My (24F) boyfriend (29M) refuses to call me beautiful.

We’ve been together for 5 years, and I can count on one hand the number of times he’s called me beautiful/gorgeous.

Those times were only when I asked him to do so. When I’ve asked him directly why he never calls me beautiful or anything similar, he tells me that I sometimes look pretty when I have makeup on, but he otherwise just hedges and changes the subject.

When I’ve broken down and asked him to tell my I’m beautiful, he does almost anything to avoid saying it and has even walked away.

The only time he lets any real attraction be known is when he wants to be intimate, and comments are only on my body, not my face. I’ve talked to him several times about how this hurts my feelings and self esteem, but he only says he is sorry he hurt my feelings. He has even said “I just don’t want to” tell me I’m pretty.

I don’t think he intends to be hurtful. I even think he is just being honest, which is the worst part.

Is this a dynamic I should just accept? Is this a problem worth giving me pause in our relationship?

TLDR: Boyfriend outright refuses to tell me I’m beautiful.

Netizens’ comments

1. I think it is safe to say he’s not going to change this after 5 years.
2. My now husband didn’t immediately start telling me that I was beautiful, but once we were definitely committed he started, and still does, tell me that I’m the most beautiful in the world TO HIM and I believe him. I’m not stereotypically gorgeous, but when you really love someone for who they are, that doesn’t matter anymore. It shouldn’t take 5 years, and this is either really manipulative of him, or really telling of his true feelings
3. I used to date a guy who straight up said he wasn’t going to tell me I’m pretty/ beautiful just because. He hated giving me words of affirmation and even hated holding hands and small intimate touches I would give him on the shoulder (he would literally cringe).
   Now I’m married to a guy who tells me every day that I’m beautiful and he loves me. Life is so much more enjoyable when you’re with a partner who meets your needs.
   Do not stay with this guy if he’s not meeting you at your level. You deserve to be with someone who at least tries to make you happy in ways you’ve communicated that you need.
4. I had a bf who told me kissing me before going to work and when he comes home is too much work.
   I ended it. Know your worth.

Ex-Colleague joining the same company

Recently changed my job only to realise that my toxic ex-colleague is likely to accept an offer in my current workplace.

In the previous workplace, she tend to comment a lot on people’s performances and put other people down just so that she can shine.

She also likes to convey to the other team mates on how the bosses above have negative impression on them just so to create a rift between the two parties. (I was on the receiving end of this and honestly it felt sucky).

What I could not stand about her is how she would loosely share negative information about ex-team mates to other present team mates. (E.g xxx used to have a girlfriend even when he is already married) It’s like I don’t even need to know the individual to know all the ugly sides of him.

Knowing that she is likely to join my current workplace gives me anxiety that she would spread stuff about me to other people (not that I have anything bad for her to spread about).

We would be in the same department and most likely different teams. How would you deal in such a situation?

Netizens’ comments

1. I’ve been in this situation before except my toxic ex colleague was there before me and I didn’t know until I was about to start work.
   It’s great that you’re different team. Hopefully interactions will be minimal. People have eyes to see what kind of person she is. I was very afraid of my toxic ex colleague spreading rumours about me too. Turns out she has a reputation in this co too. So don’t worry too much. People know how to judge for themselves
2. Just ignore her and avoid interaction as far as possible. Anyway such toxic behaviour takes time and familiarity to manifest – given that she’s going to be new, I’d say yon don’t have much to worry about in the short term. Just do your work and don’t let people like that affect you and live rent free in your head.
3. She’s doing this coz she felt threaten by other people, people who she think have the potential to crush and outshine her. So just focus on your tasks and ignore her at best. People have their own eyes and brain to judge.
4. i had a colleague exactly like this. thats what happens when they only have 1 brain cell left to rub against itself
5. Do unto her whatever she has been doing to you. Sometimes that’s the only thing that works if ignoring doesn’t work.

Can property agents do this legally?

Been hearing that in newly TOP-ed developments, there are property agents hanging around in the carparks and slinking into the compound when owners go in.

These agents will loiter in common areas of the property and approach various people asking if they are owners.

