Is it really so hard to send a text to tell someone that you are not interested? Why do people choose to ghost the other person when it comes to dating?

While there are decent girls out there who are respectful enough to let me know that they are not interested to meet again after I ask them out again, these girls are few in proportion to the ones who would just ghost. And to make things worse (and I’ve experienced this a number of times before), a good proportion of these girls who ghost, would not just ghost, but they would agree to meet again first (after meeting initially), and then say that they need to check their schedule and that they would get back to me, and then never gets back to me.

It is obvious that there is a decent chance that the girls who did this, were already aware they didn’t want to meet again, but chose to lead the guy on by agreeing to meet, and then ghosting afterwards (Usually they would have a more open schedule before, but then “suddenly” they have to check their schedule etc.). Perhaps because of their selfish reasons of not wanting to face the discomfort of rejecting someone directly, so they chose to lead someone on like that, or to simply ghost.

Even if you initially truly wanted to meet when you agreed to it, but then changed your mind after, shouldn’t you at least have the decency to let the other person know, instead of carrying on the facade of wanting to put in your part of the effort to make the next meetup happen? And then eventually ghosting?

There was one who agreed to meet again (after meeting a few times), but then when trying to set up the time for it, she would always have some kind of reason why she has to delay or reschedule it or any of the like (whereas for previous meetups, she was much more able to find time to meet). And this carried on for some time until I eventually got so turned off by her character, I decided not to see her again.

Some people may say “Omg just take the hint already she doesn’t want to meet you again!”. But how hard is it to communicate that directly, instead of playing around with the guy like this? Am I suppose to assume that every girl who agrees to meet, is basically lying from now on? Am I suppose to assume that every reason a girl gives for needing to reschedule, or for being busy with school/work/whatever, is basically a lie from now on? What if she genuinely wants to meet but is really busy? See what I mean? Clearly, communicating directly that you do not want to meet (again), is the most effective and mature/respectful way.

If guys have to guess around and assume that your “yes means no, and no means yes”, and do guesswork with your hints, then how do you expect anyone to take your words seriously and be able to trust your words?

On top of that, why can’t the girl just send a simple text, “Sorry but I don’t think I want to meet again. I think we’re not compatible, I enjoyed the time together with you though!”, instead of falsely agreeing to meet just to ghost, lying that you would get back to the guy when you know you’re just using it as a means to reject him in an asshole-ish way on your part.

I’ve learnt that some girls do these lying and ghosting acts because there are guys out there who would go crazy and insult the girl after the girl respectfully says no (due to the guys’ huge ego unable to accept rejection), or there could be guys who may do even more crazy things, and this is why some girls do not give a direct rejection, but rather choose to lie and ghost. If the guy showed signs of being a crazy creepy person I get it, it is probably for your safety to ghost.

But what about the majority of guys (I would like to believe it’s the majority, correct me if I’m wrong) out there who are actually decent human beings, and showed no signs of being some crazy person (the meetups were fun, or even if not fun, at least it was a normal one)? Do they deserve to get dicked around by a girl like this? Couldn’t you at least reject someone directly and respectfully, then if the guy turns out to start insulting you afterwards, you block him?

If a girl rejects me directly, I can at least respectfully acknowledge it, wish her well, and move on. It saves us both time, and allows the rejected person to move on without being led on.

For the decent girls out there who are shocked by this, yes, girls like this exists out there. I’m sure that many guys experienced this at some point in their lives before too. Also, I’m not saying that only girls are capable of being assholes by leading people on and ghosting like this, I’m sure there are asshole guys out there too. But as a guy myself, it is far from uncommon to come across girls like this. And the girls who do this are also not what you may be picturing in your head, you may think that these must be some girls who carry themselves without much respect for others, who carry themselves wildly and behave obnoxiously. But no, from my experience, the type of girls who do this are as common as the common girl you see in Singapore.

For new graduates confused abt pte housing fret not.

The most impt to be able to afford quality housing is ur salary. For pte housing, we try to aim for 8k starting pay at graduation as this will max out ur cpf oa contribution which u can pour into ur House

By 3 years into your job, your pay shld be 12k.

Don’t buy a car. Please. Take mrt and bus. Adult Concession is just $128 per mth. Treat pte hire rides as a sin.

If you want a nice house early, DO NOT transfer to SA. Transferring to SA will cause issues with downpayment of 25%. Don’t believe in those 1M65 idiots.

