S assaulted at 14 – should I report this 16 years later?

I was s assaulted by my ex-colleague when I was 14 years old while working for those part-time job. It has scarred me ever since and I can’t seem to overcome the trauma.

His siblings are still on my social media and sometimes I search to find out how my predator is doing. He is married with a child and looks happy. I cannot forget the day when he tricked me into a secluded corner thinking it was some surprise celebration.

The worse thing is he did not only assault me once but twice. I was too young and scared to tell anyone then. He told me he did it because he love me and that screwed up my mind and perception of love. After that, he said he did it because every guy in his secondary school has already done it.

I remember I did not fight back and froze in terror. The smell, the moment is still vivid and I sometimes freeze if I smell something similar to that moment.

I definitely have mental illness after that as I am often thinking to take my own life. Sometimes I feel like I should have reported him to the authorities. Is it too late? Will anyone believe me? Can I see justice done?

What will happen to his baby?

I feel so much misery. Seeing a private mental health professional costs $200 per hour. I tried going to IMH and got referred to a psychiatrist and psychologist but the psychiatrist/psychologist kept looking at the clock or watch. I hated how they ask me to rate my emotions on a notepad. Stupid SOP.

It definitely didn’t work.

I also got referred to a community Center counsellor and she ask me to look at the flame in the candle to have peace or listen to the sound of water. What kind of bull sheet is that?!

When I started work, there were incidents when male colleagues tried to kiss me or ask me to go and bring them around at night. I dress conservatively and work hard, so is this a common and normal thing?

So many problems and no one to turn to.

My bestie girl friend often goes ‘MIA’ whenever she feels down. What should I do?

We knew each other for 10 over years since pri sch. Grew up & experience life tgt. Can talk about anything and everything. My comfort zone and a really good friend. We’re the low-key kind of friendship-knowing that even if we don’t see each other for months or years we’ll always be in each other’s heart.

The only thing I dislike about her is that she’s an over thinker and tends to be abit more negative. She gets emo and affected easily. Hence, sometimes hanging out with her tends to affect me as well due to the ‘negative vibes’ around her.

Also, She oftens ‘MIA’ on WhatsApp/ IG etc whenever she feels down or a need to ‘take a break’ to be alone & won’t reply to anyone’s messages.

As a good friend, I try to stand in her position and do know that it’s just her healing & coping mechanism. It’s a way for her to heal herself. However I just dislike the ‘MIA’ part as I can’t be always the one waiting for her to be back in the friendship and MIA whenever she feels like.

I cherish our friendship but it’s hard for me to understand her actions & it’s affecting me. But I don’t think it’s good to tell her this because everyone deals with things differently.

I really love her as my bestie. Even though she tries to fix her mentality issues to be more positive there’s still a ‘negative’ aura around her (idk how to explain) and I rlly dislike the negative aura around her as I do get affected as well.

Do y’all have any good friend that are like this? What should I do? Should I continue this friendship?

My boyfriend proposed and I’m not sure how to tell him that I don’t want to marry him for now

So, long story short: me (28F) and my boyfriend (30M) first met around 3 years ago, became really good friends, and we’ve been together for 2 years and 6 months now.

For context, I am not from here and I left home to come here to work.

last week he proposed, and I’m not sure how to tell him that I don’t want to marry him for now, but it doesn’t mean that I won’t want it in the future, and it doesn’t mean that I don’t love him – I absolutely do.

The reason why I don’t want to marry him for now is because I believe is still too soon to make a decision like that.

I mean, this wouldn’t be just getting married. To move permanently here I’d be leaving all my life behind – family, friends, and etc.

I love him and I’ll miss him like crazy, but I believe our best option for now is for me to go back home, try long distance relationship, and see how it goes.

Again, like I said, I’m not sure how to word things in a way of making explicit that this is not a “no”, this is a “no for now”, and don’t hurting him.

My husband and I are recently married and every so often he will hit me in the face or head pretty hard while we are falling asleep.

I didn’t think much of it at first, and assumed he was just an active sleeper, but I am starting to wonder if there is a pattern here that I was missing before.

For example, some nights when we go to bed he is super relaxed especially if we got intimate and he will fall asleep quietly with no groaning or throwing hands.

However I’m noticing that when he is annoyed about anything, especially when I don’t want to do it with him, he will be very agitated through body language as we are going to sleep. (shaking his leg, hitting the bed with his hand, heavy sighing/ breathing, and creating a tense environment sometimes for hours.)

I also want to note that we get intimate at least 6/7 days per week but that’s not enough, he wants it 2x daily & super rough for him to finish.

Last night I told him I was too tired to do it and he seemed annoyed. As we were falling asleep he hit me square in the face enough for it to scare me.

I yelled “babe!”? He looked to be asleep, but I am starting to think he is trying to cover for it and could possibly know what he is doing.

I also was not giving into his advances this morning before work and he elbowed me in the eye “on accident” and said “he barely touched me”.

