My (26f) husband (29m) died on Wednesday. Yesterday would have been his 30th birthday, and my 27th is coming up on the 11th.

We were together for 9 years, married for nearly 4. We have a 7 year old son together. He collapsed in our kitchen, hit his head on the stove and fell face down.

It took me several minutes to roll him on to his back because he was quite a bit larger than I. The emergency operator walked me through CPR but I kept going too fast and I don’t even think I did it hard enough.

The paramedics came and took him to the hospital. Myself and his parents followed and after an hour of waiting they told us he didn’t make it.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to go through life without him being at least within reach by phone.

My son is so deeply hurt of course. He will be starting grief counseling through his school and I guess I should go back to therapy again.

I don’t see how I am going to live the rest of my life without my person. Everybody says I’ll be okay but they all still have their spouses to fall into at the end of the day.

Netizens’ comments

1. As a paramedic we have a saying that “bad” CPR is better than no CPR, you did your best, you’re not trained to do it, you did all you could and you did exactly what you should do. Please don’t place any blame on yourself even though I know in the dark of night it’s hard to not let yourself go there but nothing you did or didn’t do could have saved him.
   As for moving through the processes of life try to focus on your kiddo, rely heavily on family, don’t isolate yourself from his family either if you’re close, you and their grandchild will be welcomed support and distraction and take your time to focus on you. I suggest looking for therapists for you and your kiddo as well. I’m sorry for your loss.
2. For years I wondered if my dad would have survived if his girlfriend had done “better” CPR. I didn’t blame her, it wasn’t her fault he had a heart attack, but I wondered what if.
3. From someone that lost their beautiful wife of 21 years on May 15, 2022, I wish to express my sincerest condolences on your loss. The pain lessens over time, but I am pretty sure that it will never go away. What you can do is cherish the good memories that you have of him, and hold onto that for your child’s sake. Remember, that he depends on you and you must live for him I have a 16-year-old, and that is who I live for now.

Does anyone else struggle to relax and enjoy their days off?

I struggle so bad to just relax on the weekends, because I can’t stop thinking about having to go back to work on Monday. Even 3-day weekendS I am struggling.

I do not take naps, no matter how tired I am (fighting to stay awake as we speak). Granted, 3-day weekends are great! They should be normal, honestly. Two days off in a week is not enough.

My husband always tells me to just enjoy the day, but every Sunday morning, I wake up and immediately dread going to work the next day.

I don’t set alarms on the weekends, but get pissed if I sleep past 10, as I feel I’ve already wasted most of my day. I refuse naps as I also feel it is a waste of time on my last day off before another dreadful, long 5-day work week.

I am constantly watching the clock, and when it hits 5pm, I immediately think, “Well, the weekend is over” since every day after 5pm is the same routine.

Like, it was literally JUST Friday. How is it already 4:30 on Monday? Why can’t the work weeks go this fast??

Netizens’ comments

1. YES. And I’m sorry. It’s really hard. I feel like I only start to chill out around 2pm on Sunday, then the Monday Uglies kick in. Wish we all had 4 day work weeks.
2. Yes!!!!! I literally feel bad for not doing stuff on my days off. Is this normal?
3. If it’s having this much of a mental impact you should start looking for something else. It likely won’t get better on its own.
4. Learn to keep things in what my therapist calls “air-tight compartments” The second I leave work I do not think about it until I’m forced to. This is a good way of training your brain to regulate emotions in general. Instead of worrying about things, get them done so you have no reason to think about them — same goes for work. If you’re not being paid don’t let it hijack your emotions.
   Find ways to be productive and keep yourself entertained. Sometimes, that thing is doing nothing! Give yourself small projects, do things to help you relax, start new hobbies, go for walks, adventures, etc. On Friday’s after work I treat myself to favourite foods. Sundays I usually get brunch with friends and then use the night to relax and unwind. Saturdays are for adventures and fun stuff.
   It’s not fun going back but dont let a shitty job overpower your emotions. It might also be a sign that you need to look for another opportunity. Jobs aren’t fun but if you’re going to have one, at least find one that isn’t making you so miserable it consumes you. Also, find a therapist 🙂
   Hope this is helpful!

Looking for wisdom- how do you know someone is the one for you?

Hi folks, throwaway for good reason. I (25+m) have been with my gf (25+f) for over 7 years. We have a BTO in construction and coming due soon. We are both working.

Things between us are alright, we meet up and hang out 1x -2x a week but it’s like if I don’t meet her I don’t feel bothered. Over the years we’ve had only a few major fights but nothing due to serious red flags or infidelity, but more over instances of poor communication.

