here i am again, to seek advice. this time, it’s about my mother.

she has been diagnosed with bipolar type 1 (bpd1) and i am her sole caregiver. i’m 18 (f) and left alone with her without any relatives as they cut her off due to her illness. my dad has been out of the picture since i was young.

she has been in and out of imh since i was sec 3, approx every 2 years. she is unable to hold a stable job as she keeps getting admitted and upon discharge, she is less functional, thus affecting her ability to work. however, she is highly educated. it’s just that she’s on the extreme end of bpd, which means her relapses are a never-ending cycle, so her intelligence and qualifications doesn’t matter if she’s unable to cope with stress and keeps relapsing.

i’m in my final year of polytechnic, and i’m in one of the better courses (r4 ~7pt). i previously dropped out of a good jc as i thought getting a diploma and going straight to work would be a better idea, given the unpredictability of my mom’s illness. i’m determined to get a job first and then apply for uni or a part time degree once i’ve settled down.

as of now, my mom provides me allowance monthly, and that is all. my social worker and some imh personnel have told me that if it is not possible or ideal for me to be taking care of her, i have the option of keeping her inside for a few years until i settle down. it was also encouraged because i am “only 18” and i shouldn’t be responsible for my mother right now.

as her sole caregiver, ngl i’m really honestly very burnt out. i used to score straight As when my grandma was helping out too but now that she’s out of the picture, my grades have been impacted tremendously. i’ve also been working part-time but i think it’s just barely enough to cover the rest of my poly acad year.

my mom keeps gaslighting me and telling me she had it worse, even though people have been paying off her debts and cleaning up after her mess over and over again throughout her entire life. she also kept taking my savings away from me. she dumps all her emotional problems and vents onto me expecting me to be able to handle all of it on top of my own stress. i can’t, and she knows that, but she does it anyway because she has already pushed all her friends and loved ones away due to her crude and harsh words/actions. she also spam calls me and messages me every single day and it’s super distracting especially during class. this happens even if she’s not relapsing.

moreover, when she gets these relapses, she may harm people in public (she has tried to, multiple times before) thinking they are her “enemies” or “zombies” or whatever nonsense the voices in her head tell her. she will also perform stunts like strip in park beaches and i’m afraid one day she’ll get stomped or go viral, affecting her reputation forever. the police has always been involved and it’s very frustrating on my end.

i am aware that people with bpd do not have control over their actions, hallucinations and thoughts. i have been trying my best to understand her as a daughter. but for some reason, i am so freaking tired of being her daughter. my social worker called it “caregiver burnout”.

if i keep my mom inside for a couple of years, i’ll have to rely on myself financially etc, which i do not mind, although it will be very difficult. i will also forgo university for now. my mental health will definitely benefit from this option, but i’ll feel incredibly unfilial and bad. although my relatives cut her off, they are still in contact with me (they refuse provide me with any assistance, however) and will probably scold me for doing that.

if i discharge her after a month or so, the cycle will keep repeating but at least i’ll have some money to pull through university with the allowance she provides me (given she gets another job) and won’t have to worry as much about monthly expenses etc.

what should i do?

Netizens’ comments

I used to be a psychiatric nurse and I can see the drain in people’s families when they have someone with a severe mental illness. I’ve seen them progress for the better when their family member is committed and they have less of a worry and are able to recover.

I have an aunt with bpd with psychosis and fortunately (as much as that word works), she’s not violent. won’t take meds and unfortunately it’s only my mom (her caregiver) who ends up suffering from helping care for her as sometimes she skips baths, meals, etc.

If you’re able to get her committed, do it. It’s literally what’s best for you and your mom (and strangers she might hurt). It’s unlikely your mom will start being compliant with her medications and therapy to prevent herself from relapsing, or at least seeing the signs of a relapse happening and being able to get proper help.

Also, as you’ve said, you’re burnt out. Regardless of age (but worse since you are only 18), it’s hard to have such a physical, emotional, financial drain on you when you’re barely self-reliant. If it’s possible to commit her as a long-stayer, she should go.

after that, if you’re able to, get some help for yourself, whether it’s resources to help with finances or therapy for your own traumas, you need to start healing so you can recover from this.

