My girlfriend and I had been together for four years when I finally decided to give her an ultimatum. I told her that I wanted her to stop listening to her friend who seemed to be constantly sabotaging our relationship. I know this sounds sexist, but it is a scientific fact that women always sabotage each other’s relationships through thoughtless gossip.

I had noticed for a while that my girlfriend had been receiving a lot of advice from her friend on how to act in our relationship. She had been trying to make her own decisions, but her friend was constantly pushing her towards certain actions, opinions, and decisions that she wouldn’t have normally made. This was having a negative effect on our relationship, and I was starting to feel that our trust and communication were being undermined.

I finally decided to address the issue directly with my girlfriend. I told her that I wanted her to stop listening to her friend who seemed to be constantly sabotaging our relationship. I explained to her that I felt her friend was trying to manipulate her, and that she should trust her own judgement and decision-making instead.

At first, my girlfriend was really upset and defensive about my ultimatum. She said that her friend had been her friend for much longer than we had been together, and that she had always been there for her. She said that she trusted her friend’s opinion and that her advice had always been helpful.

But I was firm in my ultimatum and I explained to her that I wanted her to think about the impact her friend was having on our relationship. I told her that while her friend’s advice may have been helpful in the past, it was now hurting our relationship and making it difficult for us to communicate and trust each other.

My girlfriend eventually realized that I was right and that her friend was actually sabotaging our relationship. She apologized for not seeing this sooner and agreed to my ultimatum. She also agreed to talk to her friend and explain to her why she was no longer going to be taking her advice.

In the end, my ultimatum was successful and our relationship has improved drastically since then. We are now closer than ever and more trusting of each other. I’m glad I was able to see the situation for what it was and take action to fix it.

My ultimatum to my girlfriend to stop listening to her friend who was sabotaging our relationship was not an easy decision, but it was the right one. It was necessary for us to move forward and build a healthier relationship. It’s true that women often sabotage each other’s relationships through thoughtless gossip, but it’s important to remember that it’s not always the case. In this situation, my girlfriend’s friend was actually having a negative effect on our relationship, and I’m glad I took action to address the issue.

Recently I met a guy on a dating app and he suggested to meet up which I agreed. We went to a cafe and ordered a coffee each.

Afterwards, he suggested a walk in a shopping mall so I thought he was interested to know me more after the coffee date.

It got closer to dinner time and he suggested to eat at a food court which was super crowded and definitely not a good place to talk. Both of us come from decently wealthy families and work in very well-paid industries. I was not expecting a high-class restaurant or something, but maybe not a food court? Maybe some ramen restaurants or reasonably priced western food restaurants like Astons? So I am confused, is he interested in me? If yes, why did he suggest food court when I had introduced many other food options inside that shopping mall? If not, why did he suggest the walk and the dinner subsequently?

Here are what netizens think:

• Smart guy

• Our first date was at a food court. After 18 years, we’re still going to food courts.

• You actually passed the test but when you post your experience online, you got immediate failure. Better luck next time.

• Some girls are really annoyingly complicated. Don’t like food court just tell him. Any questions ask the guy. How will other people know?

• Foodcourt got wrong meh? Food court also can talk mah. It’s u girls from younger generation thinking we ladies “deserve” more. And Anw guys, you all also don’t take advantage of girls. It takes 2 hands to clap.

• Every action tells a story. Based on his action, he is not interested in impressing you. He just want to spend the least amount of money on that date. If a guy in interested in you, they will try to impress you….at least for the first date, he won’t bring u to a food court. If he is low on budget he will choose a decent mid class restaurant like ramen place or something. But if he doesn’t even bother to impress you, then his actions tells me two things. He is not interested in you OR he just prioritize himself more.

• Hes humble and dont mind eating anywhere. Doesnt mean if hes interested in you means he needs to spend more just to know you. Thats wrong.

I have been in relationship with my bf for around 2.5 years.

Everything is great. Hes very loyal and no problems at all. But 1 thing he always does is he takes money from me all the time due to his gambling habit previously. I have a part time job and i get salary after every shift. When he knows im getting my salary he will immediately call me and ask me to trf half of the salary. Claiming he has no money and need money for his food, ciggs.

Almost everyday i trf him half of my salary and the next day he will come and ask me more money for him. Even if i say i don’t have enough he will keep insisting on it and keep irritating me and disturbing me to borrow money from others to give him. He owes me till date arnd $28K. But he say that i have failed as a gf and i throw him in the fire. Just cause my cousins told me to stop giving him money as he should earn for himself and not be taking it from me. (They only found out abt this issue 2 days ago)

I love him alot. But i am so hurt that he say i have failed as a gf.

