I have just graduated from university and I am already missing it so much. The working world is nothing like university life.

Everyone knows that I love orientation camps. I have always been an OG since secondary school. And when I heard that the company was conducting an orientation for my first day of work, oh boy, was I excited!

On my first day of work, I showed up in my oversized class t shirt and shorts and brought my sleeping bag. I was aghast to see everyone in formal wear. I am like, “you guys will be in such a rude surprise when we do water activities.”

Then, this lady showed up and asked for my name. I said, “Ah, you must be our OG.” She said, “no, I’m Linda from HR.”

And then when we were all gathered, I was really disheartened that we just introduced our names and the departments we were going to be working in.

I mean, where were the blow wind blow and 2 truths and 1 lie icebreaker games? Where were the forfeits? This was a very lacklustre work from Linda as an OG.

Linda showed me to my desk. She just gave it to me. It really pissed me off. I am like, “What? No cheer? In my time, we had to cheer for every single thing even for our food. How can you give me anything without using cheer as a form of currency!?” She said something about this is being a corporate company or whatever.

I was really excited for the day to the end. And yet again, I was disappointed. Everyone just packed up their stuff and left at 6pm. We didn’t stay over. Then, how else can we bond if we don’t bring our sleeping bags and sleep along the corridors of our office!?

So, I resigned, I couldn’t take this life anymore. If anyone knows a full time paying job as an OG, please email me

I have this girlfriend clique from long ago. We’ve been together for more than a decade already. I sincerely missed those days when all of us were still single ladies, where we would often arrange meetups for dinner and would treasure each others company.

Now the problem comes when over the years, with each girlfriend finally finding a partner, I realised that all their attitude started to change. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not jealous or anything, in fact I am truly happy for my friends who finally found a soulmate. From the bottom of my heart. Really.

But what truly irks me is that the ones who are attached starts to slowly drift away from the clique, and often doing things that neglect the feelings of their girlfriends.

Eg the clique has forever been planning to go for a short trip; to batam lets say, cos we havent had a chance to do so since we’ve been together. Then this one girlfriend can say “huh no $”, only to fly off to Japan with her boyfriend couple of months later.

Then, there’s this other girlfriend. Before any of us dated, the clique has never emphasized so much on budget whenever we meet for dinner and to celebrate each others birthday. We just eat whatever we wanted to, cos what’s most important were the company we had back then.

Now, whenever we do plan a dinner date/mini birthday celebration, people be like “budget please”. Whats worse, when you see their insta story and they be like dining like queens with their boyfriends every other day (or sometimes every day).

When its the clique’s turn to meet up once every 2/3 months, it becomes a budgeted affair. So now what, your decade long girlfriends become your budgeted friends already lah.

Can eat good food with boyfriend all the time, but girlfriends not worth the time and penny to eat good food with?? Plus, we always plan a month or two ahead the birthday or dinner date, and people always gives excuses of being busy and all, it’s so darn hard to fix a date that everyone can make it.

And then, every night (i swear) after work she’s having dinner with her boyfriend -.- as seen from her insta story. THIS i cannot understand.

To fellow girls, is this common in girl cliques or is it just mine. Why the need for double-standard, is it that difficult to prioritize both clique and boyfriend without upsetting either parties?

Or is it that a decade long friendship means nothing to them anymore once they had a partner. Ain’t it like like burning bridges with friends who truly stood by their side since the beginning, long before that boyfriend of theirs existed???

To that, I always feel very sad and disappointed with these girlfriends. Is it right for me to go tell them out about their behaviour??

Anyone still meet up with ex-school friends?

At first, such meet-ups are nothing more than for comparisons of how one another are doing (maybe unintentional) under the pretext of ‘catch-up’.

It was good to know where one is standing relative to others. Then until a point, most people bo-chup and no one bothers for such sessions anymore.

Likely cos it seems like a waste of time and everyone became busy building their careers and/or families.

Now, after graduating for more than 10y, I realise that friends who continue to meet up with other old friends are mostly due to business dealings.

For eg, insurance matters, property dealings or other services like buying from friend’s business in fnb, catering or renovation, etc. It was through those reasons that the friendships still remain.

Anyone else also feel the same way as I do? That friendship maintenance is mainly due to business dealings. If it’s just ‘catch-up’, there seems to be nothing much to say.

And if there is no business matters, the friendships are almost no more. Glad to hear other perspectives.

