This post will contain death, terminal cancer, and blood, please do not read if those things bother you.
My father who I love dearly has terminal cancer. He beat it the first time and was in remission for about a year and then it came back.
We went to one of the best doctors we could but they said it was inoperable due to the location of it (his thyroid) removing the tumor would cause half his body to be partially paralyzed and he would have to use a feeding tube and he would no longer be able to talk. Chemotherapy would be the best option for him.
He battled it for about 2 years with chemotherapy and it was not working, it was just slowing it down.
They told me that his cancer had spread to another part of his oesophagus and it is terminal. There was nothing else they could do. Radiation was not an option. He was wanting to hold on because I am pregnant with my first kid and I am an only child.
He wanted to meet the grandkid, and that is why he wanted to continue the treatments even though they were not working anymore.
He decided a month ago that he could no longer fight it, the chemotherapy was making him too sick and beating him down too much. Having worked in an assisted living facility for about 4 years I understood completely, there is this saying “Quality of life over quantity of life”
I told him that he doesn’t need to fight anymore, that I understand, am not mad and that I support his decision. What he doesn’t know is after the appointment where they declared him terminal, I pulled the doctor out of earshot of my dad and asked them about how long he had. I knew and the doctor explained that they can not give a definite amount of time but they stated that he will most likely not be able to need the kid.
So about 2 weeks ago my dad finally caves and agrees to be put on hospice due to the cancer spreading exponentially around one side of his neck. The tumours took his voice and also due to the location of the cancer it paralyzed half of his face. On top of that, some of the tumours are growing outward and splitting open his skin.
As of last week my dad’s neck started bleeding and what kills me is thinking about what he is going through, I couldn’t imagine seeing my body change every day and lose the ability to be able to communicate well, smile and eat and drink effectively.
Part of me wishes that he would pass away sooner than later due to how much he is suffering and how much pain he is in. I know I will grieve the death of my father and it will hurt so much being without him but at this point it is not about me, it is about my dad suffering and once he passes he will finally have relief and be pain free for the first time in years.