I am supposed to be getting married in 2 weeks but my fiancé does not want me physically anymore

So i am engaged and madly in love. And everything is perfect. Well, except for one thing. My fiancé never wants me physically, never shows interest in me that way and when I do tells me to stop or changes the subject continuously.

Anytime I try to figure out whats wrong i’ll ask why it is they don’t want me like that anymore they just keep saying they do. But I my mind wont let me believe that anymore.

I never get compliments. They never flirt and they seem to sometimes as much as be disgusted by my showing Interest in that way. I am always turned down. And it has honestly been taking a really big toll on me mentally lately.

I feel like I am no longer good enough. Or maybe that im not beautiful to them anymore or that I have done something wrong.

And worse every time I express that and get the usual “but i do want you” i start to get mad because it feels like a lie. I am 27 and they are 30 and im lucky to get to F once every 2 months and even then they seem to feel like its a chore.

I feel really sad about it but it feels like they don’t take it seriously at all.

Netizens’ comments

1. The wedding won’t make this better.
2. Without physical compatibility, you are in real trouble, because what you want and need from a partner is something your partner is not willing to give.
   You need to have a Hard Conversation with your fiancee, ASAP. Tell them how you feel, and ask frankly whether your partner is going through something temporary or if this is just the way they are. Because if its the latter, there is nothing you can do about it but separate – they won’t (and likely can’t) change.
3. Postpone the wedding.
4. Why does everyone still believe getting married will solve their relationship issues? I mean if you can’t read the writing on the wall, then your marriage is doomed from the start.

My (f24) bf (m23) had a happy ending massage. Thinks it’s ok. 3 year relationship

So basically he went to a sleazy massage place for a massage and the girl offered him a happy ending….which he accepted. I dont think this is something he normally does. He did tell me about it but he thinks that there is nothing wrong in what he did.

He seems think that this is OK and it’s with no feelings and was just part of the massage.

Is it just me? Or is this not the case? Should I be pushing back on this or not. We’ve been together 3 years and it’s been good all around.

Is this something which should be considered relationship ending? Or am I thinking this is more than it actually is? Thanks in advance.

Netizens’ comments

1. I think you should give this relationship a happy ending tbh
2. Lol he’s openly arguing that its not cheating? He has a low opinion of you if that’s the case
3. It’s cheating and the fact that he thinks it’s okay shows that you each have very different values. Ask him if you had a similar experience with a male masseuse, would he be okay with that.
4. Unless this is something you personally think is totally fine, and had discussed it ahead of time, this is absolutely cheating.
5. It’s cheating, because you’ve been operating under the assumption (as far as I can tell) of a standard monogamous relationship. And he absolutely knew what would happen at that parlor
6. He cheated , and he cant even own up to his mistake. I would say get rid of him but thats just me. I know there will be people who will be like oh maybe you can work on it and make it blah blah well that cant happen unless he admits that he made a big mistake , which he isnt.

In JC, I was caught “beating my aeroplane” in the school library. I graduated with straight As for my Alevels but the recommendation letter from my JC was quite bad (for obvious reasons) so I got multiple rejections and ended up in NUS CS.

How long will the library incident affect my my reputation? It is already several years now, but I often overhear unkind comments and it is difficult to find groupmates who are willing to work with me on projects. It really seems quite unfair and I am considering emigrating overseas just to avoid the unfair discrimination.

Do you have any career advice for someone in my situation? I have no evidence but it feels like I am missing out on career opportunities because of this “black mark” on my record.

Here are what netizens think:

• Just focus on learning what you need to learn and don’t worry too much. While software engineering is a team sport, individual skill is critical to your career success. I suspect most people don’t know/don’t care. Most of your fears are likely only in your head. We have had people do worse things than what you did (in JC), got retained (in JC), and they are doing well in their careers today.

• You took one shot. Should have aim higher. Might be a different story today.

• How is it unfair discrimination if it was you that committed the offence?

• Do you need to show the recommendation letter when your results are straight A? Strange. Good thing I never ended up in CS. From so many post here, I kept getting this vibe that CS is a dumping ground for all kinds of bad stuffs.

• Achieve something greater such that any history becomes proportionally smaller

• Well, you would’ve been a legend if you finished even after getting caught and staring into the windows of the soul of the person catching you in the act with a slight grin.