I’ve been driving my Mercedes A-Class for more than a year now and recently, my agent told me he got lobang for C-Class. I feel like it’s time for me to upgrade but the thing is, I don’t want my boss to think I’m trying to upstage him leh. He always act like he don’t care what people say but actually the whole office most petty is him.

One time someone say my Balenciaga wallet nice ask me how much I buy, the next day my boss bring Gucci bag to work sia. The first time I wore the Tag Heuer that my gf gave me also the same. The next day my boss walked in with a Rolex and the whole day he shake his hand so much until we all scared he dislocate his wrist sia.

And it’s not just me. Even the cleaner aunty he also don’t let go. He overheard her telling us how excited she was for her son cos he managed to get the Bidadari SBF then he just cut in and say he will be on leave cos he going to collect keys to his new condo. And that’s not all.

He still go and complain to big boss that the cleaner aunty always talk in pantry never do her work.

Walao eh like this he also shiok? This kind of people how come can be manager I also dunno… okay lah I think I’ve made my decision. But now I got a new problem. Sports rim or no sports rim?

Here are what kind of netizens think:

• Like that you tell him you prepare your funeral before you die, got burn iPhone 13. Make sure he prepares to burn iPhone 31.

• This kind of person will never be contented.

• You challenge him who goes Woodbridge first.

I had never dated *finished* until the night my friend of 6 years and I had this tension around us that could be cut with a knife. Blame the things we never said… or the extra alcohol.

We were tipsy, not drunk. I take consent extremely seriously so we half-jokingly played trivia about each other before making out and eventually engaging in oral.

He ate me out so good I lost my voice. Returned the favour and he was reacting to every bob of my head. I can still feel his fingertips caress my face while he muttered words of praise. We then cuddled, showered each other in kisses and fell asleep.

This all happened at his place. Not a shitty hotell, not the back of a car. He did things right. But the next morning he was cold and curt towards me. Sent indirect about me needing to leave cause he had to go to work. Didn’t have an issue with that cause we’re super close and I know his schedule, but it was odd that he didn’t even drop me off nor offer me a measly cup of coffee. Left hungry, dirty and very confused. Walk of shame, yup.

Texted him to meet up for weekly lunch together. Left on reading. Did not pick up my 2 calls and I will not call him a third for I rather die than beg.

But we always had an amazing bond, endless love for each other and, well… he was my first. I know that means nothing to men but it did mean something to me.

Have I been used? Is he conflicted about his feelings? A common friend says we’re in the middle of skinny love (both parties wanna date but neither makes a move) yet my efforts debunk that! He’s the one running away after getting some honey.

Here are what netizens think:

• Honestly, I (f) once hooked up with a really good friend of mine, regretted it, and then was distant towards him/tried to act like nothing happened because I wasn’t interested in pursuing anything further. My friend definitely seemed interested in a relationship/seeing where things went and I felt like a horrible human being because I just wanted to forget we hooked up at all. It took a while (years), but we are actually good friends again and both of us have partners who suit us way better. Sorry to put it bluntly, but sometimes friends hook up and it means nothing to the other person.

• I don’t think you were used. I think he was just relaxed enough to act on what he wanted in the moment but now regrets it. 

• I would not try for some big confrontation. Hang back a bit and then contact him in a normal way. “Hey, I don’t know what’s going on with you but you have a lot of my stuff and I’d like access to it. I wish we could talk but if you can’t handle it right now then let me get my things so I can use them and we can talk whenever you’re ready “..

• This happened to me when I hooked up with a close friend. I called and asked him for reassurance a few day later, that our friendship was not going to be affected by the night. He freaked out, said something like, “I thought you’d be more cool about it.”

I’ve been “seeing” him for almost three years.

I’m now six months pregnant and he’s married – so he’s been cheating on his wife with me for three years.

I know he won’t leave her but the baby will be here soon. He knows he has to tell her because you can’t secretly co-parent a child but he’s scared.

I want it out in the open so I can have that plan in place sooner rather than later.

How wrong would I be to tell her myself?

Here are what netizens think:

Welcome to single parenthood!

Honestly unless you want to be a poor sole parent, people should only be having kids in a committed long term relationship.. untimely this is her choice.. there were options here but now they are long gone.. her body, her choice, her decision to become a sole parent.. keep it or adopt it out are the only two left now.. how can someone with a whole other family not be throwing up red flag after red flag and you not notice it is beyond me..

