I (26F) don’t know what to do anymore about my husband (33M)

We have been married for a year and I feel this insane guilt about wanting to leave. A lot has changed since getting married, but I felt cold feet beforehand I just was told it was normal.

Ever since getting married he’s gotten more controlling, jealous, stopped being intimate and started talking to cam girls, and has been pressuring me for a family.

I’m never alone anymore. He works from home when I do and times me on my office days. When I work from home he times me too and clocks when I work, which had given me insane anxiety around work and home and now I can’t really eat on my work from home days anymore.

He’s been more rough when we get intimate, I tell him I don’t like some things he does but he continues anyways. Or last time when I yelled out in pain and looked angry at him he just said “just trying something new.” Now I don’t even want to sleep with him anymore because I’m afraid he’ll hurt me, but he doesn’t care. He would rather talk to cam girls anyways or watch adult videos.

I’ve gently tried bringing up the lack of intimacy to him, but he always turns it on me. Like that I don’t try to look pretty for him so why would he think of me that way, but then when I used to dress up I would always get rejected. Or that he hates condoms and just wants a kid and is done using them.

Anytime I hang out with friends or leave the house he makes “jokes” about how I’m cheating on him. And this had also now made me not want to leave the house.

There was also another concerning joke where he pretended to choke me and it scared me a bit because he’s much bigger than me.

It obviously didn’t start this way and he had anger issues and addiction problems before getting married but it was never this bad.

The problem isn’t constant and he’s not a bad person, I love him and we are fine for the most part. I just don’t know if I can live this way anymore. Even when things are good I don’t feel I can enjoy them anymore.

He’s worked on his anger and has gotten better, but hasn’t gone to therapy since the verbal abuse incident 6 months ago and that was part of the only reason I agreed to stay.

I have these intense feelings of wanting to leave or runaway, but maybe I need to try and work this out in marriage counseling. I am not sure where to go from here, but I can’t picture feeling this way the rest of my life. Also I can’t bring a kid into this. I just can’t.

Also bought a house last year so I feel like I’m just blowing up our life after it got started and ruining his for no good reason. Side note – we have been together for 5 years. He tells me if I don’t have his kid and we divorced he will never have one.

Does this ever get better? Is therapy the answer? Am I mentally ill for wanting to blow up my life? I feel like I’m crazy.

Everything seems fine to others on the outside so also if I left no one besides my best friend would understand.

My husband and I used to have a 2 income home but in 2020 we’ve lost our home and one of our incomes (his). We moved into a smaller apartment, had to sell many things and give up most of our “costly” habits.

My husband has an expensive habit of going to the spa for a weekly massage session. we live in an town area so this stuff is ridiculously expensive. A single session is $250, and he has to have it every week so that’d be nearly $1000 a month!. I offered him to have his session at a regular spa but no, he has to get it from that luxurious spa near the restaurant we used to go saying the lady who gives the massage is an expert and he’s used to her.

The problem is I’m the only income earner and I’m struggling to make ends meet. I’m also pregnant and need to save money to prepare a nursery. I told him to cut his sessions but he refused. I told him I won’t be paying for them anymore and he said he’d get the money himself.

Yesterday I checked and saw that he’s been using my credit card for his sessions for a whole month and had maxed out completely. I found that out when I went shopping for baby essentials and the cashier said I had no money. I had to return everything then went home and went off on him. I told him he maxed my card out and made me look like an idiot at the store, he said he didn’t tell me cause he knew I’d have an issue with it. I demanded he pay back the $1000 he spent but he refused, I yelled at him calling him irresponsible and he got upset and called me selfish and told me to stop playing victim and that this is affecting both of us since he’s going to be a parent too and it’s stressful for him and I keep dismissing his own needs as a human.

I went upstairs and he went out. He started giving me silent but I kept demanding the money back. he said I shouldn’t expect it back since we’re married then my money is technically his and I should stop using his unemployement against him.

Here are what netizens think:

• You sure he go for spa or he go for special, where got so expensive one

• He sure take the money go for some “special” la.

• He stole from you to buy a luxury, Immediately cut him off from all access to your money and credit. Don’t give him any money at all. And seriously reconsider living with him since he steals from you.