7 years + feels like a long time, and the spark and excitement have faded, all lf which happens naturally I suppose? I would go so far as to call it stale. While we both deeply care for one another, i just dont feel drawn to her as much. Ive tried various ways of reigniting the spark but it doesnt seem to work. I don’t get excited when I’m with her and that worries me. Should i feel this empty?

Seeing as marriage is very likely the next step for us, I wanted to hear other perspectives on what I might be going through and what can be done here. Thoughts, questions and opinions welcome. Thanks!

Netizens’ comments

1. Let’s say you find or meet someone new, in another 7 years this “stale feeling” repeats and happens. So imo, love really is a choice and commitment. Try and remember the good times and the things you love about her.
   • (OP) Thank you – I have had attention and received affection from others in ways that my current partner does not give me and have rejected those advances. I choose her and have committed to her but I can’t help feeling empty or that lack of excitement despite all the self-psycho I’ve engaged in. What more can I do?
2. Is there something you desire in your current partner that you feel she’s not giving..? Something that hindered the attraction and interest. There must be something, somewhere along the line something changed. Communicate this with her, ask for what you need and see if things can be worked out. Communicate your love languages.
3. Aiya u will only feel euphoric in a new relationship when the cake is fresh out of oven. Passion fades as do every excitement for newly bought items (watch, car, shoes etc). Even if u feel passionate all the time, then that will be eventually feel like the new normal..
   Partner in life is supposed to let u feel comfortable when u r around them without experiencing constant emotional roller coaster. It should be someone u can count on n trust with ur life. Having chemistry and sharing interest will be a blessing.
   • (OP) Thanks for this. I am aware of how the spark fizzles out with time. I am comfortable and myself when I am with her. I just don’t feel the excitement or “happiness”, almost like if she were not around, all would still be well. I am partly to blame because I am so independent, that she doesn’t form a big part of my life by any measure.
4. OP, judging from your replies it sounds like you really want someone to tell you to leave her 💀 You always seem to emphasize how much she makes you feel nothing, and how happy you are without her. There seems to be some self-righteousness when you say it’s “scary” that you don’t care. Scary for who? You seem to be very proud of how little you care and feel for your partner. You say that your main issues have been about communication in the past and this issue seems to be potential for another huge lapse.
   I wish I saw more comments here valuing your partner’s feelings. She is as much part of this relationship as you are and she deserves to know if her partner is feeling the way you do.
   I agree with many other comments saying that love involves choice. Relationships are largely compromise in the long run. However, if you value your independence as much as it sounds like, you are right to have second thoughts about this relationship. You need to think about your priorities and respect for your partner and decide accordingly, ego aside. Once you decide, commit. This is the rest of two lives.
   I’m not meaning to be harsh but thought I could contribute perspective. Best of luck OP.

I’m a senior manager at a firm, and I have been told that I have what is described as a boss-lady energy.

There’s an intern [m20] from the accounting dept at my firm that I’ve had flirty tension with for weeks. By a random series of events (too long to bore you with here) we ended up at a concert…just the two of us.

At the show, I ordered us drinks, and by the time the headliner was on, we were both sufficiently drunk, and the flirting was more direct.

He started being really alpha and sort of leading the teasing and I f-ing loved that. He would put his hand on my lower back and pull me into him when the crowd started filling in.

It got super crowded, and I ended up with my body in front of him, pressed against him pretty close. I could dance and move a little and know that I was teasing him on his pants as he got hard.

At some point he quit hiding it and started holding onto my hips and pulling me tightly against him. I could feel that he “was not small” and that he wanted me.

I wanted to turn around and make out with him SO BAD, but I was enjoying teasing him so much. There were a few times he let his hands go up my sides and tease under the bottom of my shirt…just barely brushing my skin on my waist.

By the end of the show a wind could have blown on me and I would have finished in my jeans, it was soaking wet.

The show ended and we left it at that, going our separate ways. Something about the fact that all of that happened and we didn’t say a word about it, was so hot.

Next day at the office, he came by in the morning at his usual time, and this time closed the door. He immediately said, “I’m sorry, but I can’t stop thinking about last night.”

It made me so so nervous, but I covered my face with my hands, and said, “I know. Me too”. In like two seconds we were making out, and it was the hottest thing I’ve ever experienced.

He pulled the front of my shirt down and started going on my chest while I rubbed him over his pants. At some point he whispered that he wanted me to come, and he started massaging me over my pants LIKE A PRO.

It felt so good, but I needed to feel him, so I directed his hand down the front of my pants. When he felt me wet and smooth down there, he whispered “fk” into my ear.

Knowing that he loved it so much pushed me to the edge and I came, biting hard into his shoulder. He pulled his hand out then pulled me into his body and kissed me.

All of this was maybe 5-10 minutes. He just left my office, just saying, “see you later”. I wish I could say I was cool, but all I could do was nod. I was totally speechless.

