My boyfriend has been unemployed for too long and I’m tired. Well, I love my boyfriend, he is caring, supportive, funny, he is everything.

But since I met him, he was (and still) unemployed.

He is a good profile, speaking 3 languages with a master degree, but the pandemic ruined his career.

for the past 18 months he has been looking for a job, and I’ve been supporting him emotionally and financially (and I’m not complaining).

Except that lately I kinda feel tired, I started feeling the weight of this responsibility (knowing that I just started my career too)

I LOVE him so much, and I don’t wanna hurt him at all, but I dunno how to tell him that I’m tired, and I want a normal relationship, where my boyfriend can take care of me too,

I’m not a gold digger or something, I just want to know how to share this with him without hurting his feeling.

Hi everyone, I really need some advice on how to cope with working hours. Ok, so abit of context.

Im from SG and graduated here. However, I moved overseas to a Nordic country to work for several years and just moved back here and I simply cannot cope with the much harsher working conditions back home.

Here’s some fact about my previous employment:

– My income is approx SGD$13000-ish when converted (but do not be fooled into thinking thats high because taxes are 46% here and the cost of living here is much much higher)

So even though Ill be taking a 5k pay cut if I move back, after taxes and CPF, I’m still better off in Singapore.

I had no problems finding a job here because it is an industry Singapore is just starting to venture into and thus, most companies lack experienced workers in said field whereas my country of employment has had decades of experience with it.

Now here’s the problem. I have to start at 8.30am and I realised that I’m only going home at 7+pm and I even have to come back on weekends! I know this sounds normal to most people but it really is not for me. Technically speaking, this would be my first employment in SG so I’m telling myself things will get better once I’m used to the lifestyle back home (after all I freaking lived and studied my entire life here) but I really can’t. Its just too big a jump.

Previously, my working hours were from 8.30am to 4.30pm with a 1.5 hour lunch/nap break in between and we are mandated by law to be provided with a minimum of 24 weekdays of paid leave per year (which companies are required to extend to a minimum of 25 days after 5 years of employment). Here the leave I get is barely enough for me to get a break!

So I’m asking how do I cope with the working hours here? Will I get better with time? because I truly feel MISERABLE working here. Maybe I just became weak after working in a country with good labour laws.

Here are what netizens think:

• verything is about opportunity costs. When you said pay is better off, you aren’t really better off in this way. Bcos in terms of time, work arrangements, you’ll need to do more. So by getting a higher pay, lower taxes you’ll need to pay the opportunity costs of having longer work hours. Its now up to you if you want to sacrifice your time in return for money isn’t it? Happiness vs Money vs Time. Which is your priority in life?  in any case there’s always trade offs.

• Given the high and extremely progressive income tax in Nordic countries, it is rational for them to take more leisure and less work.Given the low and less progressive income tax in Singapore, it is rational for us to take less leisure and more work.Its all about making rational decisions for the people in both countries.

• Well, I work for a Nordic company in Singapore and I also have experience working overseas hence understand what you are saying.Work life balance is supposedly better in Nordic companies (Swedish/Finnish/Danish). But still if based in Singapore, you need to manage your expectations to put in more. You cannot expect to get paid better and yet expect the same benefits. It doesn’t work that way.Manage your expectations, or otherwise, you need to go back to where you were. Singaporeans are known to be resilient in adversity. Give yourself some time, and I’m sure you will slowly get used to be home

My friend is a kindergarden school teacher and got a job as a nanny for extra income. She’s taking care of a special needs girl, 8-years-old, every Monday, Thursday, Friday, and every other Saturday.

She only works 6 hours a day but most of that time is spent taking Ellie to swim classes, dance, gymnastics, tutoring on Saturdays. She also makes around $1,000 a week, which comes out to approximately $47 an hour (I did it over a two-week period, so $2,000/42 hours over the two weeks).

The mom even comes home early more often than not and she’s still paid for the full scheduled time. And if something comes up and my friend is asked to babysit last minute, she’s paid double for that day.

My fiancé and I have been together for 8 years (both age 30s) and due to be married in 3 months. We live together, and have known each other more than 10 years.