• Confirm the spa got happy ending one lah

Sometimes i feel that my bf is very ungrateful towards his parents. Do some guys not realize that its a huge turnoff when they say or do things that show how unfilial they are?

His family is an average singaporean family and he was provided with every basic needs a kid should have. He is the only son in the family and his parents have been working from early morning for years to provide for the family.

From what i see personally and from what he tells me, there was no ill-treatment, both physically or verbally that took place. So i can’t understand his ungratefulness toward his parents.

He would always complain about them to me and say harsh things. Even ridiculous things he will also complain.

He will say things like how his parents don’t care about his feelings and condition of the day when he is tired from work yet they ask for help when they need technological help for their phone etc.

Complained about how he could have better grades in school if his parents were smarter and tutored him. He will scold his mum behind her back for being stupid for not knowing certain things.

It is so ridiculous, i told him off and etc but he doesn’t seem to care much. With a full time job and a pretty decent salary, he told me that it is a waste to give his salary to his parents so he doesn’t want to.

When i had dinner with his parents, his mum hinted that he should give at least 10% of his salary to them. Isn’t that the basic filial piety that one can give to their parents? But he just ignored what his mum said as he claims that it was just a ‘joke’.

When i ask him to at least bring them out for dinner, he just claim they prefer homecooked food. I even told him since he hates them so much, why not just move out and live by himself.

To my surprise he said if he moves out, no one will cook for him and wash his clothes. He also does not want to ‘spend unnecessary money on housing expenses’. So he is just living off his parents while complaining about them 24/7…

Casually over dinner, i discussed this with my parents to see how they feel about this. They couldn’t believe how he refused to give part of his salary to his parents. My mum said that if he don’t even want to support his parents when he is capable now, how will he even support a family next time? She threw the bomb and told me to break up with him. What is the right thing to do in this situation?

I am 19 this year and started BMT last week Tuesday(14 Nov). I have recently found out that my father has no plans for my sister and I to move in with him after he sells our current home but I don’t think he’d be able to sell it so soon since the people who come to view our place is put off by the potential renovation cost. However much time it may take for my father to sell the house, I still need find a way to make money and secure a place to stay. So my sister and her boyfriend wanted to rent a place for 3 of us and of course I have to split the rent with them which can still be very expensive for us even if we manage to find the cheapest place possible, maybe 3-4k/month so each person 1k. The big problem is that it’s illegal for me to find a job while I am serving NS, so this is really tough for me. So I’d be happy to consider any advice you guys can give me.

Edit 1: Thank you everyone for your advice. Just want to point some stuff out. And also I wasn’t too truthful about the place we plan on staying because I’m afraid we might get in trouble. We plan on renting an office and hope no one finds the same place and out bids our rent. After that, the bigger problem is renovation, so I have to save money for that even if I am staying in for 2 years straight because why would they let me stay in after Ord? I still need a home after NS. We’d rather pay just over a decent amount on renovation and lower rent than spending over 3 or 4k a month on renting a unit in the long run. I only have an O lvls cert so finding a decent paying job isn’t going to be a breeze.

Also, our father is not a douche bag or hates us in anyway. I am rather spoilt by him. He loves us very much, just that he runs a business and the inventory hasn’t been moving much. So he is also struggling to support us, hence his decision to sell the house and leave us be. He is an extremely stressed out and overworked man. I wish for him to live out the rest of his days pain free.

I guess this is the time for me to experience my fair share of financial struggles

Efficiency and effectivity. We want everything to be fast and perfect. But do you think we have taken such efficiency for granted?

So much so that little to minor inconveniences are able to trigger us all. Slightly longer wait at the restaurant cause it’s busy. The train having a minor delay due to track fault. Food delivery that got delayed cause of bad weather. The queue at the Singapore immigration took slightly longer cause your iris can’t be taken ( which I find odd in my recent travels cause this dude was throwing shade at the officer only to walk slowly to the belt and stood there for 10 minutes waiting for his bag to arrive). Line up for a first come first serve free gift only to realise its fully redeemed for the day. We detest the slightest inconveniences and to a certain extent, some will even write a complain to the organisation or a rant on social media to expose the inconvenience they faced.