Some will even access buildings and knock on people’s homes minutes after they entered their homes for the first time, possibly asking if the owner is keen to sell.

Quite disturbing behaviours and a massive breach of security.

Is this not considered trespassing? Illegal? Why are security doing nothing for this? Apparently this is not just in one development

Sorry I wasn’t clear. This is private condo.

Netizens’ comments

1. Heard of cases where owners collect their keys for first time and agents knocking on their door 15 minutes later asking if they are planning or selling or renting. It’s very obvious which unit have collect their keys cause the handle wrapping would be torn off.
   In such cases, 2 likely scenario: either the agent also bought an investment unit and also owner and taking chance to promote their services to neighbors, or they already marketing one unit in the development and taking the chance to solicit business.
   In general, this is not allowed but also cut the security guard some slack if it’s a newly TOP. Lots of chaos for first few days/couple of weeks with all the key collection, defects ratifications and the guards are understaffed. When things settle down, and this still happens, report it to MCST (you are likely not the only one feeling this)
2. supposed to wear and display their CEA card when carrying out estate work. say you’re interested to sell, ask them to show you their card then take photo and send complaint into CEA. should get disciplinary action.
   dont display card, not visiting, not owner, just straight up dial 999
3. You can report them to security and/or complain to developer.
   I own a newly TOP unit and the security at my place is quite strict because they have orders from the developer. That said a lot of agents still come in somehow (eg with a legitimate client) then stay inside indefinitely …
4. Not wrong if it’s a HDB. The practice has been around for awhile.
   I have had Insurance agents, MLM and even missionaries knocking on my doors before. My mum even bought a 5k vacuum from a door knock salesman lol.
5. Because they are benign opportunistic.
   Worse case get chased out, then plenty of new developments to go to.
   Best case scenario, they gain access to one person on the floor and spread his influence to others.
   Every new development now has a different mix of agendas, in the 90s perhaps there is lesser landlord mindset than today.

Got blood on my boyfriend

Today I hung out with my boyfriend for a few hours this afternoon. During this time, one thing led to another and fingering was involved.

This went on and off for about 30 minutes, taking breaks every now and then. I don’t want to go too far into detail, but right before i leave i notice dried blood on his fingers.

I immediately knew it was from me. I had no idea this would happen, and I’m now super embarrassed.

As soon as i got back I messaged him saying i started my period and he says he got my blood on his fingers. I apologized and he reassured me this was okay, but i feel absolutely embarrassed and I’m currently on the verge of tears.

I feel so gross & like he is going to leave me. I hate my life, should I feel embarrassed or let it go?

Netizens’ comments

1. If he said don’t worry about then don’t worry about it. Men worth having won’t care. It’s not that big of a deal
2. Girl you are totally fine!!
   Accidents happen and a little blood is not a big deal. He obviously isn’t bothered as he told you it’s okay – and if he did make a huge fuss about it, then honestly he’s a tool and you shouldn’t be with someone who makes you ashamed of your body. His reaction was on point – it’s nothing to be upset over.
   I literally accidentally bled on my fwb earlier this week bc I thought my period was over and it wasn’t. I’ve only known this guy for a month. He was super chill about it and then we moved on. Nothing worth fretting over.
3. This is normal and he’s amazing for being understanding Never apologize for biology. Your have no control over this. Life happens. Live it. Be proud of that fact that you have periods. Means everything is working as it should be. You go girl!!!
4. Meh,it happens. Honestly if his reaction was anything less, it wouldn’t be a good sign. Can’t speak for all guys, but I reckon he would just be thinking jeez I got to finger my gf today. And the blood on the finger won’t even come across his mind. 

My (25F) boyfriend (27M) doesn’t want to go on dates because we’ve already won each other over.

My boyfriend and i have been together for 2 years now and live together.

Before we got together we would go on dates at least once a week or more, we just instantly clicked and just wanted to see each other all the time, it was sweet.

When we did become official, those dates became once every few weeks which i didn’t mind because life does get in the way and we still doted on each other.

But now, two years into the relationship theres none of that. I still dote on him like the very start of the relationship but all i get is the occasional kiss and him checking on me.

