Growing up, I was taught to prioritize accountability, responsibility, and hard work. “Let actions speak louder than words,” has always been my core belief. However, after spending a couple of decades in the workforce, I’ve realized that good things come to those who take them, rather than those who wait. If you want it, ask for it, and take it. Most importantly, saying no to most people and standing firm in those decisions is paramount. I’ve spent my fair share of overnight hours and weekends laboring to build someone else’s castle. I was known for my hardworking and accountable attitude. All my colleagues knew that I wouldn’t give up until the last minute. If someone quit and no one else could pick up their work? People knew I would take it on, ensuring no delays. But I suppose, I won’t be taken advantage of anymore. It’s time to build my own castle instead of others’. If your castle falls because of your poor planning, I ain’t going down with you, for I know I can always build my own castle, anywhere, anytime.

And for those just starting out in the workforce, know that your relationship with your job is purely transactional/ give & take. There’s no such thing as you’re blessed by the employer with the job. They need something from you i.e your skills/capabilities thus they give you the role.

Here are what netizens think:

• Being transactional at work is not a bad thing. It prevents/limits one from getting too emotionally attached with the job. The job is not one’s identity. One does not stop one’s role as a spouse, parent or child after leaving or changing jobs. That’s the wrong perception to have.

• Nothing wrong with accountability, responsibility and hardwork, for me we are paid to work, so long work i can get it done within the 8 hours, i am fine. I had been a pain to the management, i always challenge their unfairness and injustice and even though i am really really good with everything i did, they will throw works to me last minute when other colleagues were assigned but cannot make it. I am ok with no promotion for years as i know i don’t suck up with them. I completed tasks that were meant for people who are much higher ranks than me and I am proud of myself. I live by my principles with no regrets. Life is never fair and that is life, we cannot control others but we can take charge of ourself.

• Colleagues who prioritise accountability, hard work and responsibility make the workplace, a place we spend most of our waking hours, a much better, happier, safer, and less hostile environment.

• That’s the reason why they said work smart, not hard

Did I fail as a man?

We are married for close to three years now and my wife told me she wasn’t getting satisfaction in bed with me. I have been trying hard since this is not the first time we have had this conversation.

She has previously as well, and now with reinforced confidence stated an alternative to this situation by opening our marriage to get her urges fulfilled elsewhere by other people.

Even though I am unopposed to the idea of third or perhaps fourth wheel I somewhat blame myself for this situation.

Netizens’ comments

1. Does she already have a specific person in mind?
2. Has she given you any specifics on things she’d like you to change/improve on? Cause if she hasn’t, I don’t know how you’re supposed to just guess.
   You haven’t “failed as a man”, imo. You seem kind, giving and willing to learn and please, and that’s everything anyone can ask or hope for. I’ve had a variety of partners, and the best ones were never the ones that boasted about how awesome and experienced they are, it was the ones that simply paid attention to my feedbacks!
3. Not really bro. It’s nowhere written that as a “man”, you need to be a King Kong in bed. Every person has a different meaning of satisfaction and it’s majorly solved by communication. You can say you failed as a partner, maybe? Because this feels more like a communication issue than a masculinity issue.
   But again, a lot of it depends on how your wife is in the communication part and if she has unrealistic expectations from you or if she’s actually interested in you!
4. “Fail as a man”? Probably not— you may have failed as a partner. Has she communicated what she would like from you to bring her satisfaction and have you made an earnest attempt at doing those things if they don’t cross boundaries?

I cried last night for a good reason

I’m a single 32 year old man. I don’t really know anyone. Anyway I’ve been working non stop lately (on my 10th day in a row and still have a couple more days to go before I get one day off).

Last night I just wanted to get my head clear and have some fun by myself. I went to the bar to play pool, and as I was shooting around this woman approached me.

She had a bouquet of flowers and she said she wanted to give them to me. At first I told her im sorry but I don’t have any extra money.

She laughed and said,” No you don’t understand. I just want to give you these flowers because men aren’t appreciated enough.”

I couldn’t believe it. I gave her a big hug and we parted ways. I went to the bathroom and cried. I’ve been feeling so tired and over worked and feeling like life is so pointless lately.

I work so hard and never get ahead. This gesture meant the world to me and I woke up this morning looking at those flowers, feeling ready for the day.

Whoever you are, thank you so much for the beautiful bouquet. It will be something I remember for the rest of my life!!

Netizens’ comments

1. A woman once told me I have beautiful blue eyes.
   This was 2001 and I was 21 years old.
   I’ve thought about it once every few months since then.
2. Exactly and when a women makes fun of a guy about his height and the guy makes fun of the woman about her weight to prove a point about the obvious double standard.
3. Nothing will change.
   You know why? Because this kind of a change would be not only inconvenient, but in many quarters, will be seen as outright misogyny.
   Take a look at anything that benefits a man – be it support services or psychological services – and if it in any way takes attention off of those same services for women, a giant uproar occurs that paints that change in attention as misogyny, because it takes attention away from women’s issues.
4. You as a woman, just give credit where credit is due. Express your appreciation to someone who is worth appreciating. That’s just basic life shit for decent human beings. That goes both ways for men and women. Just treat us equally with compliments or jokes as you would with either gender. 

