I don’t want to be a wife , have children . I would rather be a man

I remember that feeling of first understanding I could never be a man. My first day working at a office I would look up in awe at the few woman who made up into executive level. I would watch men with half the experience and competence have 2000x more respect for merely existing.

I saw how older men got respect, money , stability and power. They worked for it of course but I realized. When men have power it is extremely different than when a woman does

You have to pick children or career. You have to select a man that will lift you up instead of using you as a clutch. You have to pick to either be pretty and objectified, or ugly and disrespected. Which one? Do you want sift through men that’ll either use your body or mind. Even both if you are lucky.

I’m not saying men don’t have issues or that’s it’s easy for them. I’m saying I envy the deal they have. I envy the way respect is handed where it’s due. I want to power , money and success. I can have these things as a woman but it just isn’t the same.

I even envy the strength and build of men. I tried my best in the gym to get strong but I slowly realized. I can never ever be as strong. I hate how short I am in comparison.

I dress femininely, I do makeup. I try my best to pretty because I know the privilege it affords me . I would rather people look at me as a leader than just a pretty girl if I’m lucky.

I don’t want to have children. Why would I? I have to sacrifice my career and depend on a man. I do not trust any man. I’ve watched them do barely any work or help out.

I’ve watched how some of them seriously do next to nothing within the household. Even with income. I don’t want to be a beaten down mother or a single one .

I don’t want to be held down or molded by my partner. I want my career. Why? Because this what I’ll do for most of my life. Of course I care. I don’t want to just be a wife or a mother. I want to be me. Without giving up a huge portion of my life away.

If you gave me the option to be a man. I would rather be one. It won’t be easy. I would rather deal with the bluntness of the world than to feel I’m in a incorrect format for the rest of my life.

As we all know, the Hungry Ghost Month is already here and we are already past the midway point. The Hungry Ghost Month is also when Taoist and Buddhist followers burn paper money (hell money), joss sticks and food offerings to pray to their ancestors.

These offerings also appease the ‘Hungry Ghosts’, spirits with insatiable hunger that haunt the streets. As Singapore is a multiracial and multi-religious society, locals are taught about the festival as children. There are 3 simple rules:

1. don’t step on any joss sticks or paper money
2. never touch the offerings
3. don’t go out late at night

Naturally, I abide by the rules and have a front row seat to the festival. I understand its religious importance and honestly don’t hate it.

Every year, offerings are left along pathways near homes and paper money is burned in metal bins late at night. Yellow embers light the ground with smoke trailing up to meet my window. I live close to the ground floor and am within earshot of the chants and prayers.

One late night, I couldn’t sleep too well and hung out with my elder sister and her cat in the living room. The night was deathly quiet and peaceful.

At some point, I realised I could smell smoke in the living room and figured the window must have been left ajar. From this room, the window looks down on the offerings on the ground floor. The curtain was slightly open.

I snuck over to the window and peeped outside. It was midnight, the metal bin was still burning and it gave the ground floor an unearthly glow.

As I closed the window, I hear something crunching below me. I figured it was a neighbourhood cat but was met with something large crouching under my window.

From my vantage point, I could see someone kneeling at the offerings. They had long black hair draping a white dirty smock.

They bowed over a spot with many offerings, and I thought they were in deep prayer (but it was odd since it was pretty late already). The crunching noises were growing louder, originating from the messy black hair.

My realisation made my knuckles turn white. I was rooted in fear, this wasn’t a person. They had no shadow in the light of the joss sticks and were actively eating the offerings.

Hungrily, as if they were starved for years. My elder sister saw me petrified and called out to me, whispering if I was ok. I looked at her, my words shivering as I breathed.

“Someone is eating the offerings.”

The moment my voice rang out, something felt wrong. The crunching had stopped. I looked back to see the figure standing straight, stiff as a board.

As it turned around, I locked the window and shut the curtains. I huddled beside my sister, she sensed something was off too. All was quiet until the growling started.

We looked over to the front door to see our pet cat growling. Protective of my elder sister, her furry coat and tail puffed up and she looked unbelievable angry.

My sister and I didn’t move for an hour as the front door shook outside, I could hear a woman laughing softly at the door.

I know I fucked up and had never told the rest of my family about the incidence. If my cat wasn’t at the door, I believe that thing could have tried to attack me.

As my cat no longer lives with us, I became very diligent and made sure every goddamn window is covered and locked by sundown.

Refusing to pay for my brother’s wedding after he banned our elderly grandma from attending.

I’m in a complicated situation, and I need some outside perspectives. So, my younger brother (28M) is getting married next month.

Our parents passed away when we were kids, and I’ve been in a sort of paternal role since then. I’m financially stable, so I offered to pay for his entire wedding as my wedding gift to him.

However, yesterday, my brother informed me that he and his fiancée have decided not to invite our 90-year-old grandma to the wedding.

Their reasoning? She’s old and uses a wheelchair, and they feel her “presence might slow down the event” and “the venue isn’t entirely wheelchair-friendly.”

Our grandma raised us after our parents died, and she’s the most loving and selfless human I know.

I was livid when I heard this. I told him if grandma isn’t invited, then my offer to pay for the wedding is off the table. He’s calling me manipulative and saying I’m ruining his big day.

