In the realm of wedding etiquette, traditions and expectations often vary from one culture to another. One such custom is the exchange of “ang baos,” which are gifts of money typically given by guests to newlyweds.
But what happens when a guest misses the wedding, and the newlyweds believe that they should still receive an ang bao in return for a previous gift?
This unique scenario emerged in China, where one bride’s insistence on reciprocation sparked a heated debate.
The Story Unfolds
The tale begins in Sichuan, China, where a bride, surnamed Huang, was deeply upset by the absence of an ex-colleague from her wedding.
The reason for her distress was not merely the absence but rather the feeling of unfulfilled obligation. Huang had previously gifted this ex-colleague 400 yuan (SGD$75) when he got married, following the tradition of presenting ang baos. Her belief was that, since she had been generous on his special day, he was now obligated to attend her wedding.
The Quest for Reciprocation
To ensure her ex-colleague’s presence, Huang extended both a physical wedding invitation and a digital one via WeChat. However, despite her efforts, her ex-colleague did not grace her wedding with his presence, which left her vexed and disappointed.
Huang’s reaction was to send multiple messages to her ex-colleague, politely demanding repayment of the ang bao. In these messages, she emphasized her belief that reciprocation was only fair. Her ex-colleague’s no-show and lack of response were seen as a breach of wedding etiquette, which deeply bothered Huang.
The Dispute
In her messages, Huang expressed her frustration: “What do you mean by this? I have you a red packet of 400 yuan for your wedding, return it to me. You owe me this favour”.
Her ex-colleague, however, held a different perspective. He conveyed to Huang’s husband that he felt her wedding invitation was not genuine, explaining his absence.
Huang vehemently disagreed with her ex-colleague’s justification. In her view, his absence was tolerable, but not returning the ang bao was not. She emphasized the significance of the gift and the expectation that he reciprocate.
The Final Words
As the dispute escalated, Huang suggested that he should have had a better attitude and informed her if he couldn’t attend.
She then said that if he doesn’t have money, he can just tell her. “Apart from your absence on my wedding, your refusal to reply my messages is disrespectful to me. If you are broke, just let me know and I’ll let it go. Your rude attitude makes it seem like I’m the one who owes you instead.”