fellow Singaporeans, how do i deal with “fragile masculinity men” at my workplace?
Hello, I recently finished my studies and entered my first office job. Barely a few weeks into my job, my supervisor is threatening to have me fired, and verbally abusing me on a daily basis.
I wish to share some examples, and I hope that someone here with more tempered experience has advice on how I can deal with my superior without burning any bridges.
Incident 1:
My very first week at work: at company meeting, my supervisor forgot to update a particular project status, and I gently reminded him. (I would come to learn that this damages his pride)
He proceeded to wait till I was alone in the office with him, before suddenly launching into a lecture about how I made him look bad.
“That’s not my intention, I just wanted to remind you”, I said
“No, you made me look desperate for approval. don’t question me. When I tell you anything, you seem to think there is room for negotiation.”
I was like HUH????? but told myself that perhaps it was my fault, and i made him look bad.
Incident 2:
We were checking through some office inventory. Seeing that he is having some issues locating an entry on a 10-page document, I said this:
“Hey, do you want me to take a look? Maybe a fresh pair of eyes will be able to spot it”
He somehow took great offense with that, and replied:
“eh, you just hurt my feelings you know. YOU THINK I CANNOT FIND IT MYSELF IS IT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN FRESH PAIR OF EYES? I SEE THIS PAPER NOT EVEN 2 MINS YOU SAY I OLD IS IT”
Is his fragile masculinity so fragile that such a minor thing hurt him?
Incident(s) 3:
On days when we are extremely busy, he doesn’t ever contribute to any work. He instead chooses to contribute by standing a distance away and ordering us around. We are usually fine working on our own, but he LOVES to barge in on us. He would then make us explain our every move to him, so that he can tell us it’s “wrong” “confusing ourselves” and “inefficient”, he then proceeds to verbally tell us how HE would do it, without actually lending a hand. If we don’t follow his exact way of doing things, he would scold me for having attitude & obedience issues, threatening to report me to the boss.
Incident 4:
He hurts us with very rude language, but gets upset at the slightest critique he receives. He’d never let me finish my sentences, cutting me off with inexcusably rude phrases like
“you’re not answering my question”
“That’s not what I asked”
“Now you’re just contradicting yourself”
“Are you questioning me?”
Yet, when our company boss critiques his presentation pitches, my supervisor gets upset and hurt at the smallest feedback.
He likes to dish out the heat but can’t take any.
Final Incident:
Today, he waited to I was alone in the office with him, before saying to me in an extremely degrading tone, “come here right now.” He proceeded to tell ask if I have obedience issues or if I’m trying to show attitude, before threatening that he would bring me to talk with management about being a poor worker.
For reference, I am on good terms with management and have always completed all my assigned work dutifully.
What did I do wrong this time? I was taking too long with stocktaking, and I was taking too long because I was not doing things in his EXACT ideal way.
In actuality, I was late because of Incident #3, whereby instead of lending a hand, he was wasting precious time nitpicking and micro-managing our every move.
Dear Singaporean, what can I do? How can I stay at my job without one day losing my cool? (thus losing my job?)
I doubt speaking to management will help, as I risk them siding him.
I can’t ask questions or talk to this supervisor at all.
I feel like no matter what i do, I won’t have anyone side me because I am new, and he’s my supervisor.
Sorry for the long post. I came home quite emotional as a 20-something adult and was writing this between deep breaths of frustration. I love my new job, and everyone else there is really nice.