Don’t ask couples when they are having kids.

I am 25 and my wife is 25. 2 years ago my wife had ovarian cancer and had to get her ovaries removed to get rid of the cancer and as such we will never be able to have our own biological kids.

My wife has still not emotionally recovered from this and constantly insists that I should be with someone that can give me children.

I have been in support of my wife since we got married and biology means little to me when there is thousands of kids desperate for parents.

What gets me is the fact when people ask my wife and I in a group when we plan on having kids in a jokey way.

My wife has to make a joke and put on a face so as not to sour the mood but that night she will be in tears all over again that she cannot have her own kids.

Seriously people. You have no idea what challenges couples face and its no ones business when people decide to have kids.

Whether you meant not to be offensive is not the point.

I just had to get that off my chest. We are facing a lot of emotional damage and inconsiderate people set the rails off sometimes.

Thank you for reading my story.

How is $1.1m a fair valuation of an 3-bed EC that just TOP?

It has come to the point where my soon-to-be ex-wife and I drop the bomb. Effect the divorce proceedings and move on with our lives. So she got a bank valuation of $1.1m for our 3-bedroom EC that just TOP. How is this a fair value? Since she is buying over my share, do I just accept it and sell it to her?

Here are what netizens think:

• Bank valuation is for the purpose of evaluating security over a loan. In other words, they will take the most conservative (ie lowest) value of the property, so that if you default on the mortgage, they are confident that they can seize the property and recover the full value of the loan. Unfortunately, it is not easy to determine the true market value of a newly TOPed project due to MOP preventing any sale for 5 years. Try speaking to an insurer to get an insurance valuation (theoretically they would look at replacement value), or a property agent, or in the worst case get a formal valuation from a valuer. But that would cost money. Sometimes, its better to just accept it and move on.

• There is no professional valuation. That guy would just check property guru and see what others are sold or listed, then just put an in between value for your property. Your 5 year old can do that too.

• Sell it, divide the proceeds and go separate ways. More important is not to get in such a situation again.

• You know property valuation is singapore is not regulated right. Lol, anyone can do the valuation just by getting a license. But the basis of valuation is not properly governed. Go get a 2nd opinion

Married couples, how to avoid bringing your stresses home?

The stress can be from work or school. When I was young, my dad and mum would occasionally come home in a bad mood because of work or other reasons and they would argue heatedly. Being the only daughter, I didn’t really understand what was going on since I didn’t have an older sibling to seek advice from.

I stepped into the working world several years ago and I realised that it is indeed hard to leave my emotions and stress at the door. Just fought with my hubby over reasons unrelated to him (I told him that I just want to be left alone). I explained to him that it is not his fault that I am upset but he is finding it hard to accept

How do you avoid bringing your stress home? Also, how do you deal with a partner who is extremely stressed from work?

Netizens’ comments

1. Both of us are the type of people who need to vent. So I will complain to him and he will complain to me. For me, I’m the kind of person who must let it out so I will complain and complain and complain and then I’m ok already. He knows he just needs to sit there and listen and let me vent.
   As for him, he also needs to vent. Sometimes I will ask him if he wants me to provide a solution or he just wants me to listen. If he just needs to vent then he just vents and I just make comments that I agree with what he’s saying. But sometimes he wants advice so I will give my perspective.
   Personally I think most people cannot just let go of work the moment they go home, for Singaporeans it’s a big part of our lives so just need to see what your spouse wants from you? To vent and then be calm afterwards or what. Most important is they must communicate to you
2. I lower my stress in the office. I switch to slower pace job with less career growth. I was becoming this grouchy parent to my children and I didn’t want that.
   Even after some counselling sessions, I still relapse and get triggered. Growing up, negative feeling was considered bad and everyone either suppressed it and exploded from time to time without resolving it. I felt blamed cos I felt like my parents had to work so hard for me. Especially when they told me how hard they work, or that they had to work to buy me toys. I stopped asking for toys or anything actually.
3. I’m someone who is good at this according to my husband. He asked me why I’m not salty about work and life when I’m almost 40. And I’m like, because my life is not about work. I separate work from my personal life and leave my work emotions behind when I’m done with it.
   My life is not just work. I have other more important things to enjoy in life. Work is just a means to pay for things. And if I’m not happy at work, I quickly find ways to remediate it.
   My husband is the opposite. As salty as the Pacific Ocean. And he brings work stress to our day to day. And it’s easy to spot. Usually when that happens, I’ll ask me if he had a bad day at work. What is stressing him out. Make him away that he’s nagging and being difficult at the moment. Ask him to be aware of his emotions at that point in time.
   I think communication is key.

old woman with loud video on phone

i’m sitting at my block’s pickup point alone minding my own business, waiting for my grab. old woman sits a few seats away and immediately takes out her phone to blast her music, shattering the quiet with buddhist sutra songs.

it’s on full volume- you can tell as the speaker is buzzing and clipping. i don’t have a problem with buddhist sutra songs, it’s the sheer inconsiderateness i mind.

so i take out my ipad and play bach organ music at full volume. she gives me a dirty glare, i just smile.

after a minute of being drowned out, she turns her phone music off. i do too. peace and quiet returns. she’s still staring daggers at me as i get into my grab.