It’s a growing trend in modern society sadly and it’s only going to get worse until we start taking responsibility for our actions and stop enabling hedonism. I think it’s a direct result of promiscuity, unresolved mental health, hook-up culture

Men have been having mistress’s for 1000’s of years. It’s the reason children born out of wedlock didn’t have any inheritance rights – the men could shag left, right and centre and didn’t have to take care of any babies created.

I guess a part of me feels just slightly sorry for you, that you have that low self esteem. I’ve been where you are. Mine lasted..3 months. 3 months. I knew what I was doing was so very wrong, and I did the right thing and ended it, then got myself into therapy.

“My boyfriend is a huge fan of buses and can tell what model is the bus by simply listening to the engine. He can even memorise bus plates and sometimes I tell him over the phone the number of the bus I’m taking, and he has the superpower to tell me the exact plate number and bus model of the bus. I suspect he has autism.

Well that’s okay with me.

What’s NOT okay is that whenever we go out, he likes to keep whatever rubbish we created and bring it home to throw! if we ate McDonald’s or KFC outside, he will put all the rubbish in his bag to bring home. He does not allow me to throw away a bag that is not full, so he tries to make it full using whatever rubbish we created outside. the house really stinks because the rotting meat has been in the plastic bag for several days. He also do not want to use the bin as the plastic bag does not fit any bin perfectly, so it is an exposed plastic bag. I have thrown up several times because of the smell and we argue a lot over the smell of the rubbish.

Last but not least, he does not want to hang clothes on any pole to dry as he thinks the poles are dirty from bird shit, dust or other people touching it. So all our wet clothes from the washing machine will be dumped on our bed. Some nights I have to sleep on cold, wet bed because the clothes have not fully dry.

He also does not allow me to sit anywhere whenever I come home from outside. I have to sit on “dirty” chairs and not simply any chair. I cannot sit in the floor too.

I’m not able to break up with him as he would threaten to kill me or my family or himself. He will also make trouble for me at my workplace. I feel so trapped and no one to turn to. I can’t tell my friends or family about this. I’ve turned to AWARE but they can only help people who are married. What should I do? Sometimes I feel like dying to escape from all these misery.”

Here are what netizens think:

He needs professional help.You need someone in the industry to find resources you can turn to.Keep asking around.Keep up the hope.Start by writing down your option on paper and clarity would come.Edit: there is no one agency or organisation that has all the answers. The most important thing is the mindset and not feel trapped.That’s why keep asking around and get options. Only then you can be empowered.Your own well being is important as that would also have an effect on the boyfriend. Whom I guess you also want to be happy. Although it seems like it won’t work out don’t mean both can’t have a happy life aheadEdit 2 threats like killing you or family or himself is constituted as criminal. Calling the police to seek guidance is one way.There are also hotlines to call.1767 samaritans of Singapore1800 777 0000 national anti violence hotlineGet options. Empower yourself. Then pull the trigger and stay the course of action.Lastly. If you have a trusted person. Be it a family member or a friend. Time to confide in them.They might not have the answers but the conversation is important.Societal pressures and norms might prevent you from doing that and that’s why journaling or writing down is like a conversation you have with yourself.Although best to talk with someone and best with a professional. Because professionals are trained listen and give advice best suited to your situationEdit 3I implore you to take the tiniest step today that would safeguard yourself and the ones you love. Have courage. A stranger here is rooting for you. 

I dont know why some ppl can find this post amusing. Pls keep all possible evidence of his violent and threatening behaviour( if it is verbal, take a note of date/time/place and content). File a police report, block contacts and end relationship with him immediately. Easier said than done, but for your safety, it has to be done

I lost a close friend of 10 years, whom we first met in secondary school after coming out to him that I am gay just last week.

He suddenly just distanced himself away from me and just blocked me on Insta and telegram yesterday (he used to put all my messages on read).

When I called him today, he said that this friendship is over and hung up. It was quite shocking as I remembered that when I first came out last week, he said he won’t treat me differently and he’ll still be my friend.

But after finding out that he cut all contact lines with me, I am heartbroken and lost. Not only I was slapped with a lie, but also witnessed a behavioural change in him, that he prefer to have straight friends.

