he said no. I said let me see, he said I panicked and deleted. He said I was overreacting and he knew I would act like this. I said let me see your phone, he refused.

Now, I know I’m the AH for this next part. As we were driving, just the 2 of us, he said I need to just trust him but he’s not showing me his phone. By the time we got to the restaurant, I was heated. So as we were waiting with the adult kids and his mom, I said let me see your phone, he said no.

So I turned around to the kids and his mom and said “He was texting another girl and won’t show me his phone and deleted it.” I know…not their business.(I have apologized to them and won’t talk about this anymore withbthem)We sat down and I said what’s her name if I have nothing to worry about.

He said it’s not the time, I had a moment of clarity and agreed. I sat there silently crying when I had to go outside to wait in the car.

When we got home, I told him all he has to do is show me his phone, so I can see who you were texting, prove me wrong so I can apologize and we can talk.

He refused, said I was blowing this out of proportion and he needed to go away to think. I said If you don’t show me, this is over. I said then don’t come back. He left. We have life 360 and his phone hasn’t been off, so I know he went to his moms and hasn’t left. But now I don’t know what to think.

Should I divorce?

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