It started a few months ago. I started noticing small things that seemed weird to me. He would hide his phone and change the password constantly. He kept switching from numbers to a weird design to numbers again. Whenever I would catch him on his computer late at night (he’s an insomniac and sometimes spends entire nights in the living room watching stuff on his laptop and headphones) he would shut it real quick. Anytime I would ask about it, he would brush it off or change the subject or reassure me it was “nothing to worry about” or “work stuff”.
He was always super good at sending me surprises like flowers at work or funny memes while I was visiting family and he couldn’t tag along. But a few times when I got really upset about the weirdness he would take me out to eat at nice places or places I really like even if he doesn’t like them much. It just sorta felt like he was trying to cover tracks and make me forget why I was upset. He would even do extra chores around the house (since we split 50/50) so I could just put my feet up after work.
There were also times he just seemed super excited or happy but when I would ask about it, he would stammer through some lame excuse like he didn’t realize I was there to see or had to think up something fast. Something was just gnawing at my insides because I just knew he was keeping something from me. But I just didn’t have the proof.
So earlier tonight we had my sister and her husband over for dinner. I was sitting talking with them while he went to grab the dessert from the kitchen but he was taking so long that I went in with my sister to see what was up. That’s when I heard, “yes, let’s do that…..no, I think we’re good, she doesn’t know anything.” And he sounded so proud that “she” didn’t know.
And it was like everything just came crashing down because I thought, that’s it. That’s my proof. And I started crying and my sister jumped to the same conclusion and started yelling. Then I started yelling, pointing out everything these last few months and she yelled some more. Her husband watched from the dining room, wide-eyed and totally freaked out too because his wife was. After we all finished yelling at him, while he was on the phone, he said, “Mom I have to call u back” and hung up.
He just….offered me his phone with this weird look on his face. On his phone were plane tickets, tickets for tours and a concert, hotel reservations, an email exchange with my boss about approving time off for me and a picture of a ring sent to his mother. The tickets were to a place I have always wanted to go. The tours were for things I wanted to do.
My brain went blue screen, I couldn’t even think and he went into our room and locked the door. He won’t come out and he won’t talk to me and I can’t even text him because I have his phone which his mom is blowing up and asking what happened, who was yelling, is he ok….
I’m a bad person. I know this. I had no real proof like pictures or emails or texts or anything. What can I do? Can I fix this? How do I even begin to apologize? I’m so lost and my sister has no idea what to say or do either. I feel so fucking awful. I just kept remembering all the stories of women who let go of red flags or dismissed weird behavior only to find out the guy was cheating, and it built up so far into my head that it just spilled over. My gut was telling me he was hiding something and he was, but it was not what the panic in my mind told me it was.