Hi, im a guy who graduated 3-4 years ago and im really looking for some career advice here and hopefully someone could chime in on working in the public sector. Would really appreciate the advice and if you are too shy maybe could you reply in another confession post. I got a job offer but i am wondering whether to take it, here are my considerarions. Hope you guys could list down any other things to think about! Which would you take? What questions would you ask job B? If you resigned from job A how do you tell the boss why you want to quit?

Myself:

-Engineering degree

-FCH grades and had scholarship from uni

-Good at writing and presenting

-Good at numbers but prefers talking to others

-Singaporean guy

Job A:

-Been here 3 years since i graduated

-Large global MNC, huge international projects, opportunities for overseas assignments to offices in every continent

-Very good networking, smart colleagues, international office very few singaporeans

-Heavy workload but decent work life balance, good medical coverage and dental, fun office perks, parties and sports ccas like badminton/soccer. Nice colleagues,good friendships. Flexible hours, dont need MC if sick, can take leave quite easily, just finish your work dont need to turn up on time. Paid overtime (sometimes)

– Minimal office politics, not being micromanaged (means i need to take initiative for everything)

-Good learning for technical skills

-Low start pay below market below market avg, unlikely to improve as company is looking to outsource work to lower cost offices (vietnam/jakarta), annual increments about 5%. 8% considered very good. Negligible increment despite promotions. After 6 years people typically dont cross $5.5k even with a masters degree from NUS/NTU. Freshers who join Job B sometimes make more than me despite my experience.

– Senior management not making financial savvy business decisions, too focused on brand image, CSR, and internal networking. Spending money on perks instead of salaries

-High turnover amongst Singaporeans due to low pay, hence the company hires mid to senior staff from overseas. They are good workers and a lot less picky about pay, making it hard for me to ask for more money.

-Boss thinks highly of me, but unlikely that translates to significantly higher compensation due to company policy

Job B

– Government job in a stat board

– 20~30% increment from current role. (i need $ to buy a resale hdb, cannot wait for bto alr)

– Stability and protection from foreign competition as work cannot be outsourced

– Heard rumours about public sector having too much red tape, is this true?

– Afraid of not learning any new skills and being unable to switch out of public service if i dont like it. Afraid of being a paper pusher until i retire

– no opportunity for overseas posting. Ive always dreamed about working or living overseas for awhile, even for a short while. Just for exposure.Maybe it is a dream worth giving up on? Or there are other avenues?

– im not on the “gov scholar track” although i have decent grades and CCA records. Will i be discriminated against? Not that i think that good grades always translate to good work output but since i have the grades i hope to use it to increase my pay/CEP?

– what is the annual increment? Does it beat inflation?

– what if i stay at job A and jump to job B later in my career? Will that give me more pay?

How many of you lost your relationship because of your friends?

Sometimes when our relationship are down in the doldrums, we really need a place to rant and let go of our frustrations. Sometimes we might even have second thoughts about the relationship and feels like breaking up or letting the past affect us and our negativity.

Do you think it’s helpful then for our friends to be encouraging us to breakup? But do they know the hurt that I’ve to go through afterwards? And I have to bear them all alone.. I don’t know whether it’s the right move anymore.

Sisters

I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for eight years now. We’ve been through a lot together, and I’ve grown to love her and her family. But her sisters have been a huge source of frustration for us over the years, and I often feel like they are the number 1 sabotager of our relationship and marriage.

It’s not that her sisters are mean or anything like that. They mean well, but they often give ill-advised advice that puts ideas into my girlfriend’s head which often lead to arguments between us. And it’s not just us, I’ve heard from other couples about how their sisters have caused major problems in their relationships as well.

It starts innocently enough. Her sisters will often give her advice on how to handle a situation or give her advice on what she should do in relationships. They’ve even gone as far as to tell her what type of men she should be with and what kind of things she should do to make her happy.

Unfortunately, this advice often goes against what I think is best for our relationship. So when she takes their advice, it can end up causing a lot of tension in the relationship. And it’s not just between me and my girlfriend, it can also affect our whole family.

For instance, my girlfriend’s sisters have suggested that she move out of our house because they think it’s not a good relationship. This caused a huge argument between us and it put a strain on our relationship. It also caused a lot of stress within our family because her sisters felt like they were being left out.

My girlfriend’s sisters also put a lot of pressure on her to get married. Every time we talk about marriage, they come up with all these reasons why we should hurry up and get married. They make it sound like it’s a matter of life and death and they even talk about what kind of wedding we should have and how much money we should spend.

It’s frustrating because I know my girlfriend loves her sisters and she wants to please them, but at the same time, I feel like they are sabotaging our relationship. I want to tell my girlfriend how I feel, but I don’t want to hurt her feelings or make her choose between us.

