I had a stroke three years ago, shortly after, developed epilepsy and chronic migraines. My looks have declined. I used to wear makeup every day. I can’t really do it anymore I feel terrible all the time.

My husband makes me feel worse about my natural face, body hair he absolutely will not tolerate and I must wear lingerie and heels.

Having only use of one side of my body really makes things difficult. I’ve tried. I really have, to make him happy but I’m in so much pain all the time.

He’s said awful things to me about finding it elsewhere, calling me a lazy slob and saying I could not wear makeup and put a wig on and just turn around so he can’t see my face.

He says this is all my fault because I set this standard of wearing makeup all the time and that all guys would agree with him, which I know is not true.

It’s not just that, he won’t even kiss me. I even offer to do things just for him and he says not without makeup.

He makes it impossible to be attracted to him. Why would I even want to fix up for him?? Trying to get my shit together to leave but its hard with one arm and brain damage that makes things confusing.

Netizens’ comments

1. Oh my goodness I am so sorry you’re going through this. He is an absolute a-hole and your life will be SO much better without having to constantly perform for him. in all seriousness please consider leaving him. You deserve to live in peace.
2. Above all you are a human being with feelings , thoughts and emotions who deserves to be treated as such . You’re not his personal adult toy . Don’t change a thing about yourself for man.
3. I genuinely gasped reading your post at how awful your husband is to you. For someone who said for better or worse. He’s an a-hole. None of this is your fault and don’t think otherwise.
4. It sounds like the lack of attraction runs deeper than just appearance for the both of you, and that may have devolved for him, and IN RESPONSE for you as well. I hope you receive a relationship that is focused more on intellect, experiences, and personality traits which is what you and your husband had at the beginning. Your efforts should be applauded not the other way around.

My fiancé (F 28) has admitted she isn’t attracted anymore to me (M 28) and is only with me for my family and assets
Partner isn’t attracted to me and admits they currently just want access to my family and assets

Hi all, really in need of advice. Me (M, 28) and my fiancé (F, 28) have been together for 5 1/2 years and engaged for half a year. I have stood by her through the most difficult times of her life, gave her a place in my family when her’s pushed her away and stood by her as anger issues welled to the surface.

I persuaded her to try counseling and a psychologist and she’s had such fantastic improvement. She is the complete love of my life and I have sacrificed so much for her with no regret. It’s not been easy but then again, when is love?

To cut to the chase, in the last two months she has become increasingly distant, opting to go out with her friends until 3am, has been messaging a guy she met in work long messages ending in rows of kisses and has rejected any attempts to be intimate.

I have listed and pushed to spend more time with her and I’m met with no’s at each junction. I confronted her about a week ago and on pushing and ultimately telling her how low, alone I feel, she has admitted that she is no longer attracted to me and doesn’t feel that ‘spark’ anymore.

However, she doesn’t want to leave me because of everything I offer, my family, my car, the house myself and my father are renovating for us to live in, etc. She claims she still loves me but honestly, I just feel worthless and broken. I feel used in that she is essentially dragging me along while figuring out what she wants from me to make this work.

I love her to pieces but my self confidence is shattered. I’m not sure if I even trust that she still loves me and that she isn’t at least emotionally cheating on me with this ‘friend’ she messages.

I’ve attempted to do all I can to compliment her, ask her to do things with me, look after her etc but she just always finds fault / disregards my effort completely. It feels like I’m trying to save our relationship and she just doesn’t care.

Is there anything I can even do at this point? I feel miserable and broken but I love her and I just can’t throw away the possibility of our future together. If we did break up, she would lose her home (in my name), my family, our friends…and me, though she completed disregards me as mentioned. I want to save our relationship but how do I stop getting taken for a ride?

Is it just me or is it a naturally Singaporean thing to want things fast?

What I meant is not just wanting our food or a Grab fast but just things in life in general like getting a promotion or a relationship.

It seems like people expect a promotion a few months in just by working super hard the moment they get in the job or they expect to get into a relationship after one date.

Am I the only one who actually feels that way or is it true that it’s just our nature of wanting things fast due to living in a rat race?

