I’m married but I can’t stop having constant fantasies about my co-worker

I started a new job a few months ago and I instantly noticed this incredibly attractive woman who was one of my new co-workers.

In terms of physical appearance, she was pretty much my exact dream woman, and despite the fact that I was married, I found myself instantly drawn to her.

We chatted a few times and it seemed like our personalities didn’t really mesh at all, and soon I felt my infatuation with her starting to fade. I chalked it up to a typical short-lived “work crush” kind of thing.

Then about three weeks ago, I randomly had a dream about this co-worker. It wasn’t even an obscene dream; it was just a dream about us starting up a relationship and dating, and both of us were very happy.

Since that dream, I can’t stop thinking about this woman in an explicit way. I am literally constantly having fantasies about her; when I’m trying to sleep, when I’m in the shower, when I’m doing chores, when I’m driving.

The first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning is walking into work, approaching her from behind, and kissing her on the neck while I wrap my arms around her. I feel like it’s literally driving me insane that I can’t get her off my mind.

And it’s mostly purely physical stuff. Like I’m usually not fantasizing about leaving my wife for her or actually starting a relationship with her.

I’m really usually not the kind of guy who fantasizes about other women. My wife and I have been together for about 20 years, and throughout almost all the time, she was the only woman I desired or thought about.

Part of me feels really, really guilty about this, but part of me also feels strangely alive because of it.

I genuinely like my job, but now while I’m at work, I feel like I’m just doing everything I can to not come off as creepy towards her. I usually try to avoid her, but it’s not always possible as her department and mine work together a lot.

It’s actually starting to interfere with my ability to concentrate at my job. And when we do talk, it feels like she’s acting differently towards me than usual. Not flirting with me exactly, but being way more open and friendly towards me than she usually is. Maybe I’m overthinking it, or maybe she somehow has discerned that I’m thinking about her this way. Women can tell these things.

Of course, I’d never try to actually act on these fantasies. This woman and I are acquaintances at best and I’m fairly confident she has no interest in me romantically. And although my marriage is going through a bit of a rough patch right now, I definitely don’t want to leave my wife.

I just don’t know what to do; I’ve actually even considered quitting my job because I literally can’t stop thinking about this woman, especially when I see her in person.

My boyfriend of 3 years still won’t sleep with me. Should I just end it?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years, and we have never gotten intimate throughout the entire time, despite me always hinting and initiating. We are both in our early 20s.

The first year of our relationship when we were apart, we would talk dirty to each other, and he would say how much he wanted to be with me when we met in person. However, every time one of us would visit the other, he would not be able to “keep it up”. He swore up and down that it wasn’t because of me. He was just nervous. Okay, that’s fine. I was understanding and told him we didn’t need to rush.

After a year, he invited me to move in with him. He seemed excited about it. I decided to go for it because I really love him. After we moved in together, we tried a few times to have PIV. Every time, he still couldn’t get it up.

He started saying it was because he was self-concious about his weight (he’s a bit bigger than me but not much). He also didn’t want to do anything else sexual because he was self-concious. So no touching each other, nothing.

This went on for about 6 months before I tried to break up with him. I said that maybe we just weren’t compatible. He FREAKED out and swore up and down that he loves me, that’d he’d work on it, he’d go to the doctor, he’d lose the weight, etc etc. I love him so much, and our relationship was good otherwise, so I believed him.

Well, we just had our 3 year anniversary, and nothing has changed. He never did any of the things he promised, and we still haven’t even slept together ONCE.

He is now refusing to go to the doctor to get checked. I feel like such an idiot. I tried to go off my birth control because what’s the point? But he acted all hurt and said he wanted me to be on it because “he’s going to lose the weight soon and then we can F.” I just don’t believe him at this point.

I miss f-ing. I want to have biological kids one day, and I don’t want to have to do IVF because he won’t sleep with me. We are basically just really good roommates who kiss, but I love him so much, and it’s hard to move on. Has anyone else been through this? Am I being delusional thinking there’s ANY chance he could come around on this?