What should I do?

Here are what netizens think:

• I think you are blinded by love, love is just a four letters word..If you want to be abused then it is your choice..if you don’t want to be abuse then it is time to open your eyes and see! The answer just a super clear just that you aren’t seeing it.

• Seriously, even my daughter at 17 would know this is stupid beyond words. What the F is wrong with you? If you can’t see how wrong this whole thing is, then I’m seriously questioning if there’s a lot more to the story.

• When it comes to r/s, victims usually are the main enablers. In your case, you are enabling your bf to gamble and become a good for nothing. Do you want to know what will happen next? Physical abuse….Currently he is just verbally abusing you because you don’t live tog…. Imagine living with him and you can’t support his habits? He can easily lay hands on you. So I suggest you get out of his life or your life will be fxk and that will be your own doing Btw, being loyal is fundamental in a r/s. Nothing to shout abt.

• You are a silly, silly girl. Gambler, penniless, eat slipper rice… and you “love him a lot”. Now all your BF needs is to be a drunkard, wife beater and pimp you out. Then he’d be the perfect guy for you.

• Sorry to say, but you are a big part of this problem. So many red flags and you said everything is great and there’s no problems at all.. How much in denial can you be??? The first step out of this situation is for you to accept there is a problem to begin with. He is addicted to gambling and you are enabling it. Of course he’s gonna say all sorts of awful stuff to you when he doesn’t get what he wants. It’s called abuse and gaslighting. Don’t simply take his words as truth. Once you wake up and realise these problems, trust me, his words will stop being hurtful and you’ll stop loving him.

I had been in a relationship for five years, and it was the first serious one for both of us, which made it special in the beginning. I’m more of an indoor person, so my favorite dates involved spending time at his place, where we’d each do our own activities. He’d play games or watch funny videos while I enjoyed my shows or read novels. Occasionally, we’d have light-hearted conversations, sharing funny thoughts and laughing together before returning to our own interests. I felt very comfortable with how things were, and I believed he was the one for me.

We did have some differences – I tended to be more demanding, but he was incredibly accommodating. I grew up in a family that struggled to express affection, while he was more carefree and needed verbal expressions of love and emotional support due to his sensitivity. I didn’t consider these differences a problem because he was so understanding, and I made an effort to communicate my feelings with love, even if there were times I was too harsh, which I later reflected and tried to change.

We got a BTO (Built-to-Order) flat last year and were eagerly waiting for it. However, I wanted us to move out this year because we were both sharing our living spaces with our siblings. So, we decided to apply for an HDB rental for couples waiting for their flats. This change disrupted our plans, including our wedding timeline.

We had already scheduled photoshoots and set dates for ceremonies, and everything seemed to be going well. However, just one week before the wedding photoshoot, he expressed his concerns. He worried about the uncertainties in our future, whether we could bridge our differences, and the possibility of a future divorce, which was particularly alarming because his parents had gone through a painful divorce, leaving a lasting impact on him. I tried to reassure him that differences were normal in any relationship and that love could help us overcome them, but he remained anxious.

I suggested that we identify the instances where he felt uncomfortable with our future plans, and I promised to be reasonable and open to discussion. He began listing various concerns, including not liking the color of my wedding dress, which we had chosen two months earlier, and this triggered my frustration. I felt that if he had reservations, he should have voiced them earlier. He claimed that he didn’t fully understand my perspective and only agreed due to my insistence, which left me puzzled.

I cherished his sweetness and willingness to accommodate my wishes. I believed we shared similar thoughts and could overcome any challenges together. However, his recent change in attitude was unsettling. I was willing to compromise further to address his concerns, but I couldn’t understand why he was suddenly blaming me for issues we had previously resolved.

This situation led to a heated argument, and I canceled the photoshoot, telling him that we wouldn’t proceed with the wedding until he sorted out his feelings. I felt angry and hurt, as I hadn’t pressured him into proposing, buying a BTO flat, or planning the wedding. It seemed like he was allowing his fears to take control and not considering the impact of his actions on me. I felt lost and regretted investing five years in a relationship with someone who seemed unwilling to mature and face our challenges. When it came to booking an appointment for our ROM, I thought it was reasonable to have him take care of it. He initially agreed and, within about 10 minutes, told me he had completed the task. Naturally, I asked him to share a screenshot or proof of the successful submission so that we both had a record, ready to be shown if needed on the day. However, two minutes later, he returned, explaining that the appointment was in “draft” status, indicating he hadn’t submitted it.