Transferring to SA is stupid coz if u can max out your cpf ceiling of 102k per year from age of 27, you will hit frs even without transferring.

You are permitted to eat avocados.Unlimited amount. I personally eat 4 daily. Quite cheap ntuc sell 4 for $6.95. And quite filling.

Keep your daily expense to less than $20 excluding avocadoes. Use sim only. Don’t change phone too frequently. Cancel unnecessary Netflix Disney subscriptions. Don’t give parents too much money. Under report ur income to them. Just max two credit card and pay ur credit card fully each month. Too much credit card affects the loan u can get next time. Don’t buy too much new clothes, make up, accessories. Limit ur insurance spending by buying the correct things. Buy term insurance. Critical illness can opt out. But full hospitalization insurance is a must. Cancel gym. Go use the public fitness corner.

If u do the above, you shld be able to gather cash + oa of 600,000 by age 30 to 31 if girl and 32 to 33 if guy. Then u pour it into your downpayment and stamp duty for the first 2 bedroom rcr new lauch or 3 bedroom ocr new launch.

Tldr: avocado is not the problem. The problem is not earning enough and spending too much money.

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Hi my fellow singaporeans. Just here to rant something out, and I would like your opinions in this!

I lent my bicycle to a close friend of mine because he wanted to use it to do food delivery. Prior to this, a few days ago, I told him before that my bicycle was not in the condition to be used for food delivery anymore- My bicycle is 2 years old, and the last servicing did was a year ago.

But I still lent him my bicycle because he was jobless and had no money in his savings. He also called me on the phone personally and asked for the favor as there was a surge in delivery fares during that time period. As such, out of empathy, I lent him my bicycle.

When he returned my bicycle back after working, I did not do any checks because I trusted him, and locked it as per usual.

Five minutes later after leaving, my friend went back to my place and asked if he had left his wallet at my place. My family and I saw no sights of his wallet around, and it looked like he lost it while he was working. Here comes the strange part. I offered him to ride my bicycle back home as he lost his Ezlink card as well, and he refused, and he chose to walk back home. I also offered him to use my bicycle to go look for his wallet or the police station, but he turned down my offer again, and say he will look for it tomorrow morning and he will call the police on the phone. I found it weird as to why he was so reluctantly in using my bicycle.

True enough, the next morning when I was going to ride to the supermarket. I realized that my left brake BROKE – It was so obvious as there were zero pressure when I use the left brake. I could only pinpoint the fault to my friend who used it the previous night, and when I confronted him about it, he denied about knowing anything and commented that the left brake was already “loose” but not broken when he returned back. He did not bothered to justify himself, but just said that he didnt know.

I went on to fix my brake for $25, and ever since that confrontation, he havent talked for four weeks. I am suspecting because he is ashamed about facing me, or he’s really just busy.

I hope you guys can understand that this isnt just about a broken brake and the money spent, but its about a matter of integrity. I used my bicycle countless of times, but there were no issues when I get back home, but the moment I lent it out, something happen.

Any fellow Singaporeans had a similar experience like this? And so what do you think I should do? Take $25 as a lesson for knowing this person, or give him my benefit of doubt and text him?

So I (18M) lost my virginity with my girlfriend (19F) of 3 months but there were some problems

So i (18M) have been with this girl (19F) for 3 months now, and 3 days ago we finally did it, it was the first time for the both of us, not to go into all the tiny details but we ended up doing it for about 40min, im not sure whether to be impressed by myself or concerned because i just couldnt finish

its not that i wasnt excited, but there were some slight technical problems during the beginning and i kept getting stressed out or nervous

and yesterday we almost did it for an hour and a half to no avail. Im just down cause i dont know whats happening and because she will think that its her fault or something.

Is there anything i can do for this to not happen again, maybe spice things up?

Netizens’ comments

1. You don’t need to spice things up, you were nervous and trying to figure it all out that’s so normal! It actually sounds like you guys did a great job for your first time
2. My suggestion would be to experiment more with foreplay. Find out what you each like and dislike and progress from there. Not only will you both become more comfortable but you’ll also relax more which in turn will make it easier for both of you to enjoy it. Stress and being nervous play a big role in your ability to climax.
3. It happens to the best of us. Probably just the nerves. I couldnt finish with my girlfriend either when we first did it. I was so focused on what she was thinking of me (it was the first time she saw me completely naked) and if she thought things felt good, and making sure i was feeling good that i couldnt quite fit getting off in there. We had a good time regardless and im a lot more confident now. Just communicate things with her im sure shell understand.
4. Congrats ! Just communicate with her that you are just worried or nervous and getting used to sex, if the problem stays for longer than a couple weeks maybe consider visiting a doctor but really it’s probably just nerves. Tell her that you are enjoying it even if you can’t finish and make sure that you take care of her needs as well.