Here are what netizens think:

• You make this sound like it’s a new thing, pretty sure that for the last 3 decades, Singaporeans have been like this.

• National pastime of Singapore is complaining. I’m quite amused when I see Singaporeans ranting and complaining whenever they face the slightest inconvenience overseas, instead of spending the time and effort used for complaining to actually solve the problem.

• Adding an angle I don’t see really mentioned – I think Singaporeans are not really developed for mental resilience, empathy and anger management. Maybe because generally they don’t express this very outwardly (like we don’t see assaults on the street) because of laws and general Asian restraint, it means they have all these negative thoughts in their mind but no one has sought to teach them how to cope. And it’s generational. So many boomers and Gen X also have the same problems. And they can’t guide their children to develop these skills. All of that just manifests into the famous “tskkk” when they face anything that encumbers them just a little.

• There will always be somewhere that has things worse. If we’re not allowed to have greviences about anything, no one should be complaining at all. Americans shouldn’t complain about their healthcare system because they should be grateful they have healthcare at all. People in countries with pensions shouldn’t complain about having too little because at least they have pensions at all. Calling the government useless, yelling at customer service for things beyond their control, all of these are over the top reactions, sure. But I’m allowed to dislike these things happening to me. I am grateful for the problems we face because as you say, they are minor and I am lucky to be in a position to complain about these as opposed to the issues mentioned above. But that doesn’t mean they magically become not-problems.

26 (Male), Singaporean. Moved out (or rather, kicked out) from home, due to an abusive stepfather that my mom had remarried. (Had to call the cops, type of abusive). Single for the foreseeable short-term future. Even if I date someone… it’ll be at least a few years of dating, till marriage. And then thinking about a house. Which means I won’t be buying any house yet, in the next 4-5 years or so. No parent or family member to co-own the house with, as a single.

I’m just tired of living in Singapore. Dealing with extreme rental prices, and fussy landlords. To be fair, I haven’t had landlords from hell. ‘Im very fortunate and lucky, to be able to say that. My current rental rate is very reasonable as well. And my landlords are rather nice people so far, except for the usual stuff — such as not being able to do laundry as freely as I’d like… When I first moved in, everything seemed very chill and okay. I just hope that there won’t be any huge conflicts moving forward, as there seems to be an increasing amount of questions related to laundry etc. It just feels tiring to not have a safe space all to myself. Even for simple things, such as doing laundry 3-4 times a week. It’d be great to have peace of mind, without being questioned on why you’re doing so many washes. (Incl. bedding, sports wear, I gym a lot and all.)

[This post blew up so edit: 3-4 times a week includes my bedding lol, I normally only wash 1-2 times a week. And these are during my designated days by the way. We have a schedule, I wash Monday Tuesday. I’m already squeezing the washing and drying into those 2 days, air dry btw. But once I wash bedding, the questions come. ]

Can anyone relate? How do you get yourself to hang in there, and persevere? Everyday I feel like I’m getting more worn out and tired of living in Singapore. I’ve heard stories of friends of friends in similar situations… But it would be nice to talk to more people in a similar situation here. My mental health is getting really bad, because of this.

I wish Singapore’s policies took notice of Singaporeans that have no choice but to rent. 🙁

From a tired Singaporean

I hate that I can never get out of the “honeymoon period”

I’ve been together with my partner for a year now and he seems to have been done with the so-called “honeymoon phase” for a while now.

He doesn’t reply instantly to my texts anymore, doesn’t need to hang out as often, and the lovey-dovey messages have decreased.

Don’t get me wrong though! I totally understand that it can’t last forever and that people have their own lives, and I know he loves me.

But hot damn why does this period never seem to end for me? I still get excited when he texts or calls me, I still love seeing him as much as I can, and I like to send him cute messages or pictures that made me think of us.

Even with my ex, it lasted for years FOR ME until he treated me like crap and we broke up.

I just wish I was more normal when it came to this. It just sucks to feel like I’m caring more even though I know it’s not true but it’s just different now.

I have hobbies and friends to keep me busy, but it’s just not enough. I wish I could just turn it off and be more chill as well.