My crazy neighbor seduced me and Post Nut Clarity saved me

My next door neighbor is very unstable. But she also happens to be pretty cute. She has been making weird advances on me for a while now as she and her man have gone their separate ways.

I have restrained myself for the most part but today I was told some hurtful things said by a former friend so I was feeling low and susceptible. When she asked to come over I said yes.

She came over and asked to use the shower so I put a towel out in the bathroom. When she was done, I walked into my room to give her a shirt to borrow and I turn around and she’s wet and has dropped the towel.

I ask her if she needs anything and she says something lewd, and proceeds to go down on me. I mention that it’s prolly not the best time for this but tbh I didn’t put up that much of a fight.

It’s been a long while since I’ve had any female attention. I ended up coming after about 5-8 min of this. I usually have no issue going several times.

Right after I came, she bends over my bed. At that moment, she looks back and I see it. I saw the crazy in her eyes. Boom: PNC

I saw a glimmer of a misbegotten future with this girl entangled in my life and I was so frightened that I immediately went to the bathroom and when I came out, I said we prolly shouldn’t F and that it was a bad idea and I apologize for wasting her time.

She says it’s the first time she’s ever been rejected by a guy when making the first move. She called me all kinds of things; immature, dumb, smart, insecure, not masculine enough, among others. It was clearly an attempt to elicit a reaction of some kind.

I asked her to leave so I could go to bed and I need to say that I regret even going this far. It was a horrible idea and a big moment of weakness.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I likely need to incorporate some discipline into my therapy. But I just needed to let this out as this has been an ongoing thing and my friends would freak out if they heard this happened.

Any advice for staying strong going forward would be excellent as I am not sure she’s done with me. But I need to be done with her.

Am I the reason for my loneliness?

It hit me today that I am the problem – close to no friends, unfulfilled at work, little to no hobbies, poor socialising skills. I can’t seem to be genuinely interested in the conversations my friends and colleagues have, which mostly revolves around their interior designer, their new BTO/resales, their partners, their weddings, their children, the latest movies or K-dramas, sh-t happening at work, sh-t happening at home, sh-t in general.

Nothing wrong with the convo topics – it just doesn’t interest me enough. I don’t even join my team members for lunch anymore. Can’t bring myself to laugh and smile when I don’t feel like it. It makes me so tired after that.

They tend to eat at pretty expensive places too (expensive to me at least, $10+) and my unresolved anxieties around spending money is not helping.

Nowadays I just stay home and cry. I cry to feel tired and groggy so I can sleep more easily at night. When I have to head back to office and I hear laughter and convos all ard me that I’m not part of (and actually have no real desire to be part of too but the fomo still hits hard) I end up quietly tearing up at my desk.

I could just walk over to their desks and slot myself into their convos but that’s really not something I want to do. They are great people tbh, just not my people.

I know this self-isolation is just going to lead to more loneliness but i just can’t seem to find people i genuinely look forward to spending time with. I just feel hollow and empty all the time.

It sucks to be neurodivergent – I want to feel connected to others and feel a sense of belonging too but why can’t I seem to find a community I can look forward to?

Have visited IMH, have tried private therapy, have reached out to my family for support but realised the problem lies within me but I don’t know how to start solving the problem.

I know I can take steps to be less lonely – join more gatherings, go to meetup.com to find clubs or groups to join, go into office more often and interact with my colleagues, stop isolating myself, stop being so frugal (but how not to be in this economy), be more open to new people and their quirks and just allow things to unfold as they do, and continue to seek therapy, etc but I’m just tired of having to try this hard (I know, I should still try nonetheless).

What if I’m just… too different and deviant to be part of any group and I never learn to be comfortable with my own solitude? Most of my friends are happily attached (I’m 27F btw) and those who are single have passions and hobbies and career goals that keeps them preoccupied.

I think a sense of connection and belongingness should come naturally, right? If I have to force myself to feel positively about the people I’m spending time with, then that’s a sign that they may not be the right fit for me isn’t it? But if I’m consistently feeling like this towards the people I meet then I must be the problem?