Its all really vague the way it happens and is causing me confusion. This has happened a strong handful of times before and I am just starting to get more suspicious.

When he is frustrated he will also just be very loud as I am trying to fall asleep sometimes for hours sighing heavily, and grunting/ just making a ruckus almost to keep me awake on purpose.

Has anyone heard of anything like this before ? I am trying to decide how to approach the conversation or whether to bring it up at all.

I am a recent grad and have been working for a big company for about a year in an office job. Feeling really mentally stressed and burnt out. I have been wanting to change some job which I am overqualified for, like a diploma level job or a blue collar job like plumber or carpenter.

I feel that companies in sg have overly high demands on employees in degree white collar jobs. We usually have to multitask and take on a wide jobscope. On top of that, we still have CCAs like organising meetings and events, writing minutes, being in some commitee etc which everyone have to do on top of their already packed jobscope. Because of all these demands, I often have to work overtime or do extra work at home to clear my load. I have known from my many friends that this is very common across many different companies and industries.

I envy those in non-degree jobs such in admin or support roles or blue collar ones who only need to focus on one jobscope and their work is quite routine. They can usually leave on time, don’t have to bring work home and don’t need to do much CCAs. If I join these jobs, I surely will need to take a big paycut but hey, life isn’t just all about work right? Many of these people work these jobs their whole life and are able to support a family, buy a house etc.

Here are what netizens think:

• Changi Aviation industry have a lot of mid to blue collar job. Comfortable environment too. Pay range from 2k to 4k plus. Technology or white collar 3k to 5k range.

• It’s ultimately down to whether u’re ok with it… And u REALLY gotta be ok with it cos it could be a path of no return…U take that path, u find the pay too low, u’re gonna face challenges if u wanna transition back to a grad position cos employers will wonder why the heck u took a paycut to do a brain-dead job in the first place. It would be time wasted.Not all employers will be willing to let u “try”. And after doing “relaxed” jobs for awhile, u’ll find it even harder to adjust back to a demanding, high-pressure environment.Not to mention that u would have lost years of experience, and you would be starting in the same level as fresh grads younger than u and more hungry than u.

• Be a tutor, stress free work.

I’m not proud to say this so I will share this story anonymously. I needed some advice as I feel kind of wrong doing this.

I managed to pay for my $20,000+ degree in 2 instalments. My classmates knew that I do not come from a well to do family and they wondered how did I manage to pay for my degree in two instalments.

I often lie to them and tell them that I saved up alot of my earnings but when I go out with them… The way I spend money sometimes gave it away.

The truth is… it started out as an innocent waitressing job and I eventually became a hostess as the money was good. But I got greedy and tired from working as a hostess as I’m often drunk.

Studying for a degree is not easy and there are always endless assignments to submit and the deadline is always tight. While drinking with some customers, I told a few of them of my situation and some of them advised me to stop working as a hostess while some others told me to “tahan”

One of the customers actually offered me a deal, he said that I can quit my job and focus on my degree. I asked him “then how would I pay for my degree?”

He said that the deal was to give me a $2,000 allowance a month to be his “girlfriend”. I asked if he is asking me to be his “SugarB”. He said yes… So I asked what I needed to do, he said

“everything a girlfriend does with her boyfriend”

I was tempted but I rejected him.

Degree soon became a lesser concern

Months went by and the stress from studying was getting higher and higher, I met the same guy at the pub again and somehow this time he convinced me. I feel like a soulless doll when he was using me but the money was good.

After 2 months, I felt that I can earn much more than that and I started to do freelance and eventually MIA from that customer.

Freelancing was earning me even more, within a few months I could not only pay up my degree’s fee but also buy good things for myself. I started to think… even with a degree, I will not come close to earning this kind of money until I’m old.

By the time I’m old, I don’t have the energy to have fun anymore. Now I’m thinking should I finish my degree or just do freelance till I can afford my own property. I am really confused, a bit of me is feeling disgusted with myself. But I can’t say no to money.

I regret having a child

My baby boy is 4 months old and perfect. I wanted to start a family and I bet on the wrong man. While I was pregnant, he became violent.

After my baby was born I tried to steer the relationship to a healthier dynamic and he instead got violent.

Now I’m a single mom, I have to retrain for a new job at the same time I’m taking care of a child and suing my ex so he can never take custody away from me, but honestly? I’d gladly give custody to somebody else.

People say I should be glad I got the baby and that’s all that really matters and I disagree.

My life before was better. I hate my life so much now. I hate having to depend on others, I hate having to raise a child by myself, I hate being judged for trusting that bastard, about how he hurt and humiliated me.

I feel bad for my son. He does not deserve a mother who views motherhood as some kind of punishment. He does not deserve to grow up without a dad. This is not how I envisioned starting a family.

Women, if you’re planning to have a baby, only do it if you’d be OK with raising that child all by yourself. Because when things get hard, men get to just leave. You don’t.