Is it normal to feel so tired & burnt out? I feel there isn’t any work life balance in Singapore.

I’ve been working for a while now, and on my only free days – I spend almost 12 hours sleeping because I’m so tired.

On my working days, I get about 5 hours of sleep and go to work for about 11-12 hours. I work really hard.

On my free days, I really have no energy and I just want to spend my entire day in bed. I don’t even eat. If I could sleep for the entire day – I most likely would. I have no mood to do anything, I just want to sleep and be left alone.

I don’t have much of a social life, my friends are mostly busy with their own lives so nobody calls me out too.

I’ve been under so much stress that I’ve been getting pimples lmao and frequent painful headaches.

Is this just me or does anyone else feel really tired?

Netizens’ comments

1. Apart from others’ suggestion to get more sleep (ideally 7.5 hours per night), might be worth looking at how you’re planning your work day.
   For starters, 11-12 hours consistently is unsustainable. Doing so will lead to tiredness and eventually burnout, as you’ve pointed out.
   Assuming you’re working in an office job, what’s holding you back from completing your work within the set hours? Do you have focused time for work, or are multitasking hence leading to unproductively hence extended hours? If your team understaffed? Are you taking frequent breaks to reset your mind in between?
   Once you sort out your sleep & work cycles, I recommend you also look at your diet and exercise. Cliche as it sounds, you are what you eat (or not eat in your instance). Gotta fuel up healthily cause no one can run on empty.
2. It is not normal.
   -Your working hours are way longer than average.
   -Your sleeping hours are way shorter than average.
   -You are more socially isolated compared to the average person.
   It is harmful.
   -You body just needs rest and is frequently crashing on weekends.
   -The physical recovery leaves no time and strength for social interaction.
   -This leaves the brain starved of variation to routine.
   This can be fixed.
   -Cut your long working hours.
   -Get regular sleep.
   -Spend the extra free time for fun and friends. Call the friends yourself. Don’t wait.
   Good luck. Yes, you are burnt out. Hope you can take action and get better.

I can’t relate to a lot of people’s common childhood experiences. And I feel pretty left out.

Example 1 : People told me that they need to hide under the blanket to feel safe from potential “ghost” attacking. Or they won’t let their foot hang outside of the bed area or else something will pull them. I couldn’t relate cause logically if there’s ghost or monsters, why are they so immune to the blanket when they can just take it off and attack you?

Example 2 : People told me they felt panic when their mom asked to wait in line to pay while she go get something, and as the line moves pretty fast, people told me the panic is real cause their mom is not back yet to pay and it’s close to their turn at the cashier. I couldn’t relate to the panic feeling cause when my mom asked me to wait in line, and when it’s my turn, I simply just say I’m sorry and that my mom is not here yet, so I just went back in line. What is there to panic about? Obviously you can’t pay, so just go back.

And many other childhood things people typically experiences, I just couldn’t relate. Everyone seems to bond really well when they talk about it. I feel really left out.

No one ever experienced the things I do in a different way of thinking too I guess.

Here are what netizens think:

• It sounds like you would like to get in touch with your emotions. Enjoy life as it comes, the highs and the lows.

• I can’t relate to this post. Logically, if you cannot relate to others then cannot relate lor. Who asked anyway?

• You have just been logiyouve been logical and practical since young. Its commonsense. Don’t bother about others.

8 Reasons why I want to stay single

*This article may be sensitive or offensive to some people, Viewer discretion is advised*

1. I want a Mancave (pretty self explanatory) and wanting someone that likes the same things as I do (games and anime) and attractive or at least decently looking at the same time (sounds f*** up I know, looks like I am expecting so much for someone that is average looking). I like games and anime, which i will less likely have high chance to find a partner with the same hobby, even if I did, most of also have high beauty expectations of their partner.

2. I have NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), will hurt the people around me or have disagreement and conflict, especially people I stay with in the future (based on past experiences staying in rental flats with landlord)

3. I don’t see myself as a man, more rather like a guy that refuses to grow up. I don’t want to succumb to the society expectation and pressure. I have alot of questions about life and I am not bending my will against anything unless my questions get answered and I get a reason to everything that happens. I don’t want to accept the things for what they are. I know many people just accept life the way as it is and just succumb to life but that’s not what I want to live my life and this is the conviction that I have that may not align with many people out there that just want to live their lives normally and follow the crowd and go with the flow.