Was it a bad move to disclose my orientation to someone I know for so long? Is he afraid that I’m trying to flirt with him? I knew he has a girlfriend and I respected that. I wasn’t intending to date him, I just wanted to be accepted for who I am. He seems to be living in this bubble on what gays are ‘supposed to be’.

Now I have this fear of telling my other friends that I’m gay as they might have the same reaction. Should I just forget that ‘friend’ and move on, or give him more time to move on.

I know now many young ppl are open towards the lgbtq community, but I still can’t handle what I just encountered. I lost a part of myself there.

Here are what netizens think:

• A friend who can’t accept who, what and how you are, is not worth your time anymore. Time-length of a friendship doesn’t define anything. That’s why there’s a saying of 患難見真情. Put this down and move on. Don’t be surprised if ever a day you heard that he has been letting people know what you told him. Such is human. Life sucks sometimes. Take care!

• If they don’t accept you, they don’t deserve to be your friends. Join an interest club, put yourself out there meet people. You’ll realized the world is big enough to know that there are people you really get along with and accept you for who you are. They won’t ask you to change and will be supportive of you.

• He isn’t worth your time and effort. Now you can focus on others who actually care about you as a friend.

• I am sorry you are going through this. He must have meant a lot to you as a long time friend and you must be feeling really hurt right now. Bear in mind that he might be uncomfortable with his own orientation. It’s call projecting in psychology…nothing to do with you. In this day and age, there will be a lot of other people who are accepting of you. Chin up, you’ll have better experiences

Became a sugar daddy because I’m lonely and disabled.

With my level of disability and being social in person is nearly impossible.

I can’t really go to bars/hold a job/do anything socially, I run into people just walking down the street, and let alone being in a dark bar. Doesn’t work out well even with me trying several times. Nearly got into a fight once over it.

So I tried dating apps – those are a joke. Too few of women and too many guys. Hard to stand out.

So I found sugar dating sites – sifting through the undesirables is easy enough. I’m early 20s so I purely wanted women my age.

During all this I basically had a new girl every weekend, met some cool hippy chick, and eventually met a girl I really liked. Well 3 actually. Chose one and let the rest go.

Sure it cost me quite a bit but the pool of women was amazing. Ever since covid it’s been dead though and I’m lonely again.

Just thought I’d leave this here for any other guys with disabilities that there’s options out there if you can afford it.

Oh and there was lots of bed activities, if you know what I mean. Some quite good – some quite bad. It’s a box of chocolates.

I’ve had an affair with my neighbour for 4 years

Considering how closely people live in SG, its kinda surprising how rare cases of affairs involving neighbors are. At least based on what i managed to hear of.

We’re both married and have been having this affair for the past 4 years. It all started with a simple gesture to help her with groceries from then we begun texting and eventually come to this stage of weekly “meetups”. Covid and WFH arrangements made it easier for us to conduct the deeds. Her husband and my wife do not get to WFH unlike us. I have no kids while her kids are in school in daytime. There was one incident where the husband came unexpectedly to bring lunch and i had to hide in the shelter before finding the chance to make my exit while he went to the toilet. Luckily we finished the deed before that, phew..

As to our own partners, we’re both just no longer feeling the connection with our respective partners and this relationship just rekindled the love that was missing in this stage of our lives. My wife’s turned into the kind that easily lose temper. She used to be kind and we would fix mistakes and work towards goals together, but now she’s just nagging daily, using work as justification.. i’m working too.. so what gives??

On the other hand, my neighbor would complain to me that her husband is always preoccupied with all the other things other than her, could be friends, colleagues, work, games, etc. I see my neighbor with her husband near the block from time to time, always wondering how he could neglect such a lovely wife. Not that it matters, since i can be the one keeping her company and happy.

I would suggest to introduce myself to the husband but she would always reject the idea as it is risky and her husband would pay more attention to me. I know many of you will simply say “why not divorce and marry each other?” yeah well, first off she’s got kids which is not something I’m comfortable with handling and those kids will be much better with their own parents. second of all, going over the divorce procedures and exposing ourselves to close friends and relatives as a two-timer isnt exactly something we want, gotta keep a good rep.

Anyway we expected other neighbors to eventually catch on with our affairs and then we’ll see what happens from there. Or they may have actually already known and chosen to keep mum about it, respecting privacies.. Who knows?