non Finance, non loan, non property, non banking, non credit card, non car insurance,non trading, loans loaning, housing loan.
How to live with a dysfunctional family? My mother always sings praises of my brother in front of everyone because he earns a lot and is dating this rich girl. But the thing is, he doesn’t give her any allowance because he “needs to save money to buy a house”. And by house he’s looking at private apartments because his gf and her family doesn’t want her to live in a hdb.
My mother even told me that she is planning to give my brother some of her savings so that he can afford a condo. I am honestly so frustrated when she told me this. My parents don’t even have enough savings for their own retirements and healthcare needs, and she wants to give her savings to my brother when he can just settle for hdb if he can’t afford a private apartment. And I’m so sick of his demanding gf too who can’t even understand my family’s financial situation.
I cannot deal with my mother being so obsessed with my brother and his relationship. There was once when the gf was unhappy with the way my mother interacted with her (I personally don’t think there’s anything wrong because that’s just how my mother is and that’s just her character) that she ‘feedbacked’ to my brother which resulted in my bro complaining to my mother about it. She lost sleep over what my brother said and was so upset, and I ended up being the person she vented to and seeked emotional support from. And now she even forced herself to change so that she can get closer to my bro’s gf.
I’m very angry at this situation because i feel that the gf should just try to accept who we are instead of constantly “feedbacking” about us because we are so unlike her family – and now my bro is always trying to pressure us to be this “perfect” family (mentally manipulating and guilt tripping us by saying that if he falls out with his gf, it’s our fault). Thing is, we will never be perfect no matter how hard we try. At most it’ll just be on the surface. My father doesn’t even care because he just spend most of his time drinking and gambling his money away.
Living in this family for 20+ years is so stressful and I’m depressed and anxious. I see no hope in my future and no hope in this family and I don’t even have any support. I tried to tell my mother about my issues (because that’s what everyone says right-confide in your closest about your mental issues) and she straight up told me I’m crazy and told me to go away. I live on tenterhooks everyday and it is affecting me a lot at work too.
I can’t even interact properly with my colleagues because of my social and general anxiety-I can’t breathe whenever I have to talk to someone I’m not close with.
Tldr; my family is just screwed up, doesn’t understand and doesn’t seek to understand, there is no emotional support at all, I feel like dying and I’m drowning in anxiety. Once bitten twice shy, I have no courage to seek any more help and I’m just spiralling downwards everyday. The addition of my bro’s gf into the picture just adds to the problem because we are being “forced” to appear “perfect” so that my bro doesn’t lose face.
And I doubt he even cares about the family anymore because the gf is his key to escape for a better life, that’s why he’s always giving in to her at the expense of the family.
Should I just leave and dump this family?