4. Need to impress females with dressing and styles, which means

a. I need to spent more buying more expensive clothes rather than uniqlo

b. I need to wear clothes that I don’t like just to impress people

c. I cannot wear the clothes that I like, that includes clothes that are comfy, looks cool and not suits and ties that are tight, suffocating, boring and plain.

5. I am not a sweet or smooth talker or someone that will say mushy things to impress girls, or what gen z called “Rizz”, or someone that will soften words or cushion words to make everything sound okay to flatter girls. I also have low EQ so I probably won’t be able to get out of tricky situations using wits nor outsmart high eq people.

6. I am not good looking or attractive, and I will be in competition with thousands and thousands of guys out there that are willing to put in the effort to dress up and impress people. Guys nowadays are going far to the extent of spending alot of money on membership going to the gym, protein shakes, eating chicken breast or plain food, wearing makeup, painting nails and taking care of their skin with tons of skincare products. I am not willing to go to that extend just so I can compete with those guys out there.

7. High cost of living; I am not rich and I do not want to climb the corporate ladder as I want to avoid all politics and drama at all cost. I also want to be happy go lucky person and doing what I love. I don’t want to do the things I don’t like. As a result, I will not be successful and earning more income than the rest of the guys out there that are willing to sacrifice. It doesn’t benefit me in anyway to get a partner other than buying a house.

8. *DEAL BREAKER* I have very bad experience with women, almost like PTSD from my encounter with my landlord (my friend’s mum ) and also my friend herself. Basically I rented a room with them and there are alot of horror stories of her being calculative and trying to restrict my freedom and putting fear onto me, few times invading my privacy by going into my room and claiming that I stole her stuff when it’s just very small things like clothes peg and rags. She also extorted me to pay her the full price of the WiFi upgrade even though I only used it for few months and I paid for it but she demanded me to pay the remaining even when I moved out, putting the blame onto me saying that it’s because of me that they upgraded the WiFi, even though they are also benefiting from the WiFi. She also uses society standards and expectation to put pressure on me and wanting to conform me into the typical person that fits into social norm.She brings me out for meals on the pretense of wanting to use it show that kindness to me and then using it to control me and gaslight me into being a obedient person to them, says that they helped me alot and I am being ungrateful. They expect alot in return for the kindness they shown me when i didn’t even ask it in the first place. She also constantly harass me during working hours by spam WhatsApp or email me and demanding I reply her email immediately, if not she will threaten to chase me out. She also did not give me any tenancy agreement and then even when she did she says she doesn’t want to give me because she wants to protect herself. Overall she is a very overbearing and calculative person and uses all kinds of methods and tricks to gaslight me in making me the most evil person that trying to ruin their lives when I am just trying to live my own life in peace without disturbance. She gave me so much emotional and mental damage to the point where I need to seek a counsellor for therapy.

I also rmb during my primary sch, a female classmate also extorts me money because I accidentally broke her pencil or pencil case I forgotten but something alone the line, she say if I don’t give her money she will inform the teacher and her parents, at that time my mum wasn’t around alr and there is no one I could seek help or advice from, I also don’t know what to do and for fear she will report on me, I kept taking money from my grandma to pay her just so she won’t report me. At that time I didn’t even know I was being extorted.

Basically, it’s just one vicious cycle after another just to catch up with another vicious cycle IMO. E.g needing to climb corporate ladder to have more earning power so that I can dress better, be more attractive and impress others. It’s just one thing that leads to the other.

In summary, I’m a f*** up average person that is boring and nerdy af that likes attractive women but doesn’t want to give a slightest damn effort to dress up and impress others but yet at the same time wanting to get everything. Which is absolutely impossible and I know it myself. So I just gonna stay single for the rest of my life and just live my life my own in peace while letting the rest of the world fighting among themselves.

OR

If I can really find a nerdy girl that likes anime and games and yet attractive at the same time, that also happens to like me at the same time(virtually nearly impossible, chances of it is 0.06% gacha rate or God blesses)