Netizens’ comments

1. You’re not even obliged to pay for their wedding in the first place. It’s their wedding.
2. they can be ageist and ableist on their own money.
3. I don’t have strong enough words to describe how despicable I find the sort of person who would exclude his grandmother from his wedding because “she’s old and uses a wheelchair, and would slow things down”.
4. The person who pays picks the guests. The rule is as old as weddings.
5. If you’re paying for it, then you can tell them that not only does she get invited, she gets an apology for being late and a seat at the bridal table. If they don’t like it, find some other financier. What a couple of ungrateful c-ts
6. Aside from the obvious moral reasons, traditionally the person paying for the wedding had input or ownership of the guest list.

Is it ok to just “tang ping” at work ?

Hi guys, so just wanted to ask your opinion. What do you think of the “tang ping” or “bai lan” attitude at work ? You can read more about it here.

“Tang ping (‘lying flat’) is a Chinese slang that describes a personal rejection of societal pressures to overwork and over-achieve, which is often regarded as a rat race with almost no returns and being indifferent towards life.”

For me, I’ve already accepted that I’m not going to amount to anything in this life. My job is a dead end job in an SME where I know we will never succeed due to shit products. But the way I see it, company no future, I no future, so we suit each other.

I do not intend to have a spouse. I do not intend to have kids. I do not intend to own property or car. I do not have friends or a social life. Hence the meagre amount I earn is more than enough for me.

What is your view on this ?

Netizens’ comments

1. as long as you are happy.
   i dont mean it in a dismissive way. im a millenial, been feeling a bit down recently and reconnecting with my ex-classmates/friends.
   10yrs in the working life, we’ve been through quite abit, those that are married, with kids, divorced, single and so on. at the end of the day, its what really makes you happy and if the work we put in is worth the financial return?
   tang ping doesnt mean being unprofessional at work to me. i still get my work done and will do the best job i can, but dont expect me to OT/work weekends etc etc
2. Can. But you cannot complain money not enough for a more comfortable life.
3. Before there was tang ping, there was the Western saying “work to live, not live to work”. But if you have nothing to live for, then there’s a problem.
4. So if someone tells you its not ok, how? You will change meh. No right. I kinda think you are here because you want people to tell you its ok. So its ok yea.

I hooked up with a friend and now I’m confused

I (26f) recently hooked up with a long-time friend (28m). Before the hookup we were getting kind of flirty and hanging out more often.

We kind of joked about hooking up and so when I came over with a bottle of vodka after we’d both had a rough/stressful day at work, we ended up getting a little drunk and sleeping together.

I wasn’t super into him beforehand but he seemed to be really into me. He wasn’t terrible in bed considering we were both drunk, though he didn’t finish and I chalked that up to nerves and alcohol.

He was super cute and affectionate afterwards, cuddling me and giving me lots of kisses. I’m not used to that from guys and it was actually really nice.

I did end up leaving shortly after because I was getting sleepy and I didn’t want to spend the night over there (I snore really loudly and don’t like sleeping at other people’s places because I’m self conscious about it).

When I left everything seemed fine, he hugged me and kissed me before I walked out the door and I went home.

So now it’s been over a week and I’ve barely heard anything from him. I sent him a message asking how he’s doing and the conversation is just very short and dry.

I’m worried that maybe i was bad in bed and I was just too drunk or maybe he just doesn’t like me anymore now that we’ve slept together?

I’m just so confused because of how into me he was beforehand and how affectionate he was afterwards. I guess I’m more just curious about what his thoughts are on the whole thing and don’t know how to talk about it.

I just wanted to add that I’ve known this guy since we were 15 and 17, and I’ve never known him to be the kind of guy to hook up with a girl and never talk to her again.

He’s really nice and sweet and I’m 99.9999999% sure that this wasn’t a situation where he just wanted to use me for my body and then never talk to me again

How to reject a guy to avoid embarrassment?

A guy sat beside me on the bus (it was a pair seating) which drove through the highway so it was a pretty long journey.

For the first half of the journey, I could feel some tension between us because even though others got off their seats after the first few stops and there were other empty seating pairs, especially one just right in front of us, he didn’t change seats (he sat on the outside), so it was um, pretty awkward.

I could also feel him fidgeting slightly as if he was preparing for something (no i didn’t get molested). Then halfway through the highway, he muttered a “Hi” and yeah that was when he said he’s looking for some dinner friends (looking back, idk if this is a red flag) and if I’m interested, I just said “no” and that I’m attached.

He kinda fumbled abit in his response but nevertheless acknowledged nicely and backed off immediately, with the rest of the highway journey being painfully long and awkward…

And when my stop came, he got up and let me out, mumbling a “take care” to me. I just nodded and alighted.

I know what I did has 0 faults at all, but I almost immediately felt bad after I just rejected nonchalantly, and let the conversation die instantly there.

In a way, I felt like I could’ve rejected more nicely bc I can imagine how much courage it probably took him to ask after some contemplation seemingly.

And that he took my rejection well in a non-creepy manner which is unlike some guys out there. But then again, I may be wrong and he’s probably just a F-boi looking for flings. If it matters I’m in my early 20s and I think he’s just slightly older idk

Anyway I’m still curious as to how a girl can reject a guy without hurting his ego / making it embarrassing for him but at the same time set boundaries right!