Ok, sorry for the long post. I’m just feeling a lot of existential loneliness right now and it hurts to wake up everyday tbh. I know there are many other lonely people looking for companionship out there (I’ve actually reached out to a few people on the friend-making threads here but nothing much happened) but it really takes more than mutual loneliness to grow and sustain friendship/human relationship.

If there’s no vibes then there’s just no vibes but it seems like I have zero vibes with everyone and I don’t know how to cultivate vibes while still preserving my identity/authenticity. I’m so envious of people who have strong support system they can fall back on, and people whose company they genuinely enjoy.

Is there still hope for someone like me?

I am a manager and a local working in a mid-big size company. My employee just handed in his letter last week and I was out interviewing fresh grads hoping that it will reduce my department’s overhead.

However, the first person that HR called to come for the interview made my blood boil.

So this fresh grad was talking about his skills and etc, but that was not what I’m looking for. I don’t care if you don’t have the skills. I want a person that has an interest to learn. It was simple as that.

However, when it came down to the part of salary negotiation I wanted to smack him straight in the face.

I said our company is paying $3,000 for his position and the interviewee said “I am looking for $5,000”.

I was shocked, I said the job ad did say that the position is only $3,000 right and I asked why he deserves so a high salary.

These were his literal words: “The reason is simple, I graduate from a local university and I am considered an elite”.

My next words were “Get out of my office, we will not contact you”. What arrogance!

Netizens’ comments

It really depends on your leverage and how savvy a negotiator you are. New grads have little to no leverage (aside from potential counteroffers) though most are given fair, standardized offers regardless.

Interns are in an even weaker position, so negotiating from that position on any offer that isn’t unreasonably low (“reasonable” would mean one that completely covers the cost of living with a bit left over) is borderline obnoxious. In most cases, an intern is literally being courted and paid to prove that they’re worth a real investment, or at least not screw up.

I’ve heard of instances where companies will retract their offer if you pitch a ridiculous amount. Unless you can back that figure up with another competitive offer, you run that risk. There are also some companies who aren’t interested in getting into bidding wars either, they may reconsider as well after a single round of negotiations.

A netizen shared a story of how his two army friends got into a fight after they were fighting over a disco girl.
One of them declares that the girl on the stage is his girlfriend and one of their friends hang flowers for that girl which resulted in a dispute.

For those that don’t know what is hang flower, it typically means hanging flowers to girls performing on the stage as a form of tipping and the girl gets a cut.

Here is the story

Two of my best army mates stop talking to each other because of a girl at a disco.

It happened last weekend, we usually spend our precious book out weekends at a club or a Thai disco, My friend “Ah Tan” got acquainted with a Thai girl and soon there were calling each other “Teeruk” which translates to darling. We had no idea if the girl was really into him or just shaking him like a money tree.

A few weeks went by and my friend Ah Tan got extra on weekends and could not book out. My other friend Daniel is also part of our “disco going gang”. Told me that we should continue to enjoy ourselves without Ah Tan.

We went to Ah Tan’s favourite disco (favourite because his “girl” is there). She recognized us and greet us after we enter, Shortly after cheering a few drinks with the girl. Daniel decided to hang flowers for the “Ah Tan’s girl”. The girl came by and asked wow you hang even more than my “Teeruk”.

By then, it was obvious Daniel was also interested in the same Thai girl. He also took the LINE ID of the girl and added her to his handphone.

It was book-in night, and Ah Tan notice that Daniel is chatting with the girl on LINE messenger.

Ah Tan snatch away his phone and read the contents, he later questions Daniel if he is his “brother”. Daniel kept quiet.

Ah Tan started shouting

“YOU SNATCH YOUR BROTHERS GIRL AND STILL HAVE THE CHEEK TO PRETEND TO BE FRIENDLY AT ME”

Ah Tan went up to Daniel and gave him a hard one to the face. Daniel retaliated and they started fighting. Lucky we were not in camp yet. I tried to stop them and managed to pull Ah Tan away.

