My snoring BF (30M) guilts me (30F) about being light sleeper
TL;DR my bf is snoring terribly and instead of doing something about it or at least being benevolent about sleeping in separate bedrooms, he demands I go to meditation therapy so that my sleep is deeper and uninterrupted by snoring and we can share bedroom again.
So about last year my BF started to snore out of nothing, although he had never snored many years prior. He definitely hasn’t sleep apnea and is not obese, it’s just probably something known as “primary snoring” that can be caused by shape of tonsils, body morphology or sleeping position. The snoring is worse when he drinks, when it’s hot and as a severe allergic reaction when his nose is clogged.
First he wouldn’t believe me, but then he got this snoring app, where he saw firsthand that the decibels are out of the roof. He then tried some OTC remedies, but nothing worked. I was starting to get resentful, because I’d wake up every day at about 3-4 AM due to his snoring and couldn’t fall asleep afterwards until I got up for work at 6.00. Needless to say, my sleep was completely ruined as I was routinely getting only about 4-5 hours a night, which was affecting my work performance severely. Finally, seeing no other solution I moved to a spare room.
Now, the truth is my sleep is really quite light, I always have trouble falling asleep in unknown places, or occasionally (max once a month) when I’m overly stressed or excited (eg before a flight or when I have important meeting etc). I also get woken up by light or noise easily, even tho I’m sleeping with earplugs every night, I workout a lot to get physically tired and have very good sleep hygiene (no blue light, complete dark in the room etc). My bf says I’m overly sensitive and totally fussy and I should seek therapy to learn how to meditate and relax so that my sleep is deeper. The thing is I find this to be complete bull – people simply have some sleep patterns and it’s not possible I “make my sleep deeper” without prescription pills. It is what it is. I’ve been sleeping like this for my entire life, even when I’m not stressed or unrelaxed.
My bf is now angry with me, bcs I want to keep separate bedrooms for the sake of getting enough sleep for my normal daily functioning. I also don’t see this issue as a big deal – it’s normal that people snore, so it’s not like it’s his fault. I still love the guy, but I certainly love him more on days when I’m well rested. When we’re sleeping, it’s just that – sleeping. It’s not like we were professing love by sleeping in each other’s arms, when sleeping in one bed would come in handy. But he keeps saying sleeping separately damages our relationship.
He demands I move back to the bedroom and do something about my sleep pattern, so that I sleep soundly and don’t wake up every night at roughly the same time. I absolutely refuse to take benzos or hypnotics bcs I don’t need pills, I just need my quiet and dark, and all is ok. In the meantime, I find it outraging he guilts me about this but won’t go to doctor nor use any of the anti-snore devices, bcs they are “uncomfortable”. I told him his demands are absurd and I’m not paying for any meditation therapy, bcs I don’t see how it could make my sleep deeper.
Is my sleep pattern really so unusual? Any advice on how to deal with this?