Netizens’ comments

1. Friendships are like plants, if you don’t give a damn about it for too long it will just die.
2. I’ve been friends with one of my closest friends since I was 7. I can still tell you how I met her and we laugh about it all the time. We drifted apart in secondary school, but managed to still keep tabs on each other thanks to Facebook. We went to the same JC eventually and have been close since.
   We went to each others’ graduations, I was her maid of honor at her wedding and just 2 days ago, she gave me a “World’s Best Aunt” T-shirt to reveal her pregnancy. I started bawling my eyes out because I still remember her 2-plaid hairstyle and bug-eyed stare when we first met. Some long-lasting friendships just hit different.
3. My closest friends are my pri & sec sch friends who have been with me probably over 15 years plus. We went to the same schools for both and we have this weekly “meeting” where we usually just hang out until wee hours talking about work, hobbies and joke about our time during school days
4. I know someone who went on a trip with his sec sch friends at the ripe old age of 47 because it was sth they agreed on/dreamt about waaaay back in school :’)
5. Um… no… I’m decently close to my friends and even though we don’t catch up much, when we do there’s a lot to talk about because we haven’t seen one another in so long. We’ve never talked business either.
6. the way you talk about your “friends” is quite ridiculous as if you don’t want to meet up with them just to hang out then are they even your friends at all? you talk about them as if you’re rivals. while it may be normal to sort of compare your standings in life with them but that is definitely not the only point. if that’s your view in life on friends then you surely have not made any real friends in your school years

So my husband and I are both in our early 30’s. The moment he gets home, he starts talking about his day.

He’s a surgeon and he starts to talk about his surgery in details and it’s pretty technical. I’m here trying to destress from my day and deal with our one year old boy and he just basically describes his entire day in detail.

It sounds like “Then I opened the right arm, harvested the radial flap by myself, and the nerves were hard to identify so that took an extra 30 minutes there, then i had to suture the vessels under the microscope and it kept fogging up…” (Except in even more detail).

I got annoyed and I told him I don’t really want to listen to his medical cases and it stresses me out because then I feel like I’m back at work.

When I’m done with work, I want to be done with work and not feel like I’m in the OR still. I have told him this multiple times before. He continues to do it.

So about once a week, he forgets and will go on and on about his surgery for 30+ min until I get fed up and I tell him to stop talking about surgery. (He recaps daily but usually under 30 min, but once a week he decided to recite his “surgical textbook”)

After this argument, he says he doesn’t feel supported and feels like he can’t talk to me. I feel like an AH as well because I don’t have the mental capacity to listen to him recap his entire day in detail without being mentally draining on me.

I feel like a horrible person but I don’t know if this is normal or if I’m just being an AH.

My (26F) boyfriend (27M) abruptly quit his job with no backup plan.

A year ago my boyfriend moved in with me, to house that I own and am currently paying a mortgage on with the agreement that he would contribute weekly for bills and groceries. He also has a car loan.

A few months ago he expressed concerns to me that his workplace was heading in a bad direction and he was unhappy with the new management they had introduced.

I encouraged him to start looking for a new job while working at his current one, but also warned him that there is a recession looming, and leaving solid employment is a very risky move.

He agreed with me that he would start to look for a new job, however he never did. Of course, 6 weeks later the job had become unbearable for him mentally so he handed in his resignation with no new job lined up.

We are now almost 7 weeks into him being unemployed and unable to even land an interview, the car loan has completely eaten his savings and he is no longer contributing to groceries and bills.

I have had to lend him money to keep him from defaulting on his car loan, and money to pay for his pet’s medical bills.

I am financially struggling to lend him this money as I’ve been hit hard cost of living. I expect to have to loan him more money again soon.

I want to make clear that all other aspects of our life are great. He treats me with all the love and care in the world and is the absolute best part of my day.

However the seeds of doubt have been planted in my head. I have had many weeks to think about what happened and come to the conclusion that I feel hurt by his decision.

I feel he did not take me into consideration at all, and did not think of the consequences on both of us if he was to just walk away from his job.

I am at a crossroads in my life, my options are to ride the lightning and hope he finds a job soon, but potentially have this mistrust and doubt hanging over me forever.

The 2nd option is to end the relationship and move back in with my family and try to rebalance my financials to weather the oncoming recession.

Is a situation like this cause enough for a breakup of an otherwise healthy relationship?

Need your guys’ opinions as I’m really at a loss of what to do

My girlfriend and I have been together since our primary school days and we were having sex almost every other day. One day, my best friend told me he browsed Tinder and Bumble and saw my girlfriend profile in them.

At first, I don’t believe his words and thought that my best friend was just making a joke as we had been together for almost 18 years.

But on one particular day, I walked past my girlfriend whom was sitting at the living room, I saw her swiping on Tinder and as soon as she saw me, she faster force close the app and then act as if nothing had happened and continue to browse her Instagram.

I didn’t confront her about this as I thought she was just influenced by her girl friends and try out dating apps due to boredom, but oh boy I was wrong.

Ever since that incident, she started to create excuse like menses and not wanting to meet me because of bla bla bla. Do you guys think that she might be cheating on me?