When i do ask if he wants to go on a date he says that theres no point because we’ve already won each other over and theres no need to impress each other anymore and we see each other all the time since we live together.

But all we do is work or sit at home whilst he plays video games and i do whatever to combat boredom.

Am i asking too much? Is it wrong to still want to go on dates?

Am i being too needy and should just leave it?

I don’t know it just makes me sad that we’re not like how we used to be.

Netizens’ comments

1. Going on dates isn’t about impressing the other person – it is about having experiences as a couple. I can’t even imagine being in a relationship where we never go out and do things together.
   How boring. We love trying out new restaurants, taking road trips to new places to walk around and explore, finding fun festivals, etc. These shared experiences bring us closer together.
   You deserve better, and this is not normal. His dream relationship may be one where he just gets to play video games all the time, but yours isn’t, and he’s ignoring your needs.
   If he isn’t open to taking your needs into consideration and finding a happy medium, then you should seriously consider if this is what you want to spend the rest of your life putting up with.
2. Love is like a plant, if it is not watered, it dies. The same applies with love, if there are no dates, there is no time as a couple, details or talk, the relationship begins to die, you are not asking for anything from heaven, just have dates from time to time and that is fine
3. Tell him that he hasn’t won you over and that he’s losing you. Let him know that it is a big deal to you

My boyfriend told me “that’s life” when I informed him that my grandma’s dying and I won’t get to say goodbye
I live overseas and far from my family, and I recently found out that my grandma is in the hospital.

Today I was updated and found out that she developed pneumonia and was put into an induced coma. Her condition is critical, and it seems unlikely that she’ll make it.

I haven’t seen her for two years, because I’m studying overseas and don’t have enough money to visit frequently, so I won’t be able to see her.

What hurts the most is that I wanted to call her, but I didn’t get the chance to before the coma, so if she dies, I don’t know how I could forgive myself for not saying goodbye and telling her how much I love her.

As I’m telling my boyfriend this, he was coming down from having a great day. Rather than comfort me, he tells me “that’s life”.

He’s never lost a loved one, so he can’t relate. I’ve lost my dad, aunts, cousin… So I understand full well “that’s life.”

I become obviously more upset at this, and he just walks away.

I’m so frustrated and sad, and I feel so alone in this.

Netizens’ comments

1. Is there someone with her? Call them and have then hold the phone to her ear. Talk to her and tell her what she means to you. I believe she will hear you.
2. That’s hard, but if you are hurting from this situation, then I’m willing to bet you’ve shared some happy memories with your grandma. A final goodbye may have been nice but you’ve brightened her life already.
3. ((HUGS)) Make the call anyway and have someone hold the phone to her ear.
4. That lack of empathy, disregard towards your feelings, and disrespect to your family should be seen as a DANGEROUS RED FLAG! Run girl, run.

I used to use my nephew and niece to get laid when they was younger by claiming they were my kids and I was a widower

I used to take my nephew and niece when they was young kids (ages 6 to 12) everywhere with me to the park and out to eat just so girls would notice me a single guy with cute kids.

I would claim I was a widower raising my two kids alone and I got laid many many times esp girls in their early 20s who thought I was such a sweet guy. I was aged roughly 27 to 31 when I did those things.

I got married at 31 and stopped an it’s been a few years now but I still feel guilty for those things.

Netizens’ comments

1. My uncle used to do this. My parents split when I was about 6 months old. My mom was in school during the day, so my 2 uncles would watch me (moms brother and moms sisters bf).
   Uncle E worked 2nd shift. Uncle T worked 3rd shift. Uncle E would take me with him shopping literally just to meet women.
   Women would comment about how cute I was, he would give them some sob story about how my “mother” abandoned us. He would end up with the phone numbers of so many single women.
   It was his “ho phase” cus he had just gotten out of s bad relationship, so all the dates he went on were literally just hookups, but bottom line is, his stupid ploy worked DOZENS of times.
2. And it actually worked? I have four nephews when they were little we spent a lot time together but never got laid, but I did have a weird encounter with a couple good looking ladies, my sister in-law back then is with three of the nephews we’re in a fast food place and this two ladies walked in with their kids and were flirting with me..
3. Anyone has any kids that I can borrow?