At the end of the day, I know the most important thing is that my girlfriend and I have a strong relationship and that we are happy together. But it’s hard to do that when her sisters are always interfering and giving her advice that doesn’t really help the situation.

When you break up with your rich gf to be with a pretty one and it ended up ruining your life.

My first gf was in nus. She comes from a rich family. I know exactly the type of guy she like so I became exactly that to get her. It was great when we’re dating. She would surprise me with dates of staycations, fancy restaurants, movie nights. I would offer to pay but she would decline as she knows I’m still giving part time tuition to supplement my allowance as I’m also studying.

Tbh I’m not that into her but I kept it going as I really enjoyed the company and the lifestyle. I come from a humble background but have always aspired to make it big when I graduate.

Then this new girl entered my life. She’s the hottest girl I’ve ever met irl. She also happen to be newly single and all the guys were swooning and wanting to get her attention. I was lucky enough to have common friends with her and got introduced.

Fate was on my side, my old gf had an argument with me and I used the chance to break up with her. I did my best to make it seem that it was coincidental. When I couldn’t wait any longer I openly pursued the new girl.

I admit I was aggressive in chasing her as I knew she had other suitors. Things didn’t work out as well as I thought once we are officially together.

We argued everyday. It was mostly because I suspect she was still talking to other guys. I can’t help myself and would get angry when she has other guys around her when in school. Why can’t she just hang out with the girls?! I hate her best guy friend who’s known her since she was in secondary school. Why must they still keep in contact? Aren’t I enough?

I bought a diamond ring for her to wear which she did but I still think it’s not enough. We still argue everyday. I’m so bloody angry with her. Why can’t she just not give me reasons to doubt her?!

I made so many arrangements with her. Set up bank account together with her. We leave personal belongings in each other’s place. I mostly want her to leave her things at my place because it’s easier for her to stay over at my place as her family are not nice.

I have lost count the number of times we argue, break up, I buy flowers to win her back. I admit I let my insecurity get the better of me sometimes. But it’s her fault. She’s too pretty and she did nothing to assure me that she won’t cheat on me.

When she started her internship I knew she would stray one day and I was right. I caught her walking with a male colleague out of the office building. When I confronted her she told him to quickly leave. If they were platonic, why won’t she introduce me?! She said I’m embarrassing her. I snatched her phone and left and she didn’t even chase after me. Isn’t this a sign of guilt?

She said its over so many times until I don’t believe her anymore. I always am able to coax her back to me. But not anymore after this. I suspect she’s seeing someone who works with her. That is the only explanation.

I destroyed everything of hers that she left at my place and she closed out the bank account that we shared and dared to tell me she was the only one putting money in so the money is all hers. What about the amount of money I spent on her?! That diamond ring isn’t cheap! She had the cheek to change her numbers and even got her family to hang up on me. I made sure she remember everything that happened is her fault. She ruined me. I will never forgive her!

Pretty girls are over rated. She doesn’t even have much money and yet acted like I’m the money greedy one. Wait till I earn 100k per annum, I’m sure she will regret leaving me!

You and your partner are surface-level compatible. You both have a similar sense of humour, like to hang out at similar places, similar interests/music taste etc. It is easy conversing about daily life with your partner, and you both are comfortable with silence together.

However, you know deep inside, you are not completely compatible. Your emotional levels are very different. You often feel alone when you have plenty of things to say/express, because you know your partner will not understand/is not able to feel the same way. Your partner is just unable to feel as strongly as you do, and you know you can never get your partner to express anything strongly, basically you feel stuck in a lukewarm relationship. Your partner can understand the situation, but they do not feel the intensity of it.

This lack of emotion from your partner also affects their general drive in life. As they are unable to feel for anything that strongly, they do not feel motivated to want more in life. Just the bare minimum is okay, e.g having a job is enough to live. Does not care about fitness, does not have any personal hobbies (other than scroll tiktok and watch Netflix), y’all get the gist. Your partner just does not have the emotional capacity to feel that much. They are able to feel sad, happy, excited, anger etc. But they are never VERY sad, VERY happy, VERY excited, nor VERY angry.

I believe what drives motivation and ambition, is the intensity of emotion itself. This is when the ability to detach yourself from outcomes too easily, actually backfires on you.

As compared to your partner, you are passionate about issues and topics, and you are able to take a stand and have opinions. You are able to want something so badly, and plan a way to get there because you feel the desire to have it. Your partner sometimes thinks you’re “overreacting” and that you “do too much”, “chill.” Because they would not do the same. Because they always take the neutral stance on topics, and genuinely feel neutral about it. I believe it is okay to feel neutral about things, but being neutral about everything does not actually mesh well with someone that likes to debate.

Your friends are okay with your partner, only because she/he is “nice and chill”, and that it is obvious they genuinely want to be with you and treats your relationship seriously (does not talk to anyone else, allocates time to spend with you despite being busy etc. generally a good partner)

There is nothing wrong with your partner’s personality. You just know that deep inside, “chill” is not what you really want. This personality of theirs might be someone else’s dream.

