My (f28) boyfriend sometimes uses a timer when we F – has this happened to anyone else here?
My boyfriend (m28) and I (f28) have been together a little more than a year. I love him very much and want it to work, but one thing that has increasingly worn on me over time is a general disinterest from him in my pleasure.
In the beginning of the relationship, we had usually little to no foreplay, quickly getting into penetration, and then him finishing and rolling over to fall asleep – basically, intercourse was over when he came, even though I hadn’t gotten off at all.
This kept happening so I talked to him about it, and he said he would do better and put in more effort to help me finish.
After that, there were times when he would actually attempt to make me come. The problem is, though, he never seems to be enjoying it at all, and he acts like it’s kind of a chore.
One thing he started doing some of the time, for example, is setting a timer on his phone when he starts to finger me. He’ll say like, “alright, I’m giving you 5 minutes to come” or “I’m giving you 8 minutes to come, and if it doesn’t happen before the time is up I’m going to sleep.”
This makes me feel awful and like the least desirable person in the world tbh, and it’s not even fun at that point because it feels like he has no interest/enthusiasm in doing it in the first place.
It also makes it harder to finish bc I feel under pressure and like I’m racing against a clock, which I’ve told him.
My question is has this (or something similar) happened to anyone else? I really don’t know what to make of it. I feel like he must obviously not be attracted to me, or something along those lines.
People tell me I’m attractive, with previous partners we’ve always been really enthusiastic to give pleasure to each other, and it doesn’t really take me a particularly long time to finish – I don’t get it.
He tells me he loves me and wants a family with me one day, but I just don’t really see how you can love someone and not want to/care about making them feel good.
What would you make of the timer thing? I’ve also asked him if he could go down on me more often because I suck him pretty regularly, but he almost always will just give an excuse and say he’s too tired.
He’s gone down on me maybe 5 times in the last year. I’d be totally fine w/ it if it just isn’t his thing, but he consistently says he enjoys doing it, which makes me feel like he just doesn’t enjoy doing it on me.
Grateful for any advice or similar experiences you’ve been through.