Netizens’ comments

1. Are you the Angel? Yes you are!
   If I could call the gods to smite every loud music playing boomer, I would.
2. I had a neighbour who played loud buddhist chanting music at least twice a day, once in the morning and at night, but fortunately i am off to work in the morning, and he doesnt make such a ruckus in the night time after numereous complaints about his habit.
   I once confronted him about his need to chant loudly and he told me with no bullshit that he has to chant aloud so that the higher being can hear him.
3. I hate people who blast music loud like that in public but one day I was curious so I went to ask this uncle to turn down the volume and asked why he is hearing music on such a high volume. He told me he is partially deaf so he can’t hear hence the loud volume. But it probably never occured to him that it was too loud for people nearby. He apologised and I felt a bit bad for asking him to turn It off.
4. I used to do such passive-aggressive stuff when I was younger but nowadays I just mind my own business because I don’t have the time and energy to spend on conflicts now.
5. Been there done that. Let them taste their own medicine. I’ve blasted full volume in the train due to a boomer blasting his phone off.

Image source: mailer_diablo via Wikipedia Commons

What are somethings you enjoy in Singapore but don’t exist overseas

Did you know… washrooms in EU countries cost $$$ ?

Yes some toilets in Singapore charge $0.10,0.20 but by and large these are minority. You can easily find a free toilet at coffeeshop/malls

In the UK, restaurants toilets have passcode, you must purchase something and get the receipt to get the passcode

At the bus terminal? At petrol station? You assume toilet is free. They are charging anywhere onwards of SGD 1.50

Another thing that most people will miss is definitely the closing time. Their supermarket(commonly coop) mostly close at 6:30pm AND close whole day on Sunday

Netizens’ comments

1. Double mcspicy upsized with curry sauce
2. walking alone at night, midnight and you are safe.
3. No need to pay tips
4. Well I’m glad you ask me this question first thing in the morning!
   – The streets and the train stations don’t smell like piss (underdeveloped countries but also Paris, New York, etc.). No open sewage smell like many other countries as well.
   – Peaceful, harmonious living among vastly different ethnicities and cultures. The four main ethnicities in Singapore came from four major civilisations: Chinese, Indian, Islam, and Western. How cool it is. You would expect major clash of civilisations but here we are, drinking teh si and eating prata together.
   – Stable politics. Even if you don’t like PAP, they make life very predictable in Singapore. No government shutdowns, strikes, demonstrations, riots, etc. when everything stops working.
   – Zero drugs tolerance that is actually enforced.
   – CPF forced saving – this is controversial but I for one appreciate this aspect; after many years looking back I wouldn’t have been able to save much without this.
   – Integrated public transport at your doorstep (for most people): MRT, bus, taxis, car rentals, bike rentals, PCNs.
   – A government that ACTUALLY works for the interest of the public. Some people may not agree but try to live in other countries for a few years and see. There are very few countries I feel is on par, may be the Swiss and the Scandinavian.
   – Police that greet me and smile and call me Sir.
   – A lot of free and top-notch public facilities: toilets, libraries, museums, concerts, parks, walk ways, community spaces, nature’s parks. (When they are not free, they cost next to nothing: public swimming pools, public gyms, etc.)
   – Trees, trees everywhere, beautiful, well-cared trees. Also, grass everywhere. It’s hard to find a piece of dirt land not covered by grass in Singapore.
   – Nice, honest, well-educated, respectful people.
   – Almost no homeless people.
   – Low taxes: no capital gain tax, low income tax compared to developed countries of the same level of wealth, low GST compared to many countries. No tip.
   – Public housing done right. Say what you want, they are good quality, airy, with nice layout, with good facilities (lifts, fitness corners, green spaces, pavilions, carparks with rooftop gardens, etc.) in thoughtfully planned neighbourhoods (with parks, PCNs, elderly care centres, childcares, kindergartens, food courts, clinics, etc.) and most people can afford to own them. And the layout of newer HDBs and planning of new towns are only getting better.
   – Safety. If you’ve lived in a country that is not safe, you’ll know how exhausting life can be. You need to spend like 20-50% of your energy and effort to ensure you’re alive and your stuffs are not taken from you. By safety, I mean: no snatching your bags on the street, no breaking in, no smashing car windows, no gun violence, no kidnapping of your kids or your dogs, the government not harassing you, no wars, no riots, no natural disasters, low traffic accidents. Seriously, as someone living in Singapore, there are not many ways to die or get yourself hurt apart from old age and sickness.
   Lastly, it’s really hard to find another country that has got so many things right.

