I [22F] found out my boyfriend [22M] slept with his dying friend
TLDR; My boyfriend didn’t tell me that he slept with his dying friend. We were together when it happened. He’s still sad about her death. I feel jealous and I don’t know what to do.
I wouldn’t have found out if one of our mutual friends didn’t slip. My boyfriend and the girl did it when they were on vacation with other friends. She had a terminal illness and is dead now.
I’m confident that he was never attracted to her. They never had a relationship beyond that. She did have a secret crush on him though. She was the little sister of their friend group.
He was visiting the hospital when she died. He’s never had a death in his life before so it really shook him. For the past year, his mental health has been very unwell.
It’s not solely because of her death but it was the catalyst. He rarely, if ever, talks about his feelings except with me. I hate myself because I get angry inside whenever he mentions her. I can’t express my jealousy because she’s dead anyway.
This jealousy is eating me up. I just know that it wasn’t just f-ing. They totally made love because of her condition. I don’t even know who initiated it. It was probably something like how she didn’t want to die a virgin.
My boyfriend and I had never even slept together all the way then. To clarify, he didn’t lose his virginity to her but she did lose her virginity to him.
We have an otherwise perfect relationship. He’s always been a good boyfriend even when he’s at his lowest now. I had bad episodes before and the lowest of low points. He was the first who stood by me. My family is strict and didn’t approve of us but he tried hard to win even my extended family over.
We’ve been together for more than 3 years and have known each other since school. No history of infidelity from both parties.
I don’t know if I can talk to him about this. I don’t want to push him to the brink. But I’m also afraid that he might be dismissive of my feelings. What to do?