Parents (55M)(47F)are giving me (20F) cold shoulder because I said I won’t be having kids

Growing up I had a very rough childhood and an even tougher teenage years trying to cope with it all while my family was ignoring my blatant struggling and gaslighting me about it.

Absolutely nobody stood up for me until I started succeeding in school, because I guess they realized I’m an “ace in the hole” to bring the family some honor and money.

Anyways, back to my parents. When I turned 13 my parents drilled into my head that premarital intercourse was a sin and if they found out I’d done it they’d kick me out, disown me and physically punish me in front of everyone.

This has resulted in an obvious phobia to the act. I cannot even think about it without having some sort of meltdown, fearing the brutal punishment my parents would rain down on me if they ever found out.

They know little to nothing about the subject; they’ve only told me that it makes babies and is for married couples only. I know that this is total crap but please keep in mind that being threatened everyday of your life, being asked uncomfortable questions and humiliated in front of your family for things you didn’t even do stay with you for a very long time.

Last night my mom got on her soapbox to my other relatives and started talking about how smart and successful her grandchildren would be.

I am my parents’ only child, so that responsibility fell on me. My aunt asked me if I wanted a boy or a girl. Politely I said “I believe I won’t be having any children” and I tried to leave when someone grabbed me and pulled me back into the conversation.

All at once they were shouting at me as to “why wouldn’t I want kids” to which I replied “because I won’t be having intercourse.” My mom looked horrified and everyone was quiet for the rest of the night.

The next morning my parents came to talk to me about what I said. I told them, albeit in a sarcastic tone, that thanks to them the idea of intimacy terrified me so I wouldn’t be able to stomach it to have children.

They started yelling at me saying I “misunderstood them” and how could I be so selfish as to deprive them of a grandchild. When still I stayed firmly on what I said and refused to back down, they walked out and have been ignoring me since then.

I’m really stressed out at the moment because I hate the silent treatment and have finals going on. I don’t want to argue with them but at the same time I just can’t wish away my fear.

I get bored halfway in and can never finish.

I, 19 F, never thought I would be sharing something so personal with a community of strangers on the internet.

Every night, when I try to get myself off, it’ll start off really good. But once I finally build momentum, I slowly start to lose interest and everything feels so dull, so I eventually give up out of defeat and go to bed.

I don’t get it. I’ve tried thousands of videos, different techniques, and tried every single tip I’ve read online. I’ve never done it. I don’t have any toys, and I use my hand. (In all honesty, I’m afraid to buy one for myself. Ladies, Is it worth it?)

I’ve tried googling this, but I can’t seem to find anyone with the same problem. What should I do??

Netizens’ comments

1. The thing is that this is the kind of problem that doesn’t have a magical “solution”. Probably there isn’t something that changes everything into what you desire (what could be that you finish much quicker or that you don’t get distracted).
   And the other thing is probably that from the moment on that you think “oh my god this is nice, but I’ll get distracted in a few minutes” you’re distracted and it might be over.
   What you can do? Don’t look out for a solution, just work on stuff or figure out things that slightly improve the situation.
   Can you do anything to keep your concentration a bit longer? Can you do anything that makes it even feel nicer? Probably small things, but that might help and get you closer.
   Maybe the time of the day isn’t the best. Maybe that you’re already in bed. Maybe your distracted by adult videos. Maybe you just have a wandering mind. Maybe you should use two hands. Maybe whatever… Anything that makes a slight improvement is an improvement.
   I’m easily distracted too and can loose interest in a heartbeat. When I’m in that mindset, I just stop for a bit and continue a bit later.
   I know that when i’m easily distracted while I’m getting off, I’ll probably as easily distracted when doing something else and I’ll just go back to it after a bit.
   Toys are no wonder solution eather. I mean, it can make me get off slightly faster. It can be or feel a little bit more intense.
   But it can also be something that distracts me (because it makes noise, there are too many buttons, the ideal lube situation could be with slightly more or less lube, … But they are fun, it adds to the excitement and every girl should have a couple of them.

SG work life: How to deal with a colleague who is only mean to you?

At my workplace, there’s this person whom obviously didn’t like me. Her tone to me is always very bad. She was rude to me as well.