Netizens’ comments

1. Oh yeah. She’s definitely trying to upgrade on you. There’s nothing to do. It is what it is. You can confront her but the outcome wouldn’t be good.
2. You gf is not worth the grief. If she have two profiles on dating apps there’s probably 5 other you don’t know of. Tell her to f off and keep your dignity
3. Leave her bro. Dont be a cuckbeta. It hurts but you’ll do much better in a year or two. Most of us have been thru women cheating. Its just not worth your time and the prolonged suffering. Let her go get pregnant with some loser on tinder bro. Mgtow. Or you can nut in her and then leave her
   Be the one on tinder, not the one being tindered son. literally. There are better women out there that are not hoes.
4. That’s something that only your gf can answer. Still nothing warrants getting cheated on, without the decency to let you know things are not working out. I say you dodge a bullet, imagine she doing this when you guys are married and have kids

My (f28) boyfriend sometimes uses a timer when we F – has this happened to anyone else here?

My boyfriend (m28) and I (f28) have been together a little more than a year. I love him very much and want it to work, but one thing that has increasingly worn on me over time is a general disinterest from him in my pleasure.

In the beginning of the relationship, we had usually little to no foreplay, quickly getting into penetration, and then him finishing and rolling over to fall asleep – basically, intercourse was over when he came, even though I hadn’t gotten off at all.

This kept happening so I talked to him about it, and he said he would do better and put in more effort to help me finish.

After that, there were times when he would actually attempt to make me come. The problem is, though, he never seems to be enjoying it at all, and he acts like it’s kind of a chore.

One thing he started doing some of the time, for example, is setting a timer on his phone when he starts to finger me. He’ll say like, “alright, I’m giving you 5 minutes to come” or “I’m giving you 8 minutes to come, and if it doesn’t happen before the time is up I’m going to sleep.”

This makes me feel awful and like the least desirable person in the world tbh, and it’s not even fun at that point because it feels like he has no interest/enthusiasm in doing it in the first place.

It also makes it harder to finish bc I feel under pressure and like I’m racing against a clock, which I’ve told him.

My question is has this (or something similar) happened to anyone else? I really don’t know what to make of it. I feel like he must obviously not be attracted to me, or something along those lines.

People tell me I’m attractive, with previous partners we’ve always been really enthusiastic to give pleasure to each other, and it doesn’t really take me a particularly long time to finish – I don’t get it.

He tells me he loves me and wants a family with me one day, but I just don’t really see how you can love someone and not want to/care about making them feel good.

What would you make of the timer thing? I’ve also asked him if he could go down on me more often because I suck him pretty regularly, but he almost always will just give an excuse and say he’s too tired.

He’s gone down on me maybe 5 times in the last year. I’d be totally fine w/ it if it just isn’t his thing, but he consistently says he enjoys doing it, which makes me feel like he just doesn’t enjoy doing it on me.

Grateful for any advice or similar experiences you’ve been through.

My (29F) husband (30M) says I can sleep with other people instead of him if I want to get intimate physically, I’m heartbroken but don’t know what to do.

His reason is there’s always a non-zero chance of having kids and we’re not ready for kids. This is a nonsense reason.

I asked him what about I have a non zero chance of getting pregnant if I sleep with other people, he says then it won’t be solely his responsibility.

He is loving otherwise and we cuddle a lot. He does most if not all the chores too. It breaks my heart that he doesn’t want to sleep with me and gives these reasons.

He thinks we can just have a marriage without any physical intimacy. It’s not like he has zero libido because he admits to touching himself to adult videos. Does this warrant a divorce?

Netizens’ comments

1. If you want a divorce that warrants all the reason you need to get a divorce. If he doesn’t want to sleep with you and you can’t go without then yeah there needs to be a compromise or yeah divorce becomes a very realistic option. Honestly it would seem like something you might want to bring up to him.
2. That’s either some serious health/pregnancy anxiety or just bs and he doesn’t want to sleep with you.
   If it’s a form of anxiety or addiction to adult videos, it could be treated, but he’d have to admit he needs it and follow through.
   I do think you should get a divorce, but …please whatever you do, do not do what he’s suggesting. He’s also essentially told you that he will not take responsibility if you get pregnant. He’d probably leave, I’d bet.
3. That’s unfortunate. First of all, while no birth control is EXACTLY 100% preventative… there are TONS of options out there to choose from, some of which are EXTREMELY effective – even more effective if you use multiple methods simultaneously. If he’s incredibly squeamish about not wanting to use methods A, B, or C, all the way through X, Y or Z, then there may be another issue that he’s using this as an excuse to mask. Sometimes it’s easier to lie and say “it’s a ME thing, not a YOU thing” than it is to just say something that you think is really going to hurt someone else.