I have always been clear that I do not want to be with a partner who takes alcohol. I have never tried anything more than alcohol, and drink only on special occasions a few times a year (weddings, birthdays.) I have a history of addiction in my family, and have seen the effects, so always knew I wanted to be with someone who did not take alcohol. I know my partner has drink alot in his early 20s in poly prior to our relationship becoming serious, but he promised me that he had quit when I told him I was not okay with being someone who takes alcohol like a daily dose of vitamins C.

A neighbour came to our unit this morning as they had found my fiancé’s phone in their plants (they asked if they were his because the car brand of the key matched the car), and my fiancé told me that he took a few drinks last night at a friend’s house while I was at work. He can’t remember what happened after that, or how his belongings ended up there?

I am devastated. Firstly, my fiancé knows where I stand with alcohol use. Secondly, we have just moved into this house together and I am so embarrassed at how my neighbours may look at us now. We have never met these neighbours before.

Our wedding is in 3 months, and we were planning on having a child fairly soon after this. I am not okay with alcohol use in a partner. My partner does not take alcohol at all previously or he has kept it from me, and is very apologetic about his actions, saying he won’t do it again.

I don’t know if I can trust him on this, and feel like we have different views on alcohol use that is incompatible. I understand everyone has their own limits, but I feel this is a dealbreaker for me.

I am thinking of breaking up, but wanted to get advice on if we can move forward from this?

Whenever I try to speak to my colleagues about the problems of women, most of them just brush it off. I’m sick of hearing that women have it easier than men because almost every single day I feel so uncomfortable near them.

Sometimes is the older dude who stares at me in the bus or some random guy who stops me on the street, trying to get to know me. Other times I know I’m being followed by some weird dude. Or if I need some help with any small thing, I feel that they think I owe them so much in return.

In all of my relationships, I’ve felt extremely replaceable. I’m so sick of emtpy promises, one guy told me he had serious thoughts about me, talking about meeting my parents, going on trips with my family…and a few days after I got woken up by his girlfriend,(that I knew nothing of), messaging me like crazy. I’ve been cheated on a lot, I’ve been made to feel worthless by past partners and in general, I feel like men treat me like I am way waaay below them. I did a lot of things for my partners, but they didn’t really show any appreciation.

I would call myself a feminist, I always feel very good and safe near women that I even don’t know that well, but sometimes I feel really bad and unsafe near the men that I know.

My question is…how can I be taken seriously and respected? How can I feel safe? Is it possible to trust men again after all this experiences? I still want to have my own family one day, but I also want to be treated the way all women should be treated: with appreciation, esteem and politeness.

Here are what netizens think:

• Ditch the boyfriends for awhile. Take Tae Kwon Do and continue until you can break a board with your hand and your foot or start training to either walk or run a marathon. Do something physical that requires your persistence, goal setting and perseverance — while also improving your physical well being. Or, start seeing a therapist for your low self esteem. Any of these idea will help you feel better about yourself from the inside out.

• How about changing to another job since you colleagues are not treating u like an equal

• Meet new people and find someone who treats you respect.

A netizen shared a story about how her husband keeps asking her “you like that?” when they are “doing it” in bed and it is annoying her.

Here is what she said

I have been married to my husband for more than 5 years, and at the start, our relationship was pretty hot and we would have intercourse quite often.

He would often talk dirty to me in bed while we were doing it, and at the start it was quite a turn on for me.

He would choke me and spank me in bed, and we would try out toys and ropes, tying each other up and going crazy.

But over the years, it seems like he is running out of ideas and nowadays, our bedroom activities are getting stale and he can’t satisfy me in bed anymore.

I am also starting to get very annoyed with him in bed because when he talks dirty to me, he keeps asking me “you like that? you like that?”

He would go on asking me that for the entire duration until he finishes, I can’t stand it anymore. And he has been asking that every time we do it for years.

For context, I recently started therapy and I’ve been addressing a lot of the issues I had with my ex. I’ve come to realise he was bad to me in many ways. It’s been six months since we broke up, but I’ve only been no contact with him for a month.

