I’m single, unemployed, broke, in debt, living with my parents, about to turn 40, friendless, down on my luck, mental state dying, and miserable.

I don’t know what to do with my life. How can I possibly turn it around?

Netizens’ comments

1. I was single, unemployed, broke, in debt, 1 week from homeless, friendless, depressed and miserable at 37. Now I am 41, living with a wonderful man, employed, mostly broke, still in debt if they find me, and very happy with my virtual friends that I see occasionally. How did I do it, you ask?
   Determination. Stubborness. A will of iron borne of necessity.
   Choose your battle. What is most important to take care of first? For me, it was a place to live. I found the best I could afford that wasn’t a complete and total shithole in a week and took it.
   Next, it was a job. Every day, hours at the local library using the computers and applying for anything and stopping in at every business on the way to and from there and getting applications.
   I got a job in about two weeks. Started getting some money. I have promptly blown it every paycheck since then, but I get to eat, and now have a laptop, and a bed, and get my nails done as a perk so I’m ok with that.
   I made a few friends, some temporary because of situation, some that I reconnected with. I now had some money, so I sometimes went out with those friends. Through one of those friends, I met my boyfriend.
   Just start at the beginning. Once that ball starts rolling, everything else will fall into place.
2. I’m 40. When I was 36 I had just become single, unemployed, miserable, not in debt, but spent the next 20 months of my life draining my savings looking for a job and trying to keep my sanity.
   Those were my darkest hours where I didn’t have a clue as to what I should do with my life and sometimes seriously debating if I should jump off a bridge with a rock tied to my feet.
   Now I’m 40. I have a great job, great place to live, great girl, great friends, fun hobbies, more money in my bank now than when I was 36 and I’m in better health and shape than before.
   If you need hope, let me tell you that LIFE DOES/CAN GET BETTER. The light at the end of the tunnel isn’t always an oncoming train, but the tunnel can be very long, and very dark with a lot of dead ends. It may take you some time to find your way out.
   The secret to keeping sane, which I discovered AFTER getting a job, was the importance of having something to look forward in the form of a routine. People who have unlimited options with their time are likely to be the most miserable. Had I committed myself go going to the gym every day, signed up for some kind of class with social activity, I would have been further ahead and happier. Social isolation will kill you ever so slowly until one day you wake up and have no confidence to interact with another human being.
   The longer you’re off the grid, the greater the likelihood you will meet and associate with people who are stuck in an even bigger rut. Avoid them like the plague no matter how callous it sounds even though it sounds like a contradiction to what I said earlier about social interaction.
   The problem with being 40 is that it’s difficult to meet people socially at this age, and you’re probably not of the mind to hang out in bars, which can get rather depressing when you see the type of people who still hang out at bars at your age.
   Find a weekly hobby that you have to commit to several weeks at a time, that is progressive (has levels) and requires you to interact socially for extended periods of time whether you like it or not. It could be a dance class, or an improv class, culinary school, team sport, etc. You’ll feel like an outsider when you start, but once you start seeing the same people over and over again, it will feel more normal.
   As long as you feel like you are progressing in some manner and have some kind of interaction with normal human beings, you’ll be less depressed compared to staying at home and surfing the internet job boards every day wondering when that interview is going to come in.

Prison life in Singapore is not what you expect from other countries. I’m an ex-inmate, served 1 year sentence for drug offences. 6 months behind bars and 6 months tagged (House arrest).

It’s boring. You get only a mat to sleep, 3 sets of plain white shirt and shorts, a small towel, a roll of toilet paper, 2 blankets, a plastic mug, a plastic spoon, a small tub to contain water, a bar of soap with its container, a short blue toothbrush with gel toothpaste, a small pen and a container to fit everything in.

Each cell fits up to 8 people. The cells are just white walls with a grate type window and a squat toilet with a shower head fixed on the wall infront of it. No beds, TVs or any basic luxury here.

You sleep on the floor on a mat. ‘Pillows’ are self made by stuffing a blanket in a shirt and wrapping it up nicely. Muster checks are at 7am, 12pm and 6pm. Lights start to turn on everyday at 5am and switched off after every muster check is complete.