It’s so hard, I can’t see the point anymore. I quitted the fifth job, only 2 weeks in.

I don’t know why, I just felt so overwhelmed and all of the sudden I stopped being productive, can’t do anything at all, everything in my mind is literally the thoughts normal people shouldn’t have

I have seen a psychiatrist before but it ain’t working (mainly because it’s hard for me to open up when my parent are with me, the docs made it compulsory that one if then have to come with me), prescribed meds ain’t working and I don’t want to ended up overdosing so I stopped going for checkups. Don’t want to end up having a company found out I have mental issues in my medical history too…

I got my degree cert on march 2021, literally doing nothing but get a job, got overwhelmed, can’t sleep well and having s thoughts, then quitted job

I’m already pass my mid twenties, everyone else, even my younger relatives are buying houses, doing well in life. Here I am feeling like a waste of space

It’s my second month back to jobless, pretending to have a job. I go to the place where I think no one else would recognize me, and spend the day browsing jobs.

I’m so sick and tired of myself, I spend my parents of money getting a degree, got into debt, over two years I haven’t paid a cent

My parents don’t talk about it Infront of me but I observe more than I talk so I know from their responses, during gatherings, when their successful brothers and sisters talking about how well their children’s are doing, that they wish their kid can be like them

I don’t even understand the meaning of my existence other than leeching off my parents, can’t function like a normal human being, like a defective human being.

The only valuable things I have is my body, wouldnt take me a second thought to agree if I can just undo my existence and refund the money spent by my parents on me, I’m literally their biggest investment failure.

Just tryna find a place to vent, thanks

Car sharing (shariot) damage quote 10x, what should I do?

I accidentally pump diesel (5LTR- my bad I knowww) instead of petrol on my car rental. I was rushing to return back the car and did not notice until the cashier inform me at shell station.

I did not start the car after pumping in the diesel and immediately called shariot. They took the car and quoted 1300 for a clean and flash of petrol tank as well as replacement of fuel filter and pump for $300. (Note: didn’t start car, so not required)

Overall they also quote 3 day loss of use: 450. Tow is 120 Total 2.3k damage But when I check outside workshop, they quote as below:

Fuel clean and flush: 150
Tow: 60

Ready in 1 day How can I dispute and ask shariot to understand the exorbitant cost and have any one got into this issue?? Any advise please:(

Netizens’ comments

1. In my 20 years of driving, I’ve only heard of people accidentally pumping petrol into diesel vehicles. You should have extended the rental and sorted it out yourself instead of informing them. I doubt there’s anything you can do other than pay the cost.
2. How the hell? I thought diesel nozzles were larger than the petrol ones and wouldn’t fit nicely into petrol cars. How’d you manage to do that?
   Either way, just pay the fine. If you want to dispute, it’ll be a civil case and you’re gonna pay more for a lawyer.
3. Sad to inform you that a big part of revenue for these car sharing companies comes from such accidents. They hope their users gets into accidents so that they can hand out ridiculous charges. Nothing much you can do since you already accepted tnc before usage.
4. I’m surprised you never pump Slurpee into the tank lol

New hire makes $20k more than me

Welp that just about does it for me. I’ve posted here before about this bs job I’ve stumbled upon and the absolute BS I have to put up with in it but today might have just signed it off for me.

So I’ve been at this job like a year and a half. Recently we hired a new person to do my exact same job at another company branch.

Being the senior analyst, I got sent over to train said new hire today. In the course of discussion, I ask him what they started him out at to which he replies very nonchalantly, “Like about 82k.”

I’m sitting there stunned. Legitimately. Right now I’m sitting at 65k. My coworker is at 62k. Never in my life have I ever felt so betrayed by a company.

I’m glad for the new guy. He’s super cool and does great work, but I was just left feeling so upset. I don’t even know what to do. Part of me wants to just walk in tomorrow and quit outright, and part of me knows I can’t afford to do that. What a damned horrible feeling.