Netizens’ comments

1. It’s not just you, I’m also admittedly like that as well. When I message people, especially when I’m making plans, I subconsciously want them to reply ASAP.
   In school, I’ll always answer the teachers questions because I want the lesson to continue as quickly as possible (also why I’m the teacher’s pet lol). I just loathe inefficiency.
2. I think beyond being impatient by nature and living in a fast paced country, Singaporeans are generally non confrontational and like to assume things instead of communication directly and openly. The examples OP gave about expecting fast promotions /fast relationships are easily addressed by managing mutual expectations from the start.
3. Yes, though I am not sure if it is a Singaporean thing or a city thing. Modern tech these days have caused us to want things immediately (like no ads / skip intro netflix/ Disney). In the past we still have to suffer thru commercial whether we like it or not. Sending a WA, vs waiting by the coffee shop pay phone for a call.
   I think this feeds into our behaviour in wanting everything quickly. U can see it in younger children too, where they already have less patience control, some can berserk just waiting for Youtube ad to finish.
   Yes I do have colleagues who dream that they can be that special one to promote with one year of worth work. To them they think they are doing gods work but in reality the same tasks are performed equally well by lower ranked ones.
4. Hmmm not in my experience about the promotion. Most people and companies I know get promoted 2-3 years and the only person who expected a promotion less than one year tanked the 6 peoples workload and really deserved it and still got told “nobody gets promoted in their first year”
   As for relationship, in my experience people who want to confirm bf gf on the first date are either desperate OR they are not taking things seriously.
5. Seeing the amount of friends moving to insurance and property agents, probably yes, because a few sales and they get the money faster than the traditional career path. Which is abit skewed really as the smarter ones being doctors probably earn 1/2 of what these sales guys earn in the late 20s to 30s.

Why have kids when you are already struggling?

I’m not criticizing anyone who has kids or will have kids in poverty and I’m not trying to start a eugenics conversation, but I do notice the correlation between poverty and how many kids one has.

It’s not always the case, but I did see it growing up and I’m seeing it now, people having kids they simple cannot afford to.

My brothers and I were so traumatized by poverty growing up that none of us have kids and we’re barely making it.

Meanwhile my cousins are all having kids and are living with their parents and are barely making it! It honestly just seems insane to me that their legit repeating the same cycle we went through growing. Why do that to yourself or your child?

My cousin asking me for money or even a coworker asking for money for groceries, which I gave because they both have babies and kids are my weakness, but it just doesn’t make sense to me in the long run.

There are days where I can barely afford myself and I couldn’t imagine adding an expense of a child to this equation.

Why do this to yourself when you’re already struggling? Serious question. Not trying to offend anyone

Netizens’ comments

1. Having a baby is one of the only markers of adulthood some of these people will ever reach or see as achievable.
2. I don’t have kids myself, but that’s how most people I know who knew they couldn’t afford kids yet had them anyway seemed to end up with their kids. They weren’t planned/wanted.
3. Ill let you in on a little secret…. most kids are mistakes. Adults just wont tell you that but they can still love you.
4. I’ll bite. I was dirt poor when we had our daughter. She was unplanned, my birth control failed and my now husband had low fertility due to a injury when he was young. In a way it was take the pregnancy then or risk never having one as the financial cost of fertility assistance is prohibitive.
   she just turned 10 yesterday and it’s due to her motivating us we have climbed out of deep poverty.

I wish I had a sugar daddy because I’m so tired of my job

I took 3 days of leave and my employees somehow managed to turn my department into a pigsty. Everything’s a mess right now and I’m so fed up with it.

I don’t have a lead I could count on to help, and my bosses aren’t any help at all either. I’m making slightly above the average salary and it’s great I’m not cleaning up tables but in the grand scheme of things I’m still living paycheck to paycheck and I feel stuck and don’t know how to break free from this nightmare.

I just want to travel and do all the things these mostly jobless “daddy gave me money for this” people on TikTok do, and it’s making me wish I had a sugar daddy too despite the fact that I have too much self-respect to even try to get one.

Netizens’ comments

1. Straight male here.. I also wish I had a sugar daddy
2. Don’t believe everything you see on Tik Tok. You should just delete the app, it is not helping your mental health at all.
3. I frequently wonder how many women(and in some cases men) are unhappily in relationships, because one partners ability to provide, takes so much stress away from life.
4. Everyone is taking this so literally. Basically OP is tired of her lack of support at work in her limited absence (fair) where she works really hard for most of her life to not even make enough to enjoy it. This is all valid. That doesn’t mean she’s going to just get into a sugar daddy situation for the hell of it bc she saw it on tiktok.
5. Don’t believe social media BS…. they want you to believe they are living their best life but 99% are bs. Like people who run wealth growth seminars make their money from people attending. If they were truly wealthy and didn’t need it, they would do it for free
6. if you think a sugar daddy is best, that’s totally fine as long as both parties are aware that’s what’s happening. as a more reliable option tho i would advise finding a different job and making an amicable leap as soon as you can.

If only life journeys could be smoother

In my mid 30s rn, and sometimes I feel like I’ve kindof wasted my past 2 decades by making so many wrong decisions be it regarding health or career.

For eg, spent more than a decade in a job industry which I didn’t enjoy and it took me so long to realise it and take drastic action.

In terms of health, hv endured through long periods of poor quality health ie poor sleep due to high stress, stomach issues due to bloating etc.

Life just has a way of bringing you in wrong directions.. it’s just so hard to get it right just in a few tries for me. It’s only till now that I start to see some real hope of improvement in terms of my health after I saw a naturopath.

Also in career wise, hv finally made a drastic change. I hope it’s not too late now, but also really wish this could hv happened earlier in my life.