Red flags to look out for on dates.

> Guys who fake their romantic intentions, and try to do hookups/FWB with you when you already strictly made it clear it’s a no to those before the date.

> Guys who lie about their height, real life being much shorter.

> Guys who say they want to marry you on the first (or first few) date(s).

> Girls who are more interested in knowing about your job, salary, car, instead of knowing more about you.

> Girls who expect you to pay for dates. In this day and age, should be 50-50.

> Girls who say that they “want to be a taitai”.

Here are what netizens think:

• It’s so embarrassing when a guy split the bills 50:50 with woman. He is not a man but a transgender.

• All three “red flags” you mentioned about the ladies are bright green flags for men looking for mistresses to keep. You need to broaden your horizons and not have such a limited world view.

• If you are having a good time, and the girl insisted to pay for her share, also know is over. When I didn’t like the guy, I will insisted paying for my share, just so he wouldn’t give the excuse of treating me back or I treating him back. I will pay for whatever I need to pay, or I pay for dinner, he pay for coffee after, but it ends there. Lol.

• I want to be Tai Tai ley. Only need shelter, food and enough money to use my whole life. Not too much to ask for ~

• It all comes to your intention to date

• Aiya say so much, talking about yourself isit?
  
• If just for a plate of food the guy has to split the bills 50:50 with a woman, how can you trust this guy to take care of you and the family. Very disgusting & embarrassing this cheapo stingy cheapskate guy

Lies we should stop telling young people

1. “If you put in the work, you will be successful!” – Hard work doesn’t guarantee anything. At best it puts you on the playing field with other just-as-hard workers. A big chunk of success comes down to connections, location, and luck.
2. “You need a degree to get a decent job” – You actually need way more than a degree to even be considered. You need certifications, previous experience, connections, and good old interview skills to boot (sorry introverts).
3. “It gets easier as you get older and gain more experience” – Lol. Lmao, even. You may think because you have experience getting and holding a job will be easier, but being complacent in a job means you’re falling behind on trends and will have a harder time finding the next position when you inevitably get laid off due to factors outside of your control. So “the grind” never ends. Plus as you get older, you no longer have that “young ambition” (exploitability) that companies want. Ageism is real.
4. “It will be worth it in the end” – Really question if spending all your life studying for a field only to get paid a mediocre salary while dealing with bosses and coworkers in a grey cubicle 40 hours a week is “worth it”. Missing out on your kids growing up, never having time to relax, spending an hour a day commuting, fighting tooth and nail just to be paid a livable wage, always trying to impress and never getting anything back. Sounds like the life, doesn’t it?

Anyone have more to add?

Netizens’ comments

1. “Your loyalty will be rewarded” – No it won’t you will be taken advantage of and expected to do more and more work and at the first sign you are burning out they will probably fire you and if you get an explanation, you weren’t working hard enough.
2. Here is a truth. That friend you know who landed a really good job out of school… well it was because their uncle was high up in that business. Always.
3. I love when “entry level positions” still require previous experience. Like my guy, YOU are my first experience
4. If you are too good or work too hard you make yourself unpromotable
5. Degrees open doors, but so does experience
6. As you get older opportunities will lessen, so seize the ones that present themselves
7. You’ll never be financially successful so prioritize other things like happiness, health and family
8. You are not a shareholder and no job matters once you have walked out the door

Had a data entry job for a year and now they’re insisting I start taking calls every day to ‘help out’. I’m honestly so gutted about this.

I know this sounds entitled and I should be grateful for any work (and trust me, I am) but I’ve worked in call centres for 7 years and been utterly miserable in them.

I finally spotted this amazing job which was purely data entry working from home and it has been the BEST job I’ve ever had.

I’ve been able to listen to music, have Netflix playing, have my family over, cook food, take a shower etc whenever I liked as long as I met their minimum hourly targets which I always have.

Yesterday they sent me a training link on Teams for calls and are expecting me to start taking them as the queues are insanely high. I’ve tried my best to ignore them and make up excuses but they’re not having it.

They’ve been harassing me with messages asking if I’m logged in and if I’ve taken calls, sending me tons of documents with scripts and FAQ’s and logins for all the other systems I need to use.

Looks like I’m now back to the call centre life.

