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Tuesday, February 27, 2024


Can someone give me some advice on what I should do? My bf and I are currently at the stage of discussing marriage and I know for sure this is the guy I want to marry. We had actually broken up several years back because he wanted to pursue his dream of working overseas and I wasn’t ready to leave my life here to go with him. We dated other people after that but none of those relationships worked out and now that he’s back for good, we reconnected and got back together as we realised we are the ones for each other.


Everything would have worked out perfectly if not for the fact that now that we are considering marriage, we start to talk about joint finances. Ever since I started working, I have been giving my parents money to help them out with the household finances. Being the eldest in the family, I know how hard it is on my parents to raise my siblings and I just on my dad’s salary and I really wanted to help them out so they don’t have to be so stressed about money. I don’t really spend a lot on myself and since I stay with my parents, all along I’ve been giving them at least half of my salary. On months when I get my bonus, I’ll give them more.

To my bf, he cannot understand why I need to give my parents money because he has never needed to do so. His parents earn quite a bit and are self-sufficient so growing up, they have never asked him for any allowance. Because of this, I don’t think he gets where I’m coming from and is very adamant that after we get married, I shouldn’t be using our joint finances to give my parents that same allowance. He also pointed out that now my siblings have grown up and are also earning money, my parents don’t have to depend on my money for a living anymore so I don’t have to continue giving them so much.

My bf makes sense but the thing is when I brought this up to my parents, they didn’t explicitly say that I don’t have to give them money but my mom will guilt trip me by saying that if they cannot cope, they’ll just take a loan from the bank and I don’t have to worry. When I ask them if my siblings are giving them allowance, she says they don’t and she doesn’t ask from them because they just started work and probably needs to use the money. When I talk to my siblings about this, they’ll just brush me off and give all sorts of excuses why they don’t even have enough money to use for themselves. I know the rational thing is to do as what my bf says but I feel emotionally trapped and a bad daughter if I don’t continue to give my parents money.

Can anyone tell me what I should do?

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