My son Ben came out as bisexual a couple of years ago. Most of our family accepted him. Although I know he disliked some of our actions when he came out (we are still in contact with familiars or friends that didn’t accept him), we tried to be as supportive as we could. And a bit after he came out he introduced us to his boyfriend. He was a really sweet guy and clearly loved our son.
However about a year ago some rumours, apparently spread by my other son James, said that he used to be a woman. We didn’t believe it but eventually Ben confirmed that his boyfriend was trans, and I admit it was quite shocking and hard to process. This also kinda ruined the relationship between our sons.
Now to the problem itself. Yesterday we decided to have a small gathering with the four of us ( me, my wife and our two sons ). We ate a delicious meal, we talked a lot, in general we were having a good time. I could tell that there was some tension between our sons but I thought that they could handle it. Then I decided to ask Ben “what is [his boyfriend] doing now?”, to which James replied “yeah, what is she doing?”.
This immediately angered Ben, so they started insulting each other. Luckily I managed to change the subject and tell them to calm down before they started an actual fight.
After James left, Ben confronted me about this. He was angry that I didn’t “defend him or at least say something to James”. Now, I agree that what James said was rude, but it was Ben who insulted his brother and worsened the situation. So I don’t think it would have been right for me to defend or pick a side. But he didn’t see it that way, he told me that “either you do something or I won’t visit again”. Which hurts me a lot.
Since then I have not talked to either of them directly, but apparently the rest of our family is choosing sides. Ben is still very angry at me, and although I understand why he was angry at his brother I think he is being unreasonable with me.