It’s very obvious because I overheard her talking to other people, her tone is different. She’s just obviously being mean to me, and I really do not know why.

It’s like she just “kan wo bu shuang (see me not happy)”. I didn’t even do anything to her.

Anyway, I’m new to this company, about 3 plus weeks into it, thus I didn’t have an account of my own yet. Due to this reason, I had to use other ppls account to do work.

And today I happened to use her account. When I was about to use her account, she stopped me and said “I don’t feel comfortable with you using my account. Use other ppls account.”

Another scenario was there was this time I had to ask her some things, and she’s like “what?” in a very inpatient tone.

I have been tolerating her since the beginning. But today it was just so bad that I really broke down and had to run to the washroom to let out the tears to destress.

I know work is like that, there are all kinds of mean people. But I really do not know how to cope with it. I didn’t want to cry today, but I just couldn’t seem to handle it well.

It just feels like the accumulation of tolerating her for the past weeks just suddenly burst out. I really do not wish to cry again at work. It affects my productivity and focus.

Please provide some tips/opinions… :((

Netizens’ comments

Before I dive into this, I just want to clarify that I’m currently serving as an NSF (National Serviceman) in the SAF, with a vocation as an ASA (Administrative Support Assistant), which is essentially what most people would call a clerk.

In the SAF, we rely heavily on OSNs (Operational Support Notebooks), which are our work laptops. When I first joined my unit, there was a shortage of OSNs, and we couldn’t bring our own laptops due to sensitive information concerns.

So, as an NSF, I had to borrow OSNs from others to get my work done. Unfortunately, there was a guy who didn’t really like me. When I asked to borrow his OSN, he unsurprisingly declined, even though he wasn’t using it at the time.

So, I had to resort to what I like to call the “nuclear option.” I informed my Senior Manager that I couldn’t perform my tasks because I didn’t have access to an OSN and requested an extension on my work deadline, citing the OSN shortage. Naturally, my Senior Manager asked why I hadn’t borrowed one from the NSF who had an unused OSN.

I explained that I had asked him, and he had refused. My manager was not pleased and confronted that NSF, ultimately reassigning the OSN to me. This resolved my problem, and I didn’t encounter the same issue again.

In my case, I had a good relationship with my Senior Manager, and I openly discussed my concerns with him, as it directly impacted our work. This proactive approach helped me find a solution. I’ve learned that forming alliances in the workplace and waiting for the right opportunity to address issues can be an effective way to navigate tricky situations, especially when dealing with individuals who may not be the most cooperative.

I wonder if you consider your partner stingy if:

Pay for

• Outside meals
• Doctor visit

Dont pay for

• Shopping (kid’s growing up stage thing, stroller, walker, high chairs etc)
• Household necessities
• Child necessities (milk powder, diapers etc)
• Helper’s salary

These are just some of the things I remembered… im very confused with my partner’s love language… he told me because I said i can afford so he dont give me allowance for the things that stating above as dont pay…

He earns 3/4 times than me… those i stated as dont pay is a monthly expenses… while those “pay” don’t happen frequently… we dont go out often for meal, needless to say we dont go doctor visit every month too… so basically im the one spending more… i dont know whether he is acting blur or he just being stingy to me… whenever i bring up the issue, ended being gaslighting… i told him to take up helper’s salary as its 20% of my salary but not even 10% of his… but he always reluctant to give, and i have to remind him every month…

im sick of being a “beggar” in this situation, any advise how to deal with this type of person?

Here are what netizens think:

• I guess both of you never sit down to discuss finances together. Some of the earlier people approach is good. What I can say is tell you hubby to do a proper sit down discuss, share the load equally and plan future goals together. It’s not 1 person responsibility to shoulder the entire household expenses. Do a balance sheet up listing assets, loans and monthly bills that need to be clear. Joint account for joint liabilities – diapers, food, helper, Internet, utilities bills goes here. Each can contribute X amount monthly. If he refused, then you need to consider if he is really a husband that you can depend on in crisis.
• Having a bank account with both parties contributing to the account in ratio of payscale?
• Yes, he’s stingy. Make him contribute or start taxing him for things that he use and never pay for.
• Yep. Tell him u going to stop having a maid. If he wants he pays. Maybe he gambling, investing or just super stingy. Tell him the kids are his also, need to share right.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 3 years. I am 4 months pregnant and we were both shocked but excited. The other day he went through my phone and found nothing. The week before he kept accusing me of cheating and I was confused because I’ve never cheated on him and considering I’m newly pregnant and focused on that. Cheat would be the last thing on my to do list….. later that day I snatched his phone ran and locked myself in the car and to my surprise he’s been cheating… for quite sometime… my entire pregnancy to be exact.