Last night, for the first time in a while, I decided to go out to a club with some friends. I spent the whole evening getting ready, really feeling myself and listening to music as I did it. I picked out an outfit that I loved. I felt comfortable in my skin; I’ve gained weight since I left my ex, mostly due to the medications I’m on to cope with my mental health issues, but I thought it sat well on me. I couldn’t help but smile. I felt like a woman.

I met up with my friends at a party first. I was so confident, I talked to everyone with ease, laughed and didn’t worry about “getting too drunk and embarrassing myself”, like he always said I did.

Things went sharply downhill when I got to the club. I feel so ashamed for saying this, but it really stung seeing all these girls getting approached and no one even looking at me.

It was like everything my ex said about me was true. I am too chubby. My face is round and childish. I don’t have the light, the magnetism, whatever it is to attract someone. (Yes, these are all things he said to me). There’s nothing special about me, guys notice me a lot but they rarely approach.

I felt lost in the crowd. I thought “at least if I was with him, I’d have someone to dance with,” and like an idiot I missed him. I know he didn’t really love me, but it was a least nice to have someone want me in some way.

When I got home I cried and cried and cried. My ex cost me all of my confidence and I don’t feel like I’ll ever have it back. I feel so dull and plain, and yet at the same time so abnormal. Ugly, is the word. He was incredibly focused on my appearance, to the point he got me addicted to stimulants and actively hid food from me so I’d get skinny.

He never once called me beautiful, stunning, pretty etc. Just hot, and that’s if I was lucky. If I’d pissed him off he’d call me a fat piglet, and he’d make a point of staring at me like there was something wrong with me or my outfit when we went out, kind of sneering at me. And then he’d go flirt with someone else, someone who never looked anything like me. Blonde, tall, skinny, tanned.

How did you guys deal with self-esteem issues? I’m at a total loss. And yes, I will be talking to my therapist about this, I’d just like to hear some accounts from people who’ve been there

My (26F) mom passed away at childbirth, so it was pretty much my father (50M) and me, with the occasional visits from my grandparents (from both sides), since I lived with just him, I took on a more masculine style and likings, like ”one of the boys” but the only boy was my father. I was Rexy (for T-rex, because I was obsessed with them for years), I had no barbies (he bought me a few but I was like ”ew), and I had almost 0 dresses or skirts, he also did my hair really awful every time.

When I was around 12, he began dating this woman called Maria who had a daughter (15 at that time) named Stacy, while Maria was a total sweetheart, Stacy was horrible. She tortured me for not looking like ”a girl should do”, for liking ”man stuff” like cars, bikes and stuff like that, I have to admit that I also didn’t had many friends while growing up (neither female or males) so my person was my dad, and as I grew up I got involved with what he liked. To make things short, Stacy would often throw awful comments about me being a boy, a weirdo, etc and my dad would do these same comments in a slightly different way, but they hurt me more because he was confirming that while Stacy was ”his daughter”, I was his ”son”. What broke my heart was that he called Stacy ”Peach” like Mario’s princess while I was T-Rex.

I did a 180° in my looks at 15, I brought dresses, skirts and dyed part of my hair a sweet pink which made Stacy laugh at me even more and my dad was like ”woa! Pink? that’s for girls”. In my 16th birthday, Stacy put black dye in my shampoo and ruined my whole look, I guess it was the stick that broke the camel’s back because I cried so horrible to the point of not breathing and I told my dad in front of Maria and Stacy what she had been done all of those years, along with my dad awful remarks and subtly enabling Stacy’s awful comments.

In the end, he left Maria and Stacy because it was obvious there was no going back for me after that, he eventually married my now step-mom when I turned 20. My dad apologized, we talked about it and a year after that we attended therapy until I was 24 I don’t like to talk about it, I think it broke my relationship with my dad in a way we will never be able to fix, I know he doesn’t have my back.

Yesterday, while talking he tried to joke about it and I said that I didn’t want to remember it because I’ll never forgive him for joining Stacy in her terrible ways, he said it couldn’t be possible that I’m still holding a grudge, I say I am, and that I always will because he absolutely broke my heart and confidence, he tried to argue, but my step-mom said that he needed to let go because my feelings are my feelings. I still cry when I remember it, but he says I’m an AH because he left them and made amends with me.