I don’t know what’s gonna happen next, but I can’t say enough how much I love this long game. I love being handled and teased.

Is it bad that I want to call a 20 year old “Daddy”

I really am unsure on how I should respond when my partner moans to me about how I’m “so tight” or “so wet” when we f each other in bed, what do I say?

I (34f) slept with a guy (35m) that I’m dating for the first time the other night. He kept telling me that I was “so tight” and I didn’t know what to say other then, “Yep.” He moaned this multiple times throughout the session.

Same thing with an ex boyfriend (39m) from last year, he keep telling me that I was “so wet” every time we’d f and even when we weren’t doing it, he’d comment on how wet I would get.

What are some nice ways to respond to this, so I don’t just end up laughing and saying, “Yep.”

Netizens’ comments

1. Just reply with “yeah just like trying to ride a motorcycle through a traffic jam!”
   • Did your mother drop you on your head when you were born
2. “You like it?” “It’s all for you” “That’s what you do to me” “You feel so good” etc.
   Don’t overthink it. Just say what comes naturally. They’re just saying how good you feel. Return the favour.
3. Don’t necessarily need a response imo. Just keep enjoying the experience. You may want to throw out a “you’re so big” comment or two in reciprocation, if you’re feeling it.
4. Don’t read to much into it. When he says you’re so tight, he’s just telling you that you feel good. You could just respond with “You like that?”
5. He’s just expressing his enjoyment of how you feel. As men we say this but we’re not actually requiring a response. It’s just a compliment of how well we enjoy our partner during intercourse. Just continue enjoying the moment.
6. Unrelated but I once told my wife to say my name and she literally said my whole full f-ing name.

I (f25) was in a relationship with my BF (m26) for the past 4 months, it started off great but became toxic fast as he started treating me really bad, and started acting/speaking badly towards me.

After that he would apologise, tell me how much he loves me, and how he won’t do it again.

Fast forward, 2 weeks ago, we broke up because he wanted to sleep with me and I refused because I wasn’t feeling well and we had a fight…

3 days ago, I’m at work and my colleague (f24) is speaking to me about my ex, and asks for a picture of us, I show her and her mouth drops, telling me that is her best friend’s boyfriend…

Turns out he’s also been in a relationship with her best friend (f24), however, they have had families involved, and how he was planning to propose to her end of this month…

My colleague asked me for proof of my relationship with him, so I send 200+ pieces of proof including call logs, texts, pictures together, all with dates and times…and her best friend responded to my colleague saying how she doesn’t believe me and that I faked all the proof…

I’m beyond devastated, at my ex’s deception the whole time throughout our relationship, and also the fact I shared personal intimate proofs with the colleague and her best friend, and am being called a liar….

then my colleague starts to say my ex never took me serious, was just using me as a time pass and it’s really her bestfriend that he wants, and just telling me to “suck it up” and move on…

as if my ex didnt spend 90% of his time with me in the 4 months with calls, texts and dates…it’s like all of that doesnt matter or exist?

He also spoke about marriage with me too, moving in plans, kids plans, big future plans…It doesnt help when my own friends are blaming me for this, saying it’s my fault I trusted him, I do take part blame for putting up with his disrespect but I did not deserve to be deceived like this…

I really dont know how to deal with this moving forward…Please any advices?…I’m not eating, sleeping, or working, or doing anything properly. I feel like I’ve fallen into a big black pit of depression and nobody cares.

My fiancé is asking questions about my previous experiences in bed with my exes. I don’t want to lie, but I need to know the best way to answer honestly without hurting him.

My fiancé has been trying to get me to tell him he is the best lover I’ve ever had. From a purely physical chemistry, this isn’t exactly the case.

Of course I love sleeping with him so much I’m going to commit to doing it only with him and only him for the rest of my life. We have a very active life in bed and we both have a lot of fun.

That enough for me. Fun loving is all I want in a relationship. I’ve had amazing experiences before and it’s not really all that.

I’d much rather have my fiancé who is good in bed, and an amazing man and partner, than be with the guy who I would say I was the best in bed with, who was an immature borderline alcoholic douchebag who only wanted to see me when we were going to sleep together.

Amazing chemistry and physical compatibility means nothing to me if every hookup leaves me feeling used after.

So obviously, I can’t tell him in this way. I know how boys are, and I know this would shatter his ego and change our relationship forever.

The other thing is, I don’t want to lie to him. I want to tell him the complete truth. To me, it feels more disrespectful to placate him and lie to him about this.

When he asks me if he’s the best, I’ve been telling him that I don’t compare past partners (which I don’t typically do), and that I love getting intimate with him. Which leads to more probing questions which I do my best to dodge.

I’m unsure of what the best way to give him an honest answer is.