I am so enraged. I’ve been faithful took trips, loved, and did my part with this man…. and decided to keep our child… we made plans to move and begin a new life with our family but this has me putting on my running shoes. We talked and he admitted it and told me other things but I really have no idea what to do.

I want my family. I want my child to grow up in a 2 parent home with two loving parents. But I can’t get pass this although it’s been 3 days I literally have no trust for him. Should I save my family or walk on. I don’t want to be a single mom or have my child grow up without a father.

Here are what netizens said:

• Honestly, I would not be able to maintain a romantic relationship with someone who shows they have no respect for me (and as you said you have no trust in him). If anything, I would walk away while still trying to maintain a parental relationship for the sake of the child. Obviously this is different if you don’t have much of a support system but if you do I think it would be beneficial to lean on them for advice and to clear your head. Just remember being a “family” can still happen without you sacrificing your own mental wellbeing to stay with a man who violated your trust. He is still be the child’s father though he doesn’t have to be your boyfriend.

• I’m sorry you are going through this! No one can tell you what to do or what is right for you. There is always a reason for the cheating so if you look to stay together, that reason needs to be found and trust needs to be rebuilt All the best to you

• Im so sorry. My thoughts he was blaming you of cheating checking your phone for receipts. I think he looking for a way out this baby made it real for him. He Doesn’t deserve this family yet!! Right now take your time with this decision. Take a step back and look after ur health and the baby. Stress can hurt him/her. You want that baby to have a family. You can provide the love to ur baby separately. Dont allow yourself to be so disrecpted. Ask yourself can you live knowing his? Will u always question where he’s at? Will you check up on him? Is this how you want to live or do you want to focus on that precious bundle inside you. Will you ever trust him 100%? Good luck and congrats on the baby.

Not all Singaporean uncles sit at kopitiam shake leg and gossip whole day. Got one uncle, we call him Ah Tan, age already 45, but this one damn solid – he got brain, got patience, and got strategy. While other people play 4D and Toto hope to strike big, Ah Tan slowly play stock market, use something called “covered call” to earn kopi money… in the end, he pay off his HDB loan earlier than expected.

Covered Call Not Some Ah Beng Gambling

Ah Tan not anyhow play one. He buy stocks properly, mostly those big brand companies that give dividend, like DBS, Singtel, or even some US blue chip stocks like Coca-Cola or Apple. But hor, instead of just waiting for stock price to go up, he use one clever trick: covered call.

This method not risky gambling. He already own 100 shares of a stock, then he sell the “option” to let someone buy from him at higher price. If the price never reach, he still keep the money. This option money every month come in like side income. Steady right?

He tell his wife, “This one like I rent out my stock to people for short term, but I still own the stock. Better than leave in bank earn 1.5% only.”

Every Month Like Got Bonus

Some months, his covered call strategy give him $300–$500 extra. Add this to his dividend income, plus his normal salary from working in logistics, he put everything extra into his HDB loan.

He say, “Every time I earn from stock market, I don’t go eat buffet or buy new phone. I straightaway top up HDB loan. Don’t want to owe government too long.”

Wife also shocked – thought they must take 25 years to clear the loan. But in 12 years, fully paid. Even the HDB officer also blur when see balance become zero so fast.

Slowly Win The Race

Now Ah Tan no need to worry about housing loan. He still do covered calls every month, sometimes even teach his nephew how to do. But he always say, “Must study first, don’t rush. Covered call not magic, is discipline.”

People who laugh at him last time now all start asking him for tips.

Moral of the story? Don’t just sit and complain life expensive. Learn how to make your money work for you — like Ah Tan, can pay off house early, live stress-free, and still got kopi money come in every month. Steady lah.