Why is it acceptable to disrespect candidates?

I had my first interview with a company today, and I have never felt so strongly about an interview.

When I arrived at their office, I was told to complete a pre interview questionnaire. The questionnaire consisted of interview questions such as “what did you like about your previous job?” and “where do you see yourself in 3-5 years?”

I had a feeling the interview would go downhill from here because these should have been asked in my actual interview.

Well, after waiting 28 minutes (I told myself I’d wait 30 minutes because I already took the time to drive here) I was greeted by the hiring manager.

He immediately tells me that this is not a “real” interview, this is “matching the face to the resume”. He then proceeds to review my answers to the questionnaire, makes a few comments, and gives me an overview of the position.

No questions for me. No chance to ask him questions .This process took 3-5 minutes.

I was told I would be called to schedule a second interview if they are interested. Yeah, no. I withdrew my application on Indeed as soon as I got home, and I’m thinking of messaging them too.

How do people think this is ok? I wasted an hour of my day for a prescreening that should have been done over the phone or virtually.

This makes me not optimistic about the rest of my job search. Argh

Netizens’ comments

1. “Matching the face to the resume” sounds pretty discriminatory to me.
   To say nothing of “Hey come down for an interview jk this isn’t an interview” which is bad enough.
2. I met someone for a job interview at a coffee shop. She (the interviewer) was ten minutes late for a 30 minute interview (a stage one interview). Around when time allotted was up she was looking around for the next candidate and literally said “is she late? It’s not okay for her to be late. It’s okay for me to be late but not okay for her”.
3. i arrive 15 minutes early to interviews and give them until 15 minutes after the scheduled time before i leave.
   pretty disrespectful to someone to schedule them and be late to the time you set yourself.

Last Saturday I met that girl and we were dating since then. Yesterday it was our third date and we already were sending naughty messages the day before.

She is very open minded and I am very anxious in some aspects in life as dating. I’ve told her that I am very nervous since we met to let her know my feelings. She is a very caring and a wonderful girl in every aspect.

Normally I had the urge to pleasure myself at least once a day, before I met her. Now I do not even get random hard-ons anymore or when I look at hot girls or think about naughty things.

I think it comes from my permanent anxiety or nervousness when I have to think about her, it almost even keeps me awake at night.

So yesterday we made out and it was great but I felt no arousal. And half an hour later we were undressing and wanted to f but I could not get it up, it was absolutely impossible. I felt so destroyed and so ashamed of myself.

She said it is no big deal but I saw it in her eyes that she was a bit disappointed…

What is wrong with me and how can I lose this anxiety. I really like her and I have probably never met a girl that is so perfect in any way. I really do not want to miss the opportunity to get this to a relationship, if this will happen again…

I am thinking about using Viagra the next time, but I never used it. Just in case I will have the same problem again.

Is there anyone who can relate to and share their experience or does anyone have some ideas how to fix my mind and my situation.

I received a terrifying scam call today

Today I received a call from a Thai number and I picked up the call for the heck of it. The automated voice said a transaction of $900 was made on my non-existent UOB card, and to click 1 to approve, 0 for operator.

I clicked 1.

I expected to hear someone speak to me in Chinese, but instead, a clearly Singaporean male voice responded in proper English.

I said, “why are you doing this? Do you feel proud of scamming our older aunties and uncles of their money?”

It was met with an initial silence, and he followed it up with, “no, no. You don’t understand.”

I tried to press for more information, but he kept repeating that he “could not say much now.”

“Is someone monitoring your calls?” I asked.

“Yes… yes,” he said in a tone as though he was responding to a professional query.

He managed to tell me that he was in Thailand.

“You mean like someone kidnapped you and you’re being forced to do this?” I asked, knowing that he was basically limited to basic yes/no answers.

“Yes… yes,” he repeated in that professional tone again.

I asked him if I could help in anyway. I asked if there was any information he could give me that I could use to help. He said that I could not understand.

After a long pause, he hung the phone up.

I mean he could be bullshitting me the entire time, but wouldn’t he have just hung up sooner? If he wasn’t bullshitting, could there actually be Singaporeans in trouble, possibly stuck in foreign countries being forced into labour because of our ability to speak fluent English?

I dunno, I feel quite shaken by the call and I felt a genuine note of despair and honesty in his voice.