You have voiced out this concern before, and your partner thinks that it’s “normal” for couples to have differences. They do not find it a strong enough reason to break up.

Asking all of you now, is this a valid cause for break up? You are about to celebrate your 2nd year anniversary too. been contemplating it for the longest time but genuinely don’t know if my idea of a relationship is too idealistic, or there really is a problem…

My dad is a business owner, self made man. Growing up, he raised my younger sister and I to be capable and independent. My dad absolutely detest “useless” (acc to him) people and this translated into our upbringing. He has been scarred by useless children of his rich business associates. Long story short, only 2 points are applicable to this story.

1. He will cut us off financially when we turn 21.

We can still stay at home rent free, but nothing else. We don’t have to give parents monthly allowance coz acc to him, the amount is peanuts and he would rather we use it to be independent. If we retain and did not graduate uni by 21, too bad, we will have to pay the remaining school fees on our own.

2. If we are not 100% independent by 30, he will write us out of the will.

Independent means having our own home (rented or bought doesn’t matter) and having enough money to feed ourselves.

As a results, I worked by butt off growing up, I chose not to go to uni to work earlier and ended up studying part time for my degree. I studied a course that I did not like, but it’s practical. I bto-ed with my husband and now, before 30, we have our own house, kid and pretty good life. I sacrificed, did what was smart rather than what I liked, during my early 20s while my friends were enjoying “uni life”.

My younger sister will be graduating uni this year (graduated actually). She chose her course based on “passion” and now have difficulties finding a job. She enjoyed her uni life a bit too much and took on a study loan when she turned 21, and delayed her graduation a few times. Therefore, now she has no money, in debt and no job. There’s no way she will be able to fulfil the independence criteria by the age of 30.

She went back to ask dad for financial help. Dad refused at first and then said he can help only if I approve, as I followed the rules. Changing the rules halfway will be an insult to the hard work and sacrifices I made.

Should I give my approval?

PS, I decided against it. People need to know the consequences of their actions, especially if this has been discussed since birth.

For me, friendship is based on mutual trust and respect. I used to treat her as a very very special good friend, and also including getting her along for most of my social outings, getting to know key ppl, but over times and again, many times there were inconsistencies, betrayals and most importantly joining different groups, getting close to ppl and then gossip and form sub groups.

These actions I have seen for myself including with our common group had caused rifts and underlying negativism. If can do it to others, I am just very cautious and worry to become the next target.

I feel that even when we used to be so close and she was unprovoked, she could make personal gossips just like that, makes me scared for myself, my reputation, my work, my loved ones. She also goes after my very close friends now which I intro to her. So I really scare for myself and don’t want to say anything till now as I scare target me

Also yesterday in our common group, she had stated she keen to join an event, organised by a friend in the group, also her close friend. I was surprised then end up she came for another event yesterday, this not being very upfront and fair to ppl. Just one very recent example amongst many.

To me biggest concern is gossiping about close friends, sometimes using a fact, but putting it in a different context, and using the sympathy card. And then get very close to ppl in each group she join, text them a lot, finding out activities through pics and social media, ask to join in, and then gradually onwards to share gossip about others behind back, yet after that can act all close and happy to the person. after sometime ask buy friend business venture things. Very consistently like that. She also told me v recently she having vip access with the group I into her to.

So I tried but at this point I no longer find it possible to maintain such a friendship. Spoken Words is one thing but repeated actions like that speaks a lot.

As we are in common social groups, and alumni, doing shared common activities and having close common friends, How do I deal with this?

The fake receptionist trick

I am all sure you have heard the of receptionist trick/story .

Man walks in for an Interview, treats the receptionist like crap and it turns out the receptionist was the interviewing manager.

Anywhoo, I thought this was a myth /fake story until I experienced it.

Walked into for an interview for a relatively senior role.i was fine with receptionist. I’m always polite with them but the only thing I thought slightly odd was they asked me if I was nervous for the interview.

Not overally odd just thought it was a bit personal. I gave them a fairly shallow response, dismissed her and sat down.

I waited for about 10 minutes in the waiting room with the receptionist there until she led me to the room and surprise she was the interviewing manager.

I was so thrown , like why would she sit in the room with me for 10 minutes saying nothing. Anyway I was autopilot while she spoke about the family culture as I gathered my thoughts . I just did not feel right until eventually I landed on my issue.

So I tried to diplomatically ask what the purpose of the receptionist act was? She gave the canned response on “right fit, do you treat people with respect bla bla”

I said, but it goes both ways. She just misrepresented herself to entrape me. She created a situation to try catch me out.