Now they don’t talk anymore and none of them got the girl. The girl got her money I guess she won.

A netizen shared a story about how his friend took pity on a girl who gave him a massage and later asked him for money.

We all know how bad the story will end.

Here is the story:

I went with my friend to Johor 2 weeks ago for a 1-day getaway. Go in eat some Malaysian food get some drinks and a massage.

We were staying at the KSL hotel and we were looking for a massage parlour before we have our meal.

So we randomly walked into one massage unit, the place look very clean at the reception but the rooms look terribly dirty but we already agreed so we went ahead.

My friend and I were led to separate rooms by two Vietnamese ladies and we started our 1-hour massage, the massage feels like a cat making cookies. No power at all sibei rubbish.

After 30 mins or so the lady started to near my special area and I knew what was it and immediately said no.

So I end up getting touched for 1 hour without feeling good at all.

My friend came out about 5mins after me and told me it was fantastic, I bet he paid for the extra services.

We went to eat and my friend describe how much he enjoyed it and took the Wechat contact for the girl for whatever reasons.

I did not think much of it, we went to drink and the 1 day get-away was over.

But the story hasn’t ended, last week he told me he went to Johor again and said that he went to find the massage girl for a date.

I did not go as I was busy working.

Here comes the juicy part, yesterday he called me and said that he need to go to Johor again and asked me to accompany him. He sounded agitated and I asked him why.

He said that during the last weekend he gave the girl $2,000 as her mother needed money for surgery and promised my friend she will pay it back after a month. After giving her the money, the woman disappeared and blocked him on WeChat.

I was thinking in my mind, she works massage must press how many to get $2k, sure cannot one. Plus this kind of story he also believes. Even if we go back to the massage shop to look for her also got a lot of trouble.

So I told him no way I’m going there to start a dispute.

He told me that he had feelings for the girl and trusted her, This is not the first time he got cheated. He is always confused between the feeling of love and the feeling of lust.

He asked me what to do, I tell him there is nothing he can do. Maybe can consider cutting the Ku Ku bird and start thinking with the right head.

I am a foreigner living overseas. I just interviewed with one of IT companies in Singapore. Everything went well in technical interviews and final HR interview was scheduled to make an offer.

The HR asked me for expected salary and I got confused because I was unable understand her Singlish accent properly (I am sorry, I am not judging Singlish accent, I just don’t have much interaction with Singlish).

In my confusion, I said 8000 SGD and they accepted the offer happily. Now the contract is signed and I came to know from some connection that for fresh PhDs that the company offers 10,000 SGD for graduates with similar credentials.

Since the contract has been signed and they have initiated the EP visa process. What could be good options for me to consider now?

In Singapore, do we have options for negotiation during probation period? Is 8000 SGD fair salary for fresh PhD graduated of Electronics Engineering? Thank you!

Here are what netizens think:

• Got PhD, yet post this garbage. This is why qualifications like PhD are no match for common sense and experience.
• I don’t understand how u can confuse “expected salary” with anything else….So when u said $8000, u meant living expenses? So u expected $20,000 salary?It’s obvious u regret accepted the salary knowing that some others are offered 10,000… in short, u are jealous and greedy now…
• I was unable to comprehend your grammar. In my confusion, I just called your hirer to reduce your salary by 2000 SGD

• Don’t find excuses lah. Even if she has a Singlish accent, what about the contract? You signed it, isn’t it?Seemed to me that you were okay with $8k but you got to know that others can get $10k so you suddenly have a hearing and eyesight problem.
• It’s bizarre to renegotiate without proper reasons. However, there’s a catch if your EP gets rejected. You can convince the HR that the reason for rejection is likely that your salary doesn’t match people with the same kind of credentials and age (yes it’s actually a factor; go read). But if your EP does get approved, then ethically you don’t have much wiggle room with the same employer.
• I don’t think it’s a Singlish issue. How do 8 and 10 sound difficult to understand? In short, OP did not do due his/her due diligence. Suck it up, reject it or negotiate. IMO, they must really like you or feel you are really that special to let you negotiate.