Would like to hear if anyone of you feel a similar way? Wouldn’t mind hearing yr stories as well

Netizens’ comments

1. Today is the first day of the rest of your life OP. Look forward don’t look back!
2. Look it this way,if you hadn’t gone on that wrong path,you wouldn’t have realised that it is something that you do not want.Life is such that we just have to learn and improve from there.That wrong decision you’ve made also helps you realised that,everyone’s life journey will not be easy as you have seen on the surface. I wish you the best of what’s coming and be brave to embrace changes if needed to
3. Some people waste their entire lives away doing something they hate, only to realise it on their deathbeds. 30 is still young!
4. Hmm I guess if you hadn’t been through those experiences, you wouldn’t have learnt those lessons and change your course today. Sometimes life’s sweeter moments taste sweeter bcos of some of the bitter moments in life.
5. Hi OP. Im in my late thirties. What i can say is, as long as you dont quit, there is hope. The moment you give up, you have lost.
   I have a similar story, in that i didnt make optimal choices due to my natural inclination to explore, as well as a lack of guidance. Amongst my friends, I’m probably the least financially successful. A lot of them who went the safe route have made their pot of gold already, some have even retired.
   Some of my suboptimal experiences have been quite traumatizing. However, these experiences have shaped me into who I am today. And I can say that I’m a much better person in terms of maturity and mental strength. In fact, I’m glad that life was not overly smooth, because now I have the hunger and motivation to catch up to and surpass my peers.
   Mid 30s is definitely not too late to catch up. Life is a marathon, not a sprint. I see some friends who hit ED at 38, but they look so tired. I myself have a roadmap to hit that at 45; will 7 years make such a difference when we are 65?

Are taxi drivers no longer helping passengers with luggage?

Before you come at me for being self-entitled, I just want to say that I genuinely want to know. I have been away from Singapore for the last 6 months and live out of Singapore for periods of three to six months.

This time, upon being back, I realized that there has been a marked change towards helping passengers with their luggage.

I remember that taxi drivers have always been very helpful in bringing up my luggages to the trunks of their taxis.

So I am just asking if there has been a blanket policy change cos suddenly it is like there has been a silent consensus not to carry luggages anymore.

It would be good to know cos then I would just go ahead to lug them up myself instead of standing and waiting by the trunk.

Netizens’ comments

1. Came back from Thailand last week-end, and the taxi uncle helped me load/unload. Similarly on my last few trips, either from a Taxi or Grab/GoJek.
   Maybe you got unlucky?
2. No blanket policy. Depends on their mood. You just got unlucky. Once I tried to do it myself, but accidentally knocked it against the driver’s car (was a Grab), and he was visibly displeased. So I think there’s still reason for drivers to prefer to do it themselves.
3. It’s up to the individual driver. Some may do it because they feel like it, some may do it because they don’t trust passengers to not knock the car, or place them properly in the boot to minimise the chance of it sliding. Or maybe the driver is worried about pulling a muscle or has a bad back. They’re not covered by the company if they hurt their back lifting heavy luggage.
4. For my trips since last year, so far all of the taxi n Phv have helped me. Maybe because I look weak. 

Why do Singaporeans gatekeep their circle of friends?

So I grew up and studied in Singapore, but have had the opportunity to spend a portion of my adult life in UK and Australia. I have been back in Singapore for a few years now. And this is my observation.

The ang mohs tend to co-introduce to each others friends and that’s how your network grows wider. Like, a friend of mine will jio me for a group lunch even though I don’t know any of his friends. And vice versa.

And over time, we all become one big group of friends (and sometimes acquaintances cos its impossible to get along with everybody).

I realise for Singaporeans, people don’t tend to introduce their friends to another group of friends. In fact, quite the opposite.

There was once I was trying to organize 2 groups of friends to join together for an activity but both sides were very against the idea. They did not see it as a good opportunity to connect and make new friends at all. I was quite dumbfounded.

I feel this is probably why many Singaporeans feel lonely and isolated. It has to do with this gatekeeping of one group of friends from the other.

My few years back in Singapore has left me feeling frustrated that I have been unable to make as many new friends as I did overseas.

Thoughts?

Netizens’ comments

It’s a cultural thing, but I’d like to correct your assumption. It’s an ang moh thing, if you define ang moh as “red-haired” or anglos (UK, Oz, USA).

Having lived and worked in multiple countries, groups of friends tend to not mix so well and people tend to gatekeep their circle of friends in Singapore, Germany, France, Korea, and many other countries. I guess in societies where people are colder at first contact tend to do this, while societies where people are “warmer” at first would indeed introduce people to each other.

Two different ways of doing things. I think for many of us, friendship and social circles are long term commitments, and bringing new, random people to a well-established group might be perceived as potentially rude or inconsiderate. I would consider introducing a new person to a circle if I am more or less 100% certain that this person would be a good match.

I understand it can be hard for you if you’re used to the other style, but the problem you encounter is definitely not 100% singaporean.