Maybe I would be rude because I was nervous and distracted. Does she do that to current employees. AGAIN, SHE SAT IN THE RECEPTION ROOM WITH ME FOR 10 MUNITES WITHOUT SAYING A WORD. What was she looking for?

Anyway, interview went south after that and we agreed I was not a good fit.

Was I wrong in how I read this?

My Fiance bought me a cheap ring.

Now, from the title, yes, my engaged ring is a walmart ring that costs $50. He proposed to me on our 4 year anniversary, and I said yes, we had a wonderful night. It’s a big ring with lots of small “diamonds” and a big fat one in the middle.

We planned on marrying for our 6 year anniversary which is a month away, because we haven’t lived together and wanted to wait 2 years. I found out my engaged ring is cheap walmart ring just a few months ago, which made me really happy.

I’m the type of woman who doesn’t want someone to spend half their salary on me for a ring. I’m gonna go lower and try to buy his ring for 10 dollars.

I can’t wait to see his reaction

Netizens’ comments

1. This took a nice turn
   I wanted a “cheap”ish ring, but eventually my (now) husband and I sort of caved to the pressure of convention and got a real Diamond. We were both ok with it. I kinda wanted an aquamarine instead, and sometimes I wish I had just had the unconventional wedding I had dreamed of
2. I’m happy to hear you are not upset about such a trivial thing. I wish more people were like that and didn’t expect some fancy expensive ring, it’s ridiculous.
   My only thing is I wouldn’t really go the route of trying to go even cheaper than he did just because he bought a cheap ring. That could be interpreted different ways and he may not take kindly to that. It could come across as an insult, not because you bought him a cheap ring, rather you went out of your way to buy one that was even cheaper.
   I don’t know y’all though so perhaps it will be an amusing memory. Either way, congrats and wish y’all the best!
3. My husband and I didn’t even exchange rings, we just decided we wanted to be together forever, eloped, had chinese buffet and had our first dance on the beach, just me and him.
   My brother and his wife had a big 20k+ wedding, everyone has a different style!
4. My husband bought me a candy ring lollipop.

Long term live in boyfriend only wants me when he’s drunk

My (25f) long term live in boyfriend (26m) and I only ever have intercourse when he’s drunk. He doesn’t initiate any physical contact or affection EVER when he is sober – not even a hand hold or a cuddle or a kiss on the cheek.

When he’s had a skinful however he decides that then is the time to try and ask me to F.

Whats worse is I always agree even when I don’t want to cause it’s the only time we ever get any physical intimacy

My self worth is in the gutter – am I that awful that he has to be drunk to want to touch me?

And I know people are going to come for me like “do you ever initiate?”, and the honest answer is no, I don’t. But why would I want to f him when he doesn’t even want to hold my hand or give me a hug when he’s sober.

Any advice or stories from people who have experienced similar would be greatly appreciated

Netizens’ comments

1. Refusing to initiate affection tends to lead to your partner doing the same. It’s unhealthy on top of unhealthy. Talk to him about it without accusation if you can. If he blows you off, kick him out and move on or live with it. If he doesn’t, maybe you can resolve it.
2. The other question is, did you discuss it with him when sober?
   Maybe he has some sort of mental block when sober that he can only « overcome » when alcohol lowers his inhibition. For all we know, maybe he built his own doom and gloom scenario in his head, where he assumes you aren’t attracted to him since you never initiate. Or could be a mental block coming from being raised in an affection negative family.
   Or it could be something else entirely, only he knows.
3. Doesn’t sound like either of you are mature enough to be in a relationship. Not with each other at least.

Women what do you really think about when masturbating?

My wife claims her mind is totally blank. I find this hard to believe, but maybe women’s minds really are wired differently

I feel it is difficult to have a blank mind, especially while doing that. Wondering if she is serious or just ashamed to say what she is thinking about.

I’m a very easy going person too, so I feel that she realizes if she were to admit she was thinking of other guys or crazy situations that I’d understand it doesn’t mean anything in real life.

Basically I feel that if she is lying it is not because she is afraid of my reaction. I feel she’d be lying because she feels ashamed or something.

Or is she possibly really doing that with a blank mind?

Netizens’ comments

1. Sometimes I focus and concentrate on what I’m feeling and do what I need to do to get myself there. Sometimes I let my imagination run wild and go off a certain scenario I’m making up as I go along or think of something I’ve enjoyed in the past. It depends on the day and the vibe lol
2. Blankly think on how good it feels…then drift to the grocery list and then remind yourself to concentrate… think about how good it feels… drift off on thinking how I need to clean this bathroom… okay okay concentrate….
3. When I play with myself, I think about the look on my partner’s face when we f-ed in the past. Whether it’s from f-ing in front of a mirror or looking behind me and seeing them plow me, it’s all the best visual that I need to get off. I just remember my favorite encounters
4. I close my eyes and focus on sensation. I’m not fantasizing about anything just feeling everything.