Do Men Ask Women Out Here?
I am a American so forgive me if I am ignorant to any cultural norms. I’m just wonder how people actually meet other people here. I tend to talk to everyone and just have general conversation with strangers. If I see someone I like and the conversation is good , I will directly ask them out for a coffee.
My colleagues told me I was weird for doing it. However, it works for me. Of course, sometimes, I am rejected but its all apart of courtship and at least I had a nice social interaction. I just can’t see using a dating app, it’s just not for me.
I would love to hear your opinions
It’s not so much that men don’t ask women out directly.
It’s more that we don’t talk to strangers much in general. There is a pragmatism-focused “safety shell” Singaporeans tend to keep up by default.
In this context, the local general approach to dating tends to be more presumptuous / implicit in nature.
It’s more like friends that get along in a platonic context that will gradually start doing couple-stuff with / for each other on the assumption that it’s reciprocated. Like going out together (as part of a group) more often, the girl bringing tissue paper and water bottle for the guy, the guy sending the girl home, peeling prawns for one another, etc.
Then one day one of the parties will just initiate hand holding, for instance, to confirm the aforesaid assumption. It’s usually done with plausible deniability, like holding her hands when crossing the road because you’re worried about her safety. When the other party accepts the hand holding (or doesn’t quickly let go when they finish crossing the road), that’s when it finally becomes a romantic relationship proper.
It’s not as upfront and express as your method, so it’s less intimidating to the couple’s safety shell.
From the male perspective, it also strategically slowly eases into the woman’s heart; what might have been a “no” at the start could slowly be turned into a “yes” over time. If you ask them out for coffee at first, you immediately crystalise the “no”. Once it leaves her mouth, the decision becomes express and that would be the end of it.
It does more likely lead to misunderstandings though when there’s only unilateral interest. (E.g. getting rejected while hand holding, and parties never speak again. There goes 4 months of your time peeling prawns!)
It is also why Asian women tend to reject gifts or rides from platonic friends. This is to avoid the implication in para 4 above given the cultural context they were raised in.
It is also why Asian aunties (once they are past dating age / looks) suddenly become so friendly to strangers. They are suddenly not afraid of sending wrong para 4 signals anymore. Hence they can unleash the full extent of their social skills and cultural hospitality without reservation.