Meals (except for breakfast) are served in warmer plates. Colors of the plates depends on your diet needs. Green plates are your standard normal diet. Breakfast consists of 2 sandwiches (Butter/Jam) and a hot drink (Coffee/Tea) filled in your mug. Lunch consists of vegetarian food: Rice, tofu, beansprout etc.. Dinner is considered the heaviest meal: Rice, fishcake, chicken etc.. Fruits (Apple/Banana/Oranges) are included in every meal. Water is taken from the shower head to drink but water is shut off late in the afternoon and after 12am (Thank god for the tub). Food varieties changes every alternate days.

You spend 23 hours in your cell. At 2pm, they let you out of your cell to spend 1 hour to do activities. Every monday, wednesday and friday, you get to play sports. You get to watch movies every tuesdays and thursdays. 24 hours in cell every weekends. Every sunday, they’ll give you equipments to wash your cell and a shaver to shave your beards. You’ll also get a tablet everyday to send e-letters or play pre-installed games for 90 mins.

Depending on your conduct, you can go for classes in the afternoon.

There are also random cell checks every few weeks.

From my experience, it’s super boring but having other inmates makes life in prison a bit better. You can’t make poker cards or board games as it’s an offence but it’s whatever. Either be sane or insane. Song lyrics keeps us occupied along the way.

It’s not horrible. I’ve never heard a scene of “don’t drop the soap” but I’ve heard of arguments happening but not that frequent. The authorities here are very strict on such cases and will not tolerate such behaviour. I’ve seen people thrown into detention cell. Scooping of water from toilet bowls used to be a thing but that was wayyyy back.

Don’t commit any offence in Singapore. You’ll definitely regret it.

What is the most ridiculous excuse you’ve ever heard someone say after being caught cheating by their spouses?

Because I had a friend who got caught cheating by his wife, and he told her that it was an “accident” and he didn’t mean to do it.

What are some of the excuses that you’ve heard before?

Netizens’ comments

1. “it was an accident”
   Oh right, it was an accident that you went out, chatted with another person, then decided to go home with that person, and then you coincidentally happened to accidentally remove your clothes and fall into bed with them.
   Cheating is no accident, it’s planned, premeditated and it’s lies and deceit.
   An accident could be a bump in a car, something completely unexpected. Cheating is neither of these.
2. Caught her in the act. Her lover jumped from the bed, grabbed his clothes and ran out the door. Just before he exited, he yelled, ‘Ohhh, f!”
   I found out later that he was on the verge of “finishing” when I entered, and it popped when he was at the door. Yeah, several big streaks of his juice all over the sliding glass.
   When she composed herself I asked her how long she’d been cheating.
   Oh, I’m not cheating. She looked serious.
   What do you call it?
   Revenge.
   For what?
   For all those women you cheat with when you travel.
   This was a shocker. I’ve been on and off the road for years, but never cheated on her. She just assumed I was getting some on the side and wanted her share.
   The divorce was final five months later.
3. No longer than few days ago. Caught very explicit texts/messages with various people, and traces of conversations with explicit names, spanning over few months. Some earlier evidence had been deleted (conversation in messages coming up out of nowhere and such), so it might only be the tip of the iceberg.
   Some of them they met, some of them they didn’t (and/or were going to).
   The excuse was : “I didn’t know it was wrong so I didn’t care about it, but I will stop doing it now.
   To which was later added “We didn’t do anything, I talk big but I don’t do much”.
   As much as I’d like to believe it, it sounds like an absurd amount of BS and it’s impossible that someone who earlier blamed me based on the sole basis of suspicion of cheating (which didn’t happen) wouldn’t have the moral compass to know what they’re doing is utterly wrong in so many ways.
   Nope, no way I can possibly go with that. Trust level : -9000.

Just a quick question, I was wondering at what age do wives usually cheat on their husbands?