This was the first time he had failed to submit something, but there had been other instances where he made similar mistakes, though of varying significance. Given our previous conversations about how he didn’t appreciate my blunt criticism and didn’t like being scolded, I chose not to react harshly. I simply said, “Okay, could you please submit it now?” in a gentle manner, but I couldn’t help feeling disappointed.

I couldn’t understand why he couldn’t complete tasks accurately. I believed that if he were genuinely excited about marrying me, he would have double-checked and triple-checked everything to ensure its correctness. The thought of us, along with our parents, standing at the entrance of the ROM only to realize that we couldn’t proceed due to a mistake was a worrisome scenario. It seemed like he struggled to grasp the consequences of his mistakes and continued to make similar errors.

This situation made me feel like I was in the role of a nagging mother, constantly reminding her child to complete their homework, and then checking it repeatedly. I was looking for a partner who could take responsibility and handle tasks like an adult, not someone who repeatedly made avoidable errors.

During our time together, I often found myself in a motherly role, pushing him to complete tasks with minimal effort, like learning to drive or booking an appointment for our ROM (Registry of Marriages). I felt disappointed when he didn’t follow through or made avoidable mistakes. Despite our talks about improving, he continued to make the same errors, making me feel like I was constantly checking up on him.

What bothered me the most was his decision to back out just one week before the photoshoot. I expected him to take responsibility for his choices as an adult and not put me in such a difficult situation, with our wedding plans already publicly announced. It was an emotional ordeal, and I couldn’t forgive him for running away at a crucial moment, which felt like abandonment.

I suggested that he should seek professional help to address his anxiety and uncertainty about the future, and we should take a step back until he could secure a doctor’s appointment. Unfortunately, this plan unraveled on the very first day of our cooling-off period. I found myself shedding tears at random moments, constantly haunted by what had transpired.

On the second day, he engaged in some introspection and declared that he would step up and be more responsible for our relationship. I couldn’t help but wonder if I could trust this commitment, given my deep disappointment and past letdowns. I realized that I should have recognized his issues earlier and not placed myself in this emotional turmoil. If we hadn’t already announced our marriage and secured a flat, I might have considered ending the relationship immediately. Perhaps I was also being somewhat hesitant in my own way.

I’m now at a loss about what to do. While I’ve given him a chance, I still find myself awake in the late hours, contemplating how much time I have left in my youth and what would happen if I made the wrong choice. I can’t shake the feeling of fear that he might run away again, especially before the ROM or even after we have a baby.

What should i do?

I need to rant about my looks

First of all to those people who keep talking about pretty privileges, I DO NOT DENY IT EXISTS. But we have it tough as well. I’m 24M, already some years over my NS days. But my skin is those where it never gets tan at all. So even until now, my skin is clean and white AF. Not only that, I do know that I look better than average although I don’t think I look good looking enough to be considered “Handsome”.

Speaking chinese often, people around me tend to call me “清秀” and “俊美” which I am not sure whether it is to be a compliment. They often mistake me as a Taiwanese/Korean. But I am starting to feel my looks are a hinderance to my relationship life. For F sake, I got rejected by girls which only to be told by their friends that “she thinks you’re a player, but your looks rlly honestly give the F-boi vibes”.

什么 the F? I can control how I look meh? I tried tanning my skin and it doesn’t work at all. I cannot grow a beard, nor a mustache fits my face shape. I’m done bro, when guys ugly people call us “simp, desperate”. When guys look better, people call us “F-boi, player”. What is it u girls want??? WALAO. But anyways thanks for allowing me to rant here

Here are what netizens think:

• Its not just ugly and good looking spectrum. Have you not seen a Venn Diagram in your science class? Girls are looking for square/nerdy but delicious looking boy scouts. You are probably the delicious looking pervert in their spectrum. Thats better than pervy boy scouts I guess.

• Maybe it’s the 氣質 instead, 相由心生 afterall. Take some time to reflect, are u really the playboy like they describe? And yes, as full grown adults, we do have a certain degree of control over our looks indeed. Not 100% of coz, but not zero either.

• Bro. White is enough la. White af is like god tier white or what? Lol. Just say, dont judge u by the looks. If still they dont want to know you then gd luck and wait another 5 yrs hope your facial structure change by then. Just joking la

• They say it’s the inner that brings out the outer. Once you can find the inner peace, with yourself, that’s when people can accept your outer appearance.

• I mean you can be good looking and all but have a tiko expression? One’s demeanor is very important too haha