Sus BF
I want to share something that has been haunting me even after one year and it is still very heartbroken. I decided to say it out in the hopes that it will not haunt me as much.
My bf (35) has been really secretive with his phone since we were together. And then, he met this girl at work that he kept mentioning about. Immediately, I knew it’s a red flag.
I wanted to be cool about it and let him have female friends, so one day they went out alone and I allowed, though not feeling good about it. He then went and called me at night to tell me what they did. Only after a few months, I found out they went to a different place than what I was told. Fast forward, I started to snoop his phone, and found out he kept asking her out and even ask inappropriate questions (but not sexual related).
So I asked him to block her which he respectfully did.
Fast forward again, after being together for 4 years, I accidentally found out that he has a weird fetish that is illegal and I considered that as disgusting and sick.
I was super shock and did not know how to handle it. Then that night I snoop again, he has been doing it throughout our relationship and my own sister was a victim too.
He did try to explain it to me, but when asked why multiple times, he couldn’t answer. He even got mad at me for snooping. How could I not since I’ve been foolishly been lied to for the past 4 years? Since then, we also don’t do the deed as frequently anymore. Maybe a few months once only.
Fast forward again till today, it’s 5th year now, yes I’m still together with him because, without all these episodes, he was a great man to me, nice and all. But this still haunts me these days that I have nightmares about him cheating etc.
I will also have episodes of depression, but I’m not diagnosed officially because it’s expensive. Tried to look for a shrink but had to wait 4 months for cheaper ones. In the end, I gave up.
I really needed an outlet to rant this out, thank you for this.