Netizens’ comments

1. As someone who let my job role expand to stay off the phones, whenever they try to get me back in the call queue I professionally but firmly remind them that, “I made specific trades to remove phone work from my duties and I will be unable to accomplish my other vital functions if it returns.”
2. Sounds like they’re altering the deal. Are they also altering your paycheck to accommodate?
3. You are not “entitled.” You should not “be grateful for any work”. Your company is trying to radically re-structure your duties without any pay raise and without acknowledging they’re doing so. Companies do this all the time; they depend on people just “going with the flow”. I can’t speak to your situation, but if they ask you to do this without re-structuring your role to include additional pay, I’d ignore them for as long as I can. That link? Not working for you, sorry. Taking calls? Can’t be done with everything else needed, they’ll have to actually hire someone. Realistically, what can be done if you don’t take these duties on? You’re remote now and your current conditions are a PART of your compensation.

Pooping my pants while staring into my gf eyes

This was last night but I was hanging out with my girlfriend in my apartment, and I had to fart. She always asks me to fart somewhere else so she doesn’t have to smell it, so I went half way into the bathroom while having my head poke out of the doorway.

I thought it would be funny to stare at her while I farted, but instead of farting I pooped in my pants while making direct eye contact.

I haven’t done that in at least ten years so it only makes sense to happen when I’m making eye contact to my girlfriend of three months.

She laughed at me for a little while and so did I but I was still very embarrassed. Luckily she had seemed to forget about it but the horror I felt when I realized what shot out of me is still haunting me.

Netizens’ comments

1. Oh she didn’t forget it.
2. My dog used to do that all the time and I still love him.
3. now you must keep her or you will forever be the ex that pooped himself
4. I still look back fondly on the time when my girlfriend shit her pants. Obviously she’s not my girlfriend any more, because she’s my wife.
5. Unless you’re going to make this a regular thing, it’s shat.
6. I always tell everyone that shitting your pants once in a decade keeps you humble and grounded, whether it is by accident or on purpose. I did it between the ages of 0-10, I did it once between 11-20, and I did it once between 21-30. I’m now in my late 30’s. I have a couple more years to go, and have had a few close calls, but I’m due for a good pants shitting that’ll knock me back a few pegs and humble me for another decade or so.
7. I do my best to never judge people for things they can’t control, but I do have to ask: Is this common for you people? I haven’t shit myself since I was in diapers, and have never even approached a situation where that was possible. Is there an epidemic of poor bowel control happening that I’m not aware of?

Got laid for the first time in 10 months and it opened the floodgates. What do I do?

I (23M) have a not-very-close friend (25?F) who seemed like a good candidate for a FWB relationship. She seemed intelligent and trustworthy and not unattractive, but all the conversations we have are really flat and uninteresting.

One time I was driving her home from an event and she asked if I wanted to come in. I was totally not expecting it, and she seemed kinda drunk at the time, so I said no.

Two weeks later I asked if that offer was still on the table and we ended up doing it. It was… okay? Turns out women still feels really good, and she seemed to enjoy it a lot!

There was some weird stuff though:

1. the smell was fairly strong. I’m pretty sure I could smell her private parts as I was using her bathroom before we even had f-ed!
2. She made the same exact noise in a constant rhythm as I was thrusting. It was like I was hitting a button on each thrust, and it felt really fake.
3. After round 1 we found an M&M in her bed and she ate it??? (Yes I still went for round 2… I was already there, after all 😐)
4. She said she wasn’t looking for a romantic relationship because of some stuff she had to work through but “she would be open to” a romantic relationship with me

After the first nut, I had massive post-nut clarity and asked myself, “What am I doing here? I’m not interested in this person at all, just her body.”

She was my second partner, my first being a GF of 2 years. I realized I was kissing someone with whom I shared no emotional attachment, and that bothered me. But after cuddling for a while I got hard again and decided to get one for the road 🤪

At first I told her I’d have to see about hooking up again, because I felt really weird about my first time doing casual.

I got home and texted her that I didn’t think the whole FWB thing was for me. I laughed at and with myself about the whole experience and thought that would be the end of it. I was wrong.

I was in the mood again by noon the next day, and two days later I was so insanely turned on for several hours that I had leak through my underwear AND my shorts.

Thankfully I had a hoodie to hide the stain as I walked to the bathroom to get cleaned up! I felt like testosterone incarnate. It was genuinely scary!

I was so desperate I debated telling her I wanted to try again. I was 95% sure she’d say yes, and available (albeit odd) f-ing is still tempting.

I’ve also thought about Tinder to find a partner who I’m at least a bit more interested in, but when I tried serious dating on Hinge I got basically no interest and I don’t expect Tinder to be better.

Or I’m wondering if I should just move on and forget it all happened, even though I’ll still see this person about once a week elsewhere in my life.

There’s more to life after all. It just sucks because it’s a part of me that I might just be putting back on the shelf for months, if not years. But it’s so much more emotionally fulfilling with a real connection.