Netizens’ comments

1. Start looking for a new job. Thats the only thing you can do bc if they’re underpaying you, they are doing it on purpose and it’s gonna take a lot for you to even get a 10k raise, better off just putting that energy towards interviewing elsewhere
2. That’s when you update your resume. It really seems to be alot easier ( relatively speaking of course ) to find a new job than to pry a decent raise out of a current employer
3. At least try to ask for a raise. Just be prepared to leave if they don’t approve. You know it’s in their budget now.
4. New hire is market rate, you are an old rate. They aren’t just going to bump you up, you either need to push for market rate or go to the market.
5. Get a competing offer and prove market value, the company will most likely match. Don’t be upset at the company or the new hire. The fact that you came here to bitch instead of writing your resume tells me the company was right in paying you the minimum to keep you, and you likely can’t do better on the open market.
   You got two choices, accept it and go back to work tomorrow and stop screwing with your career, or go get a better offer in hand and prove me and your company wrong.

My bf (30M) wants to break up with me (25F) after almost 5 years because he wet the bed.

Last night my boyfriend went out with his friends and got back around 1:30am. I was already asleep but he woke me up when he got home so I know he was drunk when he got back.

This morning I wake up to the blanket I’m using soaking wet. I thought it was a dream but nope. I smelt it because I thought water fell of the shelf at first, nope. It was unmistakably pee.

I wake my boyfriend up and very calmly and gently ask him to check if he wet the bed. His mom told me previously that years ago he’d come home drunk and wet the bed and that’s why his old mattress was pretty much black.

Disgusting. I was very nice and cautious as to not hurt his feelings or embarrass him if he was unaware.

He wakes up groggy and mad that I woke him and says he didn’t. I checked my pants and the middle is dry so I’m very confused. The dog hasn’t had an accident in the house since he was a puppy so I know it’s not him.

I wake my bf up and tell him the beds wet, something happened. He denies it again and gets mad saying he only had 45 more minutes to sleep before work. I threw the blanket off me and to his side. It’s clearly wet.

When I sat up I see that he has laid down two shirts under him. I jolted out of bed and realized my pants on my hip are also soaked. I see a pair of boxers in the garbage.

I cannot believe what I’m experiencing. This man wet the bed in the middle of the night, and instead of cleaning it up he put down two thin tshirts and left me to sleep in his piss. I woke up covered in his pee!!

He then says admits he did but won’t let go of the fact that he doesn’t have much time left to sleep and starts calling me awful names. I asked why he didn’t clean it up when he realized and he acted like it wasn’t his job to clean it.

“You wet the bed, are still laying in it, and left me in it too!” I’m not yelling because his family outside (we’re at his house) but I’m obviously very annoyed.

And instead of taking any responsibility for it, no apology, no reason, no promise of cleaning it, instead of doing the mature thing, he breaks up with me. Tells me he’s finally single and he doesn’t have to put up with my fat @ss anymore.

He goes on a whole tirade about how fat I am. I don’t think I’m thin by any means. But I’ve been actively dieting, exercising, and doing intermittent fasting for the past few months and I’ve lost weight

He said such awful things to me, I just kept telling him to get up, get a bag, put the sheets in the washer, clean this, I’ll help you, how are you just sleeping in it?!”

But he just kept hurling insults at me. “Look at your fat face, your chin is shaking every time you talk. Your so ugly. I can clean this up in a minute but you’ll still be fat. I’m done with you, I’m not coming home tonight, I’m single.

I’m trying very hard to be understanding because I get that he’s embarrassed. But he was just saying so many mean things that I started crying. I told him I understand he’s embarrassed but we just need to fix the situation now.

He then took pictures of me crying so I took a video of him in a good damn puddle. He told me he’s not taking the sheets down while his parents are home and I better not tell them what happened.

I feel like I’m crazy, how is it my fault? He told me to lay down till his parents left so I changed my clothes and used baby wipes to clean off any wet areas that were on me. And I laid down in the dogs bed. Which prompted more mean comments about how that’s where I belong.

After he left the room I balled the sheets and comforter up. He told me to leave it until he came home but I have work today and can’t leave without losing thousands of dollars so I need the bed clean and he just won’t do it.

Before I moved them he literally sprayed cologne on them like that was a fix. I asked about the mattress cuz he doesn’t have a mattress protecter and he said he’ll flip it. He won’t. And that’s disgusting.

The morning ended with me on the dog bed crying, being called fat, being told I’m single now, and with a grown man’s urine soaked sheets to clean. I just want to scream.