Netizens’ comments

1. In my experience, around 35. Usually after about 10 – 15 years of marriage. Usually after 2 or 3 kids. They don’t have the same body. They don’t get a lot of affirmation from their spouse. They are sometimes alone all day, or worse, in the company of men at work all day. Pretty soon they start thinking “I could get away with this.”
   They can’t. When you cheat, you change. A perceptive spouse will pick up on it, and you’re throwing your marriage and your relationship with your kids in the toilet.
   If you want to be free to sleep with other men, just get a divorce. Then you mess around all you want without cheating.
2. All ages. I was single a few years in my early 40’s and I dated a different woman at least weekly. I was a playa! Easiest women to pick up were married. I had them from 19 to 67 and every age in between. I learned that most women cheat. I had women hook me up with their married girlfriends!! There is no particular age. If they meet a guy that is charming, discreet and available, they will step out.
   My take away, never ever trust a woman. I know some of you ladies will take offense to this, and dress me down. But that has been my experience in life. I didn’t get this lesson from men.
3. No particular age. For most women, after they marry and have children — that moment onward. Females are biologically wired to give preference to males who’ll guarantee their offspring the best genes and care (both, simultaneously). After that objective is achieved, they’ll prioritise their own “selfish” (in a good sense) needs, in what comes to desire and attraction.
   Of course, biology isn’t the only factor at play. Culture (which socialisation is a part of) have fundamental roles, and they’re all ingredients of whatever invisible “formula” will see females make choices, throughout their lives (or feel tempted to).
4. Cheating requires simultaneous MOTIVE & OPPORTUNITY & RATIONALIZATION.
   OPPORTUNITY is based on your attractiveness, and females have more OPPORTUNITY when young.
   We might debate what age of woman is the most attractive between twenty-something and forty-something, but having an affair tends to happen in the age before a milestone, like 29, 34, 39 & 44, & 49, as if there is concern that opportunity decreases with age.
   There are a few reasons men cheat more than women at middle age, and older.
   1=Men increase in attractiveness as they increase in POWER, including wealth & income & free time & connections, experience, expertise etc.
   2= Wives decrease in desire for their husbands much quicker than the other way around, so in about 80% of marriages, He is being rejected and is motived to find someone available.
   3=Some wives not only lose desire for their Husband but also decrease in desire, with anyone, especially after menopause, which means she might reject opportunities she does have.

A netizen shared how his “hatred for humanity” is getting worse and he hates almost everyone he interacts with.

He also shared about how he finds most people that he meets as insufferable and “bland”.

Here is the story:

My hatred for humanity is worsening

I have always been somewhat hateful of the human species, but these past couple of years it has only exacerbated.

The pandemic coupled with my inborn hatred for humans has led me to detest almost everyone I interact with.

Sure, there are good people out there who I enjoy being around. Unfortunately, the vast majority of the people I meet on a daily basis are just insufferable.

They’re for the most part superficial, stupid, repetitive, and downright bland. An interesting person is maybe 5/100 if I’m being generous.

I don’t want to get into the details as to why I hate humanity because that could take awhile, but basically the hatred I already have towards humanity is growing.

Editor’s note: This sounds like a supervillain origin story.

My wife thinks that I am disgusting for removing my eldest son B (30) from my will.

For some background, my youngest sister was married to a man of a different race and she had his child, my niece. My sister died during childbirth and her husband died from covid shortly after. My mother adopted her and now she does her best to raise her but she’s elderly and her health is deteriorating. My wife and I do our best help out from time to time.

My youngest son A and his wife are fond of her and help out as well. B’s first interaction with her was awful he called her a derogatory word and said we shouldn’t be raising a monkey. My mother screamed at him and banned him from her home and she said she didn’t know how we raised a racist child and until we got his act together he would never be allowed in the vicinity of her home.

My wife said that we can’t force our son to like “other race” her words not mine. Once I got home I immediately asked him to move out until he can apologize to my niece. My wife threatened to divorce me and called an animal for “abandoning” our child. I screamed at her and said he is 30 years old it’s long overdue for him to be out.

I left and went to work with my youngest and told him what happened, he thinks I’m blowing the whole thing out of proportion and that only my mother was right to ban him from his house.

When B asked to stay with A he told him no and that he should apologize so he doesn’t get left out of the will. B told my wife and she locked me out of the house, I am currently staying with my mother.

Here’s where I think I might be the jerk I called the police on my son to make him leave and told my wife she was a “Beach” and not only a “Beach” but a racist “Beach”.

I have a will because I have heart disease and wanted to have everything organized incase I die.