Was I wrong for being upset? I tried to be understanding when I thought it was an accident but he left me in it and didn’t see and issue. And when confronted he lashed out and hurt met feelings because he was embarrassed. What could I have done differently, if anything? I don’t want to break up but maybe if we do it’ll be good.

My (25M) girlfriend (23F) has felt hurt by my family. And has given me an ultimatum. Her or my family. What do I do?

I’ve dated my girlfriend for 3 years. We have a home together and a beautiful dog. Our relationship has been happy in many aspects.

But one place where it’s not is my moms side of the family. Specifically my grandma and aunt and uncle. When I first introduced her to my family. My mom loved her but everyone else seemed stand offish towards her.

Later they started to say rude things like “you’re disgusting” or “I’m embarrassed for him dating you” amongst other things.

Unfortunately this went on for far too long and without me doing anything concrete to stop it. I instead tried to mediate it between my girlfriend and family to make everyone more comfortable.

But instead it made my girlfriend feel isolated and abandoned. Like I was choosing my family over her. Which caused a big divide between us.

Now after multiple attempts to fix things and to get everyone on the same page. My family was willing to move on and put things in the past.

But my girlfriend feels like she has been too wronged for so long that nothing will truly change. Now she has given me a choice.

Her. Or the family that mistreated her.

I never wanted to be in a position like this. I never wanted to choose between my family and her. What should I do here? Do I tell my family off and leave them for good?

Netizens’ comments

1. I’m sorry, what does your family have to move on from and put in the past? Did your girlfriend call them disgusting? Did your girlfriend tell them how embarrassing they were? THEY are the ones who did her wrong and treated her like crap, and they – and you – owe her an apology. They don’t get to be jerks to your girlfriend for years and then pretend like it didn’t happen.
2. So they are willing to “put it in the past” which means nothing as they were the ones throwing out hurtful statements and you wonder why your girlfriend isn’t on board with this
   Maybe you need to clarify more, but you seem unreasonably bent on trying to keep people that treat your partner like crap in your life for no good reason at all that’s been brought forward other than “they are family”.
3. Why did they start to say these rude things to her?
   • (OP) I had a talk with my family about a month ago. And they said that she was not who they expected me to be with. So they tried to do things to change her in the way they thought she should be. I never once felt like they were in the right. But I made mistakes along the way to make her feel like I wasn’t choosing her. I tried to mediate things too much and that hurt her in the long run.

Is there anything I can do if Grab support has been unhelpful in returning my lost item in a car ride?

TLDR: Driver asks for $200 to return lost laptop in Grab car and doesnt pickup calls otherwise

Wife forgot to take her laptop sleeve with her when she got out of the Grab ride around 10 in the morning. Called driver several times, didn’t pick up.

Contacted Grab support who said they were unable to contact him via call either and that they’ve left him a message.

Finally he calls my wife and says that he can return it next week. This is her work laptop and there was also hard drive with her important research data for which deliverables are due this weekend.

He then goes on to say “give me $200, I’m too busy and my boss will yell at me. Anyway I’m only asking $200 its such a low amount. And that he will return it by 3pm”.

In the meanwhile I myself contact Grab support to report extortion and they try contacting him and he doesn’t pick up. They tell me to wait.

My wife panics and we decide there is nothing we can do. She has already had a bad week so she transfers the money. Only then he picks her call and says he is having lunch and can return by 3:30. He does return it.

We did it thinking we will get the laptop back at least and then file a report somewhere. Wondering if anything we can do to get money back? FYI $200 is not a small amount.

We had already decided to give him $50 just for the trouble and perhaps missed rides during that time… until he decided to extort..

Edit:

Thanks to everyone here. We filed a police complaint now. Will update if anything happens.

I know the right thing is to not give in. But reality is the laptop was needed and we couldn’t risk him becoming awol or damage it. We were also in a time crunch because we had a plane to catch. Just bad timing and mental state overall. Lets see what happens.

Netizens’ comments

1. You can still report to the police now. Accordingly, I believe the law is that if you find something of value, you should send it to the nearest police station within 24 hrs because keeping something you found is a crime. Now keeping it and then demanding it as ‘ransom’, well that’s worse.
2. Good luck with grab support, they don’t give a damn about small individuals.
   Maybe you could try the police route – report the criminal scum for unlawfully holding on to your possessions.
3. Should have reported to the